In the world. Not of it. Eat an ice cream and bare witness to the b..ll.. f...ckery.
Side note.
All the job losses/of journalists etc etc
As the googlehead boss of abc earns 1/2 mill for life...
The divide is growing. This housing, cost of living, mental health crisis is unsustainable
And humans cry..
" when is the government going to do something ? " surely we can see by now..
They are not , and don't care.
Charles eisenstein says some valuable things, and i don't keep up w politics but saw Kennedy is now endorsing Trump (!?) And as eisenstein was working w kennedy, everyone now, again attacks charles...
The blame game...
I did an essay in yr 12. About a song. By Howard Jones that touched me..
" NOBODY IS TO BLAME..."
It was a resonance thing.
Everyone is looking to point a finger, at someone , something , when we've been duped and lied to about systems, monetary and all...all along...
Humanity, as we know it, or for gen X s, has lost it. It's pretty much gone.
How can we form community or bond? Or just pick your tribe and share w them, presuming you have family or loved ones?
TRUTH is A SHARP, THORNY WHISPER...
The veil is so very thin now, w weird realities, thanks to A.I etc etc...
Hanging on to jewels lyrics,
In the end , only kindness matters...
I don't know what to say.
The patriarchy is at play, esp. In politics, and I'm over it, moloch has become the world default....
The Higgins saga continues, I feel for her, her life ruined, and Reynolds not backing down..
Progress...?
LANTERNS, LETS RISE.
LETS SHOW THEM, TRUTH And LOVE CAN AND WILL WIN OUT.
Gosh… my toddler embodies far more respect for herself and others than these patriarchy defending bull shitters. Can we stop comparing these men to young innocent beings????
They are grown. They are responsible for themselves. They are dangerous.
My toddler is adorable, highly feeling and appropriately expressive of her emotions.
She isn’t dangerous.
While her expression may be big in the moment the next moment she is laughing and joyful. She’s gets on with it.
These bullshitters don’t.
It just really hit how displaced it is to compare these adults to beautiful children… I know and trust your intent. And it’s important for us all to catch this wrong comparison.
My friend was speaking to the ex partner of his current partner the other day at a family event. They had a good chat, and my friend took the high road on many occasions to keep it light and respectful. He could have chosen otherwise.
The mother in law commented to her daughter who well the men conversed, and well behaved they were today. She replied , they are men mum, they are supposed to behave. They are not children.
Was it you Sarah that talked about how we are currently in the adolescence of our civilisation?
I wonder if a human civilisation has ever made it through to adulthood? Or elderhood?
How will this Tween event play out?
Like Anna and Jewel said, in the end there is only kindness , to ourselves through responsibility , and to others through kind and proper response. Not delivering a spade , but maybe an ace up the sleeve of kindness?
Steve C, with the greatest respect, I do accept the great majority of your submission in response on your reply. However, there is always an indescribable, catastrophic exception that can break the general rule.
I would disagree on your recommendation of never calling a grown man, "a Narcissistic piece of shit"!
To accurately quote Donald Trump, (after yet anotherj episode of mass murder, that killed twenty young Primary School children and several teachers), he said, "It is what it is".
Of course, with his multiple Psychopathologies, much of what he mumbles is all projection and confession.
He is an exception, but he has shown no signs of personal emotional growth since his teens. So technically, he doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria of being "fully grown".
Given the existential destabilising threat he represents to the rest of world, I see value in not "sugarcoating" any labels we choose to apply in describing that threat.
NO one talks about the hate and misery which is pervasive in American society.
The gun is the tool, the distanced enough messenger of the individuals misery. And the societies disfunction.
Take away the guns, the knives will come out.
It has started here, men with knives.
I walk the streets of Byron and am ready for one of the 100 broken men here in the streets to start.
I called the police on one guy walking around with a big fishing knife on his belt.
Our society is broken also, it is the beautiful canaries that die first. And that is part of the tragedy.
These are not bad people or bad men. They are probably the best of us. The ones who feel the most, who know what is really going on. And it breaks them.
And yes the messier our own back yard is , the easier it is for a demon like Trump to arise. As the contrast is not that big.
We are almost as deluded as him. So he slowly boils us like a frog in a slowly boiling pot. I choose to jump out of the pot and stand their awkward in the nude for a bit until I cool off 🐸😎
And in no way do I suggest letting people off, toxic positivity , it’s just life lifeing man ✌🏼
That is all bullshit , they are unique snowflake in the shape of a turd 💩
And there is a way to address that which allows us to respect and accept our own flaws , while also calling out theirs. And arriving at the mutual understanding, agreement, or goal.
Even if that goal is a deuce as we walk away. But at least we tried.
And yes, this is very unfamiliar, uncomfortable and potentially dangerous ground.
If I was to call out one of the Canterbury Bulldogs over their group rape of the 18 year old years back, on the street, it would not end well.
Nor for the woman in a potentially dangerous relationship, of which there are billions. I am trying to navigate a situation with a damage mind and ego. It is terrifying , as like Trump , the level of delusion is immense.
I am failing at trying to explain myself , and I feel I have disregarded women and other oppressed people’s experiences to some degree.
But the feeling for me is, the past is past, tell us what we did wrong, with as much rage as possible, and I will say “FUCK” that was messed up, Jesus, I am sorry.
But do not call me a A,B,C, do not label me Trump , or a crazy cat lady. I am me , and I fuck up, and you fuck up, and our fuck ups teach us how to be better people.
AND if I continue to fuck up, and not apologise, and not try harder. And dismiss and project. Then yes
Call me a Narcissistic piece of shit , and please walk away. And if I try to be president of the United States , attack ME , say what you are afraid of , point out the lies and the methods of manipulation.
But do not call the 90% of dudes and dudettes pieces of shit. Who are just scratching their heads going fuck , I don’t know what to do. He seems to know what he wants. The democrats tried that and they got hit with the spade.
I am not coming up with the answers here, but we are getting there. But basically saying 90 % of boys and girls are fucked and have no idea how to make this work in a good way. We ALL need to put our big boy/girl pants on and say NO to horseshit and FUCK YES to better communication
Thanks, Sar ... and one of the wacky things about many bullshitters is they have the 'pied piper' ability to attract followers who wish/hope/(do) to believe their BS that simply exacerbates the problem.
Very true. Bullshitters are very happy to make their cases in the most concrete way, which is what people gravitate towards - solidity. I feel progressives can learn from them - if they're certain about something, get solid about it.
On a quick note, thanks for this post Sarah. It’s one of the reasons I have subscribed here and follow you. Truth is a big one and there should be no compromise or the ‘buts’. I feel many when they see an uncomfortable truth go into silence and also expect the same silence from others rather than let’s discuss and get this out amongst us. Agh … So sorry to hear about your Booktopia news. My good news with them is that I approached my Bank and they were able to refund me for my book purchases that were now not forthcoming. Can your Bank help in any way? Best wishes x
Sarah - this is a general comment / question - I couldn't find a place to put it so have tagged it onto your latest post. I've just been listening to a webinar with Lydia Violet (from the School of the Great Turning), with extracts from Joanna Macey, reflecting the 3 stories from Active Hope: Business As Usual, The Great Unravelling, The Great Turning. And the Great Turning in turn has 3 actual, possible, emerging components: Holding Actions (to block / prevent greater harm - what Activists do?); New and remembered (an addition) Gaian Systems - creating them; Shifts in consciousness. Lydia also spoke of grief and hope, the power of community, finding new meaning. It feels like a beautiful connection with your work. And I wondered what influence, resonance and difference you feel there is?
I've heard JM talk to this on the podcast she The Great Turning she does with Jess Serrante. I felt a great deal of resonance. We are talking to the same emotional needs and spiritual paths...slightly different language. I'll check out Lydia's work.
I am going to go right out on a limb here and ask some questions and give some really annoying hot takes
It is a little reactive as I am dealing with some issues regaining the use and abuse of power right now. With two incredible women no less ☺️.
But I want to strike up the conversation, with the aim of making this book as impactful as possible and also to make this space a more inclusive, safe and proactive one.
When JD Vance and the other uncomfortable men attack single cat ladies, who are they speaking to? And why are they speaking to them? Why aren’t the single cat ladies speaking to them? Or maybe they are? And what language are they using towards them? Kind words? Funny words? Proactive words?
I asked my therapist if using words such as bullying, abusive, belittling, and emotionally violent to describe the actions and words of a tween were appropriate? I know they are on the edge, but I also want to call a spade a spade, as to do otherwise is being passive aggressive.
His response was , those words are okay, but if you call a spade a spade, you will most likely get hit with a shovel 🤣
Spot on
But I wanted to raise a discussion, and I know, it is not the ultimate truth, but it is also not bullshit? Or is it? I would like to call bullshit on the patriarchal , colonial , white man discussion.
Because I think it is as distracting as hot single cat ladies , and is used to sell eyeballs , podcasts and books by way to many people.
And as a middle aged, white, and privileged as fuck man , it hurts my feelings , smells like bullshit , and makes me want to have a hissy fit and go and watch a Jordan Peterson video 😳🫣😘
It is not white, male, female, privileged, people who run the show. We are just the ones who use power in a manner which gets us the most material things.
We ALL profit and pander to the status quo. And we ALL utilise power within our own relationships and communities, in the exact same manner and way.
Women and Men of all colours, races, breeds and orientations which created the current system, and utilise and maintain the current system. As we all crave to climb the rungs and get what is sold to us on the TVs and phones that we adore.
We will not abandon it until we are modelled another way, which looks and more importantly feels more real, genuine and loving. And most importantly real, practical and possible.
And yes there are those who do hold the power and are increasingly scrambling to get more of it. The most visible and most effective at it are narcissistic, dangerous men, black, white, red, yellow etc etc etc.
But behind them, as good old Macbeth knows, is an even more cunning woman, who is better at the game than most of the boys.
They may all put her down, but they all envy and want her. So who holds the power? It swings back and forth? Doesn’t it?
Can we get your message across Sarah with different language? Can we speak of the power games rather than the individual? Or the group?
Can we bridge that gap? Can we model and initiate change? Can we sell enough books and eyeballs?
I say yes we can , what do you think?
Bullshit or truth? Or is it a shit sandwich that we need to reengineer?
Re the middle aged white male call...so many responses to your questions here. I can't be comprehensive with my response at the moment, but a few thoughts...
Agree - we are all operating in and contributing to the system.
AND - adults have a responsibility, to my mind, to operate in human, life-preserving ways. And, overwhelmingly, the buck stops with men. Women might be complicit and playing games in the background to secure safety. But bucks stop and power resides with old white etc blokes. I've been reading Hannah Arendt and how who defined her brand of humanism...stemming from Kant's notion of moral responsibility and it's made me even more adamant that this is something we must insist on.
ERGP - some stuff has to be called out, and some folk must be made uncomfortable etc.
Bridging gaps...would love it. But more men need to awaken.
Can I ask - different language, what do you mena by this? Yes, I talk power games (next chapter is on moloch), but the truth is more men need to wake up.
It’s all good here , I am a little ranty , but also in the best place in my life. So feeling feisty and looking to dance, chat and mingle 😝.
The girls are all good , sorting it all out. Her mum is the devil, but also a very good person, it just takes a lot of pain to break her and bring out the real her. Which is unfortunate, as it should be good times that bring out our true nature.
And yes, in the economic realm, industrial realm, political realm and farming realm. Men in general are the ones responsible for the shit show. Women have their niche pockets of power where it has gone toxic. But in general, it’s the boys who need to tidy up.
We have the biggest spades and the most time on our hands as our women insist that we go out and get a bigger house to prove our love for them. Or we batter our wives and blame the world and go and destroy it.
Or we run around in chaos as we do not know how to love them all.
Or home is an abusive hell hole. So we stay at work , spend more , do more , take a lover maybe.
On the home front though, I think it maybe where the power is and the responsibility. And this is THE most important place on the planet.
Fuck the UN, the battlefield, of the Palace. It is home which dictates what we eat, what we say, what we do and who we connect to. What is happening in Putins house tonight? Or Netanyahus? He is stirring the pot.
Home base is what dictates a man’s behaviour, AND I know , for women to initiate change here can be a very dangerous proposition. But it is happening.
Boys are getting their reckoning and feeling the pain. Finally 🙏🏼
As far as change in language. Using the divisive language which fuels the algorithm monster machine does not work.
I know that you do not do this on purpose , but your role as an antagonist to the status quo, and a pioneer of the woke movement (I know you are not woke, but woke originally was just pointing out the elephant in the room). Has actually helped fuel the fire.
The algorithm took your hang on a sec boys, here is some vulnerability and honesty. And it fucking ran with it. Now it is churned into bullshit , this is my truth , I speak for you, I feel your pain. It’s them, they did it , it’s not your fault , your the victim , it’s the cats and those mean ladies 😅
Maybe the language is just truth , I need this , I want to see this in the world. I do not want to be called a lonely cat lady.
I am a lonely lady because the boys have not been taught to love themselves or me correctly. Because their mother, and my mother hated their father so so much. Because he was a lier, full of bullshit, scared of me, scared of his father , mother , etc etc etc.
I want it to end , now , tell me your name , tell me what you want , and if it works we will build it together, and we will care for ourselves and our world and each other so that when we fuck up. It does not lead to a world war, it just means we flick each other with rubber bands. Laugh and get the fuck back to work
And yes , with plenty of accountability amongst the language , but no blame and judgement , just NO! This is the way forward that I see, what do you see? Or good let’s do C that’s makes us both happy
I meant to say Putin is stirring the pot , but stirring the other spoon is his batshit crazy partner.
My question is , is the disease gender balanced ? The actions and impact and symptoms are predominantly male on the macro scale. Except for consumption , this is 90% on the ladies (part from missiles, monster trucks, and JetSkis. But on the micro level the pathogen is binary? This is not a cop out or dodging responsibility, instead I see this as an opportunity, if we are both fucktards , then it is easier to spot and help each other
Steve, I'm sorry stuff is coming up at the moment. I've not been in the comments over the weekend, so I'm playing catch up.
Single cat ladies - I don't think Vance et al actually think of particular women when they use this phrase. They see women, broadly, as objects fulfilling a role, and a role that keeps them feeling comfortable. I doubt they would register whether such a woman has spoken to them or not.
Oh I know that , he is a lost cause , the head of the pimple 😝 I hope his Donut Shop memes take some heat off of poor Ray Gun
And yes , the man is and maybe will always be the figure head? I hope not, in the future I would like to see couples allow one to step forward in certain situations and the other in one where their strengths lay
Yes men need to wake up, but so do all of the ladies. And yes girls always tend to lead this first, they are generally the ones to break it off, or end things.
Generally because they can feel what it does to their emotions and body? As men become more embodied (I fucking hate this word) then they will start to say no more.
This is what happened to me, I could not longer carry the burden of emotionally carrying my daughter and my ex and their behaviour. So I said no.
They lost their shit , and it all cumulated in two hours spent on the lounge room floor , crying and releasing all of the anger and the sadness which was being pushed onto me. And discovery of what her needs are and why. She was able to access them via her rage at me saying no more and holding her accountable.
That’s what the world needs , men and women saying no , I love you too much to keep doing this bat shit crazy guff.
I maybe only looking at this through my own experience though and I am aware of this. And in no way am I trying to pass the buck. Or an apology. But there is a nugget I sense here and I keep digging for it. Not to get a bite. But because I think it is not a hard rock , but a succulent peach ☺️
And the media curates what we read, hear, see; perpetuates the dynamic that sells their lies and BS. Of course not all media or journalists are so shallow, but the ones that are have the loudest voice and the deepest pockets.
If there’s a response from women, msm will only share it if it gives momentum to the drama/scandal/stereotypes they’re dishing out… not good for any of us.
This is true , I saw the curated comments section the other day on insta, a boys one and a girls one. I propose a ban on digital media , re-initiate media watch dogs and industry standards.
It’s tricky to respond to what you’ve shared about the turmoil you and your tween are experiencing… we only have a tiny glimpse of the full, rich picture.
I can recall the pain of the various ways my kids rejected me as their brains went into complete overhaul. Figuring out how to stay present and provide stability in the face of such a huge upheaval is incredibly challenging. This person you adore, that you have loved and kept alive changes before your eyes.
It really helps to have a friend to talk to - someone you can swap horror stories with , cry, laugh, complain and exchange words of support.
Despite the hurt you feel and the behaviours you describe… she really needs you.
Thanks Nicole , I know that , but it has to be safe for me and safe for her. And I have very thick skin so it’s okay ☺️.
But yes, it’s tough, just as life was getting a little more on track and I had time and energy to read to her more at night. No, you missed your chance dad, now I want to talk to my girlfriends at night, shut the door on the way out please
I have a teen and a tween and I personally would not use that language to label their behaviour. They are undoubtedly difficult and can say some cruel things but I remind myself that they are trying to figure themselves and life out and I try not to take it personally. I remember how hard it was being that age and how self absorbed I was. This is just my personal opinion but I understand that every family and situation is different and I have no idea what you personally are dealing with. I have been told on numerous occasions that this is just a stage and it does get easier.
I just received a nugget of wisdom from Jason Field.
The greatest gift we can give someone, is to allow them to speak to exhaustion.
To stay silent, and allow them to air all of their dirty laundry
And to give them the gift of our presence
Not our answers or genius , understanding or wisdom , just the grace of being with them
The outcome?
They will very likely already know the answer to the problem, or the stain on their sheets by the time they finish
We will understand all of what they understand as we did not interrupt them with our rude answer, words or solutions
And then, and only then, may we have the right to reply with maybe an answer , but most likely by then we will have a question also , which will solve two problems 😎😝
This concept is also the cornerstone of supporting people through grief. Sitting with them, giving them time and space to feel, verbalise or whatever else they need, without interruption, judgement or voicing our opinions. Too often we are merely waiting for a pause in the conversation to voice our responses.
Yep that's a great nugget of wisdom. I have been guilty on numerous occasions of trying to solve people's problems or offering advice when all they needed from me was to be seen, heard and understood. I must continue to remind myself of this. Thanks Steve
Yes, I am guilty of same, particularly when I"m in "my parents' little adult mode" or in work mode, but I enjoy the interaction far more when I let the other person rip.
I agree, the words are too advanced in a way, but they are also accurate. And the behaviour should not be used by an age group or gender.
I do not take it personally , and the stuff that actually hurts always has a grain of truth. So it is a productive experience in that regard (ie reflection and change). I am dialling it back a bit and trying more non violent communication and going to try just “wow” those words really hurt, now I feel scared and angry, can you please stop until we both calm down etc etc.
Where it becomes abusive for me is when it does not stop , even after asking politely.
I am afraid that if she uses this behaviour with a partner in the future who is not able to control and regulate himself like me. That she will be in danger, as they will use physical force rather than their voice and words.
Because the only way to stop the situation is to remove myself from the room or car or use an extremely loud voice to create shock.
And yes, it will pass, and I cannot imagine how she feels inside, it must be a turmoil in there the poor little chook.
Thanks Sarah. I love this distinction that liars are still engaged with the concept of truth, while bullshitters simply couldn't care less. If interested in some additional angles on this, Aja Raden's book 'The Truth About Lies,' asks some questions like, "Why do we believe the things we believe?" while also pointing out that lying is a building block of how we communicate as human beings. If at a certain point, a toddler, when asked, "Are you hiding something in your hands?" can't giggle while claiming, "No!" and putting their hands behind their back, we're going to think something's wrong with them. But lies also enable us to do extraordinary things at a collective level - just take cash money which is simply pieces of paper printed with fancy colours - but we all buy into a collective lie that those pieces of paper have value, which allows us to engage in commerce.
Thanks as always for your perspective and for providing tactics to help us stand our ground and not get swept up into the bullshit.
Thanks Matthew , sometimes lies are things that we hide from ourselves or others because of the pain associated with them. We believe that the other cannot handle the truth (fuck your Jack Nicholson 😝) or even ourselves. And sometimes it is a gentle lie, we are not ready to see or discuss the truth yet. Like a couple who know it’s over , or do not know what will happen. But let’s string this lie out for a few more hour, days or years.
Or the narcissistic mother/father who bullies the family. The lie maintains the family unit, as the truth may actually splinter it entirely. There is honesty and grace in some lies?
Gosh I feel this comment. Sometimes the truth is too hard to face and acknowledging it feels impossible. What a moral quandary, trying desperately to do the right thing even though deep down it feels wrong. This is so relevant to the whole conversation, staying in a relationship or a job we hate or our bubble where we don't want to acknowledge truth (like collapse or climate change etc). We may say we hate being lied to but sometimes we want to believe the lies. It's interesting to contemplate how much we lie to ourselves. You really got me thinking on this one Steve.
Thanks Kristy , me too , sometimes the lie is the gentlest and correct action (when I am not sure)
Maybe that is bullshit , and is just avoidance of actually facing it , here and now
If I had lied to my daughter about the new boundaries with her phone (and left it up to her mum like we had arranged , as I am always the bad cop).
Then the fight would not have happened, she would not have gone to far, and I would not have learnt to say no. Enough, I will no longer carry you and your mother’s rage , this stops now. It is yours, not mine.
I am your father and I love you and myself to much to continue to lie and just nod and say yes to such behaviour.
Her mother and her then had a weekend together and went through a cathartic experience and found the sadness underneath the anger and rage. And what she needs to soothe herself and stay connected to me and her friends.
The lie would have kicked the can down the road again. The truth , of loving , clear parental boundaries. And her deep sadness and need to stay close to her friends via her telephone, and the soothing music she uses to soothe her anger and sadness. All of that would have stayed buried under lies.
I knew the truth , but I was choosing to lie , in case there was an easier truth to cling to. Which absolved me of my duty as a father, and which would cause less distress to my daughter.
Moral wisdom… and it’s absence in white powerful entitled blokes… love it. And it resonates. I’m Australian watching the democratic convention and find myself enraptured by the joy, love, cries for unity, tolerance and compassion on display, enacted, vocalised and lived on the stage (screen). For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful… not for a sudden change in our circumstances, but in how we might be different together as we navigate our way through them. I turn to our Australian political landscape and feel no such surge of optimism. I hear the voices of the entrenched political class leaders of our major parties as they echo each other while bullshitting about how they are different, how they have the best interests of Australians, people, our ecosystems at heart … and I wonder if it will be the young women - thInk Senator Fatima Payman - who may lead us out of our torpor, show the moral wisdom demonstrated by VP Harris and her running mate Walz and remind us of our shared humanity. And again I hope… for a change, for reclamation of our humanity.
I felt the same, Deborah. I think some magic is happening. Walz is perfect, an antidote, a mirror etc. Big Dad Energy is a great correction. As a bit of reality check on this, however, the fact the DNC actively refused a Palestinian speaker is telling. As someone pointed out, it didn't fit their "joy" vibe. I'm somewhat forgiving (not sure this is the right word)...because I'm a pragmatist. We need the vibe shift. In part so we can get on with the work of fighting for the other injustices.
Your September visit to London and a meet-up. Definitely interested. Though I'm better in writing than face-to-face for big discussions, and in small groups and don't drink wine! But yes, depending on when and where and how I'm really interested. Near Kings Cross easiest for me but obviously will fit in with others. Sunday / Monday probably best evenings for me.
I love and agree with the impact that bullshit has on individuals and societies.
There should be and must be a code of ethics introduced for politics, call them the pub judges, some old ladies and gents , who have seen and done it all.
If you get three strikes from them you are no longer allowed to engage in politics or be heard in any form of media , digital or print. If you fail the pub test, then you are banished to the wilderness to die , or be of less harm.
Off topic, but also a little nugget I learnt today. Especially around narcissists and relational communication.
I have been struggling with my tween, and the shitty communication skills she learnt from her mum and I. She is adapt at coercive control as she learnt from the best (not me, my forte is passive aggression 😝).
I have been allowing her to argue and fight with me, but the arguments then descend or elevate into bullshit and gaslighting. (With some nuggets of truth for spice and maximum pain).
I call her on it, and ask her to stop badgering, bullying and being emotionally abusive (only once it elevates into these realms). I also ask for the conversation to end until we are both regulated and chill.
These do not work unfortunately, as my therapist said , if you call a spade a spade , you will get hit by a shovel. Someone needs to absorb the pain a little and soften the language so it can slowly de escalate.
So now for the gold
Rather than label a behaviour , just use wow that hurts , those words or that behaviour really hurts as this is what I really want to achieve and it is only good and love.
And then it’s oh WOW , that word / action hurts even more, please stop, this hurts to much. Let’s try again in 15 minutes.
But now for the big big nugget
Rather than saying no to a request which is inappropriate for me, or for her based on her age or level of maturity and experience, say
I love you too much to say yes to that
Or
I love you too much to allow that to happen
Because A, B or C may occur, is inappropriate based on my values and moral code. Sorry , but I cannot help with that.
I love myself too much to do that to myself , to say yes to that, to be around that type of person
And also to the other person (the narcissist) , as the narcissist is usually paired to or attracted to a co-dependent, who is just as manipulative.
I love you too much to say yes to that , that activity, connection or this relationship. I need to feel the pain of the disconnection, and I want you to feel the pain of consequences. Because in that lay our redemption and deliverance.
Thanks for these thoughts. They feel spot on to me. On the subject of the lack of emotional maturity amongst the white patriarchs and how we can overcome the slipperiness of bullshit, I wonder if developing emotional MATURITY plays a part? This is what Carl Jung called the task of the second half of life. To lose ego in service to collective healing. How can we together participate in this deep letting go?
Thank you for this Sarah. A disgruntled ex employee has spread slander all over Social Media against my business. I just didn't get it. But after reading this article - I now do.... and it kind of doesn't hurt so much. She just enjoyed throwing her toys out of the cot....
Bullshit and ego go together, the bigger the ego the more you bullshit to protect it. I remember a guy I once dated when I was much younger and he bullshitted all the time. At first I thought he was amazing and had so many good stories and experienced so much but it was all a fake show and he just wanted to manipulate me and everyone around him. People who bullshit are just weak and trying to protect their pathetic little egos.
I totally agree with this take on bullshitting but from my personal experience I find lying just as insidious. Firstly there is the narcissist who blatantly lies but very scarily actually believes their lies even when they have been caught out. Then there is the regular liar. I don't know if either of them would willingly be bought back to truth because then they would have to admit they have lied and no one wants to admit that. If a liar knows the truth, completely disregards it and blatantly lies about it, I feel its similar to gaslighting which is very psychologically damaging. To lie well a person/company needs to be convincing, its more concrete, while bullshitting feels more of a grey area where people might still question it. I haven't read the book so I actually don't know. It's a very interesting topic though.
As for the image Sarah...
It's very cool and kinda apt for these times.
In the world. Not of it. Eat an ice cream and bare witness to the b..ll.. f...ckery.
Side note.
All the job losses/of journalists etc etc
As the googlehead boss of abc earns 1/2 mill for life...
The divide is growing. This housing, cost of living, mental health crisis is unsustainable
And humans cry..
" when is the government going to do something ? " surely we can see by now..
They are not , and don't care.
Charles eisenstein says some valuable things, and i don't keep up w politics but saw Kennedy is now endorsing Trump (!?) And as eisenstein was working w kennedy, everyone now, again attacks charles...
The blame game...
I did an essay in yr 12. About a song. By Howard Jones that touched me..
" NOBODY IS TO BLAME..."
It was a resonance thing.
Everyone is looking to point a finger, at someone , something , when we've been duped and lied to about systems, monetary and all...all along...
Humanity, as we know it, or for gen X s, has lost it. It's pretty much gone.
How can we form community or bond? Or just pick your tribe and share w them, presuming you have family or loved ones?
TRUTH is A SHARP, THORNY WHISPER...
The veil is so very thin now, w weird realities, thanks to A.I etc etc...
Hanging on to jewels lyrics,
In the end , only kindness matters...
I don't know what to say.
The patriarchy is at play, esp. In politics, and I'm over it, moloch has become the world default....
The Higgins saga continues, I feel for her, her life ruined, and Reynolds not backing down..
Progress...?
LANTERNS, LETS RISE.
LETS SHOW THEM, TRUTH And LOVE CAN AND WILL WIN OUT.
May the force be with you all x
Gosh… my toddler embodies far more respect for herself and others than these patriarchy defending bull shitters. Can we stop comparing these men to young innocent beings????
They are grown. They are responsible for themselves. They are dangerous.
My toddler is adorable, highly feeling and appropriately expressive of her emotions.
She isn’t dangerous.
While her expression may be big in the moment the next moment she is laughing and joyful. She’s gets on with it.
These bullshitters don’t.
It just really hit how displaced it is to compare these adults to beautiful children… I know and trust your intent. And it’s important for us all to catch this wrong comparison.
Always appreciate you and your work 🙏🏻
My friend was speaking to the ex partner of his current partner the other day at a family event. They had a good chat, and my friend took the high road on many occasions to keep it light and respectful. He could have chosen otherwise.
The mother in law commented to her daughter who well the men conversed, and well behaved they were today. She replied , they are men mum, they are supposed to behave. They are not children.
Was it you Sarah that talked about how we are currently in the adolescence of our civilisation?
I wonder if a human civilisation has ever made it through to adulthood? Or elderhood?
How will this Tween event play out?
Like Anna and Jewel said, in the end there is only kindness , to ourselves through responsibility , and to others through kind and proper response. Not delivering a spade , but maybe an ace up the sleeve of kindness?
I think we do step into adulthood at times in history - there are cycles within cycles.
Please can we step into adulthood then
I have blue balls , a broken heart and fearful for my daughters future 😝
But seems to be more of a death , or I pray a right of passage , time will tell
I do not think Sarah’s words are to be used as an excuse , she is as demanding for men to step up as any other woman.
It does help though to seperate the behaviour from the person , and to understand why their behaviour is fucked up.
One would never call a toddler a narcissistic piece of shit
Nor should one ever call a grown man or woman a narcissistic piece of shit either. Or an evil cat woman , or a hot piece of ass.
This was sent to me to help my daughters mum, but I am also listening as it is shining light on something
It is not women’s or men’s fault , it is all of our faults. Women are closer to the source than men are, so the shit show starts there.
Men’s responsibility begins after this. Are they supporting the woman? Are they abusing the woman? Are we making life easier or harder?
Very simple , yes or no
https://open.spotify.com/show/3npvbn7p9TUUfwDgUD2lwn?si=li83XDSUTpC7lUioXxQn7g
Steve C, with the greatest respect, I do accept the great majority of your submission in response on your reply. However, there is always an indescribable, catastrophic exception that can break the general rule.
I would disagree on your recommendation of never calling a grown man, "a Narcissistic piece of shit"!
To accurately quote Donald Trump, (after yet anotherj episode of mass murder, that killed twenty young Primary School children and several teachers), he said, "It is what it is".
Of course, with his multiple Psychopathologies, much of what he mumbles is all projection and confession.
He is an exception, but he has shown no signs of personal emotional growth since his teens. So technically, he doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria of being "fully grown".
Given the existential destabilising threat he represents to the rest of world, I see value in not "sugarcoating" any labels we choose to apply in describing that threat.
The most terrifying thing is
NO one talks about the hate and misery which is pervasive in American society.
The gun is the tool, the distanced enough messenger of the individuals misery. And the societies disfunction.
Take away the guns, the knives will come out.
It has started here, men with knives.
I walk the streets of Byron and am ready for one of the 100 broken men here in the streets to start.
I called the police on one guy walking around with a big fishing knife on his belt.
Our society is broken also, it is the beautiful canaries that die first. And that is part of the tragedy.
These are not bad people or bad men. They are probably the best of us. The ones who feel the most, who know what is really going on. And it breaks them.
And yes the messier our own back yard is , the easier it is for a demon like Trump to arise. As the contrast is not that big.
We are almost as deluded as him. So he slowly boils us like a frog in a slowly boiling pot. I choose to jump out of the pot and stand their awkward in the nude for a bit until I cool off 🐸😎
I agree 👌🏼
Very poor example
I mean more for the 90 percent of human beings
And in no way do I suggest letting people off, toxic positivity , it’s just life lifeing man ✌🏼
That is all bullshit , they are unique snowflake in the shape of a turd 💩
And there is a way to address that which allows us to respect and accept our own flaws , while also calling out theirs. And arriving at the mutual understanding, agreement, or goal.
Even if that goal is a deuce as we walk away. But at least we tried.
And yes, this is very unfamiliar, uncomfortable and potentially dangerous ground.
If I was to call out one of the Canterbury Bulldogs over their group rape of the 18 year old years back, on the street, it would not end well.
Nor for the woman in a potentially dangerous relationship, of which there are billions. I am trying to navigate a situation with a damage mind and ego. It is terrifying , as like Trump , the level of delusion is immense.
I am failing at trying to explain myself , and I feel I have disregarded women and other oppressed people’s experiences to some degree.
But the feeling for me is, the past is past, tell us what we did wrong, with as much rage as possible, and I will say “FUCK” that was messed up, Jesus, I am sorry.
But do not call me a A,B,C, do not label me Trump , or a crazy cat lady. I am me , and I fuck up, and you fuck up, and our fuck ups teach us how to be better people.
AND if I continue to fuck up, and not apologise, and not try harder. And dismiss and project. Then yes
Call me a Narcissistic piece of shit , and please walk away. And if I try to be president of the United States , attack ME , say what you are afraid of , point out the lies and the methods of manipulation.
But do not call the 90% of dudes and dudettes pieces of shit. Who are just scratching their heads going fuck , I don’t know what to do. He seems to know what he wants. The democrats tried that and they got hit with the spade.
I am not coming up with the answers here, but we are getting there. But basically saying 90 % of boys and girls are fucked and have no idea how to make this work in a good way. We ALL need to put our big boy/girl pants on and say NO to horseshit and FUCK YES to better communication
Agree!!!
Thanks, Sar ... and one of the wacky things about many bullshitters is they have the 'pied piper' ability to attract followers who wish/hope/(do) to believe their BS that simply exacerbates the problem.
Still praying about books/cash 🙏
Big love x
Very true. Bullshitters are very happy to make their cases in the most concrete way, which is what people gravitate towards - solidity. I feel progressives can learn from them - if they're certain about something, get solid about it.
On a quick note, thanks for this post Sarah. It’s one of the reasons I have subscribed here and follow you. Truth is a big one and there should be no compromise or the ‘buts’. I feel many when they see an uncomfortable truth go into silence and also expect the same silence from others rather than let’s discuss and get this out amongst us. Agh … So sorry to hear about your Booktopia news. My good news with them is that I approached my Bank and they were able to refund me for my book purchases that were now not forthcoming. Can your Bank help in any way? Best wishes x
Thanks for the tip. Alas my money was paid to the printers, the editors etc.
Sarah - this is a general comment / question - I couldn't find a place to put it so have tagged it onto your latest post. I've just been listening to a webinar with Lydia Violet (from the School of the Great Turning), with extracts from Joanna Macey, reflecting the 3 stories from Active Hope: Business As Usual, The Great Unravelling, The Great Turning. And the Great Turning in turn has 3 actual, possible, emerging components: Holding Actions (to block / prevent greater harm - what Activists do?); New and remembered (an addition) Gaian Systems - creating them; Shifts in consciousness. Lydia also spoke of grief and hope, the power of community, finding new meaning. It feels like a beautiful connection with your work. And I wondered what influence, resonance and difference you feel there is?
I think I reference JM's take in the Hope and Truth chapters.
I've heard JM talk to this on the podcast she The Great Turning she does with Jess Serrante. I felt a great deal of resonance. We are talking to the same emotional needs and spiritual paths...slightly different language. I'll check out Lydia's work.
I am going to go right out on a limb here and ask some questions and give some really annoying hot takes
It is a little reactive as I am dealing with some issues regaining the use and abuse of power right now. With two incredible women no less ☺️.
But I want to strike up the conversation, with the aim of making this book as impactful as possible and also to make this space a more inclusive, safe and proactive one.
When JD Vance and the other uncomfortable men attack single cat ladies, who are they speaking to? And why are they speaking to them? Why aren’t the single cat ladies speaking to them? Or maybe they are? And what language are they using towards them? Kind words? Funny words? Proactive words?
I asked my therapist if using words such as bullying, abusive, belittling, and emotionally violent to describe the actions and words of a tween were appropriate? I know they are on the edge, but I also want to call a spade a spade, as to do otherwise is being passive aggressive.
His response was , those words are okay, but if you call a spade a spade, you will most likely get hit with a shovel 🤣
Spot on
But I wanted to raise a discussion, and I know, it is not the ultimate truth, but it is also not bullshit? Or is it? I would like to call bullshit on the patriarchal , colonial , white man discussion.
Because I think it is as distracting as hot single cat ladies , and is used to sell eyeballs , podcasts and books by way to many people.
And as a middle aged, white, and privileged as fuck man , it hurts my feelings , smells like bullshit , and makes me want to have a hissy fit and go and watch a Jordan Peterson video 😳🫣😘
It is not white, male, female, privileged, people who run the show. We are just the ones who use power in a manner which gets us the most material things.
We ALL profit and pander to the status quo. And we ALL utilise power within our own relationships and communities, in the exact same manner and way.
Women and Men of all colours, races, breeds and orientations which created the current system, and utilise and maintain the current system. As we all crave to climb the rungs and get what is sold to us on the TVs and phones that we adore.
We will not abandon it until we are modelled another way, which looks and more importantly feels more real, genuine and loving. And most importantly real, practical and possible.
And yes there are those who do hold the power and are increasingly scrambling to get more of it. The most visible and most effective at it are narcissistic, dangerous men, black, white, red, yellow etc etc etc.
But behind them, as good old Macbeth knows, is an even more cunning woman, who is better at the game than most of the boys.
They may all put her down, but they all envy and want her. So who holds the power? It swings back and forth? Doesn’t it?
Can we get your message across Sarah with different language? Can we speak of the power games rather than the individual? Or the group?
Can we bridge that gap? Can we model and initiate change? Can we sell enough books and eyeballs?
I say yes we can , what do you think?
Bullshit or truth? Or is it a shit sandwich that we need to reengineer?
Re the middle aged white male call...so many responses to your questions here. I can't be comprehensive with my response at the moment, but a few thoughts...
Agree - we are all operating in and contributing to the system.
AND - adults have a responsibility, to my mind, to operate in human, life-preserving ways. And, overwhelmingly, the buck stops with men. Women might be complicit and playing games in the background to secure safety. But bucks stop and power resides with old white etc blokes. I've been reading Hannah Arendt and how who defined her brand of humanism...stemming from Kant's notion of moral responsibility and it's made me even more adamant that this is something we must insist on.
ERGP - some stuff has to be called out, and some folk must be made uncomfortable etc.
Bridging gaps...would love it. But more men need to awaken.
Can I ask - different language, what do you mena by this? Yes, I talk power games (next chapter is on moloch), but the truth is more men need to wake up.
Thanks Sarah
It’s all good here , I am a little ranty , but also in the best place in my life. So feeling feisty and looking to dance, chat and mingle 😝.
The girls are all good , sorting it all out. Her mum is the devil, but also a very good person, it just takes a lot of pain to break her and bring out the real her. Which is unfortunate, as it should be good times that bring out our true nature.
And yes, in the economic realm, industrial realm, political realm and farming realm. Men in general are the ones responsible for the shit show. Women have their niche pockets of power where it has gone toxic. But in general, it’s the boys who need to tidy up.
We have the biggest spades and the most time on our hands as our women insist that we go out and get a bigger house to prove our love for them. Or we batter our wives and blame the world and go and destroy it.
Or we run around in chaos as we do not know how to love them all.
Or home is an abusive hell hole. So we stay at work , spend more , do more , take a lover maybe.
On the home front though, I think it maybe where the power is and the responsibility. And this is THE most important place on the planet.
Fuck the UN, the battlefield, of the Palace. It is home which dictates what we eat, what we say, what we do and who we connect to. What is happening in Putins house tonight? Or Netanyahus? He is stirring the pot.
Home base is what dictates a man’s behaviour, AND I know , for women to initiate change here can be a very dangerous proposition. But it is happening.
Boys are getting their reckoning and feeling the pain. Finally 🙏🏼
As far as change in language. Using the divisive language which fuels the algorithm monster machine does not work.
I know that you do not do this on purpose , but your role as an antagonist to the status quo, and a pioneer of the woke movement (I know you are not woke, but woke originally was just pointing out the elephant in the room). Has actually helped fuel the fire.
The algorithm took your hang on a sec boys, here is some vulnerability and honesty. And it fucking ran with it. Now it is churned into bullshit , this is my truth , I speak for you, I feel your pain. It’s them, they did it , it’s not your fault , your the victim , it’s the cats and those mean ladies 😅
Maybe the language is just truth , I need this , I want to see this in the world. I do not want to be called a lonely cat lady.
I am a lonely lady because the boys have not been taught to love themselves or me correctly. Because their mother, and my mother hated their father so so much. Because he was a lier, full of bullshit, scared of me, scared of his father , mother , etc etc etc.
I want it to end , now , tell me your name , tell me what you want , and if it works we will build it together, and we will care for ourselves and our world and each other so that when we fuck up. It does not lead to a world war, it just means we flick each other with rubber bands. Laugh and get the fuck back to work
And yes , with plenty of accountability amongst the language , but no blame and judgement , just NO! This is the way forward that I see, what do you see? Or good let’s do C that’s makes us both happy
I meant to say Putin is stirring the pot , but stirring the other spoon is his batshit crazy partner.
My question is , is the disease gender balanced ? The actions and impact and symptoms are predominantly male on the macro scale. Except for consumption , this is 90% on the ladies (part from missiles, monster trucks, and JetSkis. But on the micro level the pathogen is binary? This is not a cop out or dodging responsibility, instead I see this as an opportunity, if we are both fucktards , then it is easier to spot and help each other
Steve, I'm sorry stuff is coming up at the moment. I've not been in the comments over the weekend, so I'm playing catch up.
Single cat ladies - I don't think Vance et al actually think of particular women when they use this phrase. They see women, broadly, as objects fulfilling a role, and a role that keeps them feeling comfortable. I doubt they would register whether such a woman has spoken to them or not.
Oh I know that , he is a lost cause , the head of the pimple 😝 I hope his Donut Shop memes take some heat off of poor Ray Gun
And yes , the man is and maybe will always be the figure head? I hope not, in the future I would like to see couples allow one to step forward in certain situations and the other in one where their strengths lay
Yes men need to wake up, but so do all of the ladies. And yes girls always tend to lead this first, they are generally the ones to break it off, or end things.
Generally because they can feel what it does to their emotions and body? As men become more embodied (I fucking hate this word) then they will start to say no more.
This is what happened to me, I could not longer carry the burden of emotionally carrying my daughter and my ex and their behaviour. So I said no.
They lost their shit , and it all cumulated in two hours spent on the lounge room floor , crying and releasing all of the anger and the sadness which was being pushed onto me. And discovery of what her needs are and why. She was able to access them via her rage at me saying no more and holding her accountable.
That’s what the world needs , men and women saying no , I love you too much to keep doing this bat shit crazy guff.
I maybe only looking at this through my own experience though and I am aware of this. And in no way am I trying to pass the buck. Or an apology. But there is a nugget I sense here and I keep digging for it. Not to get a bite. But because I think it is not a hard rock , but a succulent peach ☺️
And the media curates what we read, hear, see; perpetuates the dynamic that sells their lies and BS. Of course not all media or journalists are so shallow, but the ones that are have the loudest voice and the deepest pockets.
If there’s a response from women, msm will only share it if it gives momentum to the drama/scandal/stereotypes they’re dishing out… not good for any of us.
This is true , I saw the curated comments section the other day on insta, a boys one and a girls one. I propose a ban on digital media , re-initiate media watch dogs and industry standards.
Clean the fucking slate
It’s tricky to respond to what you’ve shared about the turmoil you and your tween are experiencing… we only have a tiny glimpse of the full, rich picture.
I can recall the pain of the various ways my kids rejected me as their brains went into complete overhaul. Figuring out how to stay present and provide stability in the face of such a huge upheaval is incredibly challenging. This person you adore, that you have loved and kept alive changes before your eyes.
It really helps to have a friend to talk to - someone you can swap horror stories with , cry, laugh, complain and exchange words of support.
Despite the hurt you feel and the behaviours you describe… she really needs you.
Or there's this community to talk to.
I fell ill-qualified to chime in, as I've only had teen foster kids. I'm so glad you and others here support the conversation. x
Thanks Nicole , I know that , but it has to be safe for me and safe for her. And I have very thick skin so it’s okay ☺️.
But yes, it’s tough, just as life was getting a little more on track and I had time and energy to read to her more at night. No, you missed your chance dad, now I want to talk to my girlfriends at night, shut the door on the way out please
😳😭
You snooze you lose 😣😝
I have a teen and a tween and I personally would not use that language to label their behaviour. They are undoubtedly difficult and can say some cruel things but I remind myself that they are trying to figure themselves and life out and I try not to take it personally. I remember how hard it was being that age and how self absorbed I was. This is just my personal opinion but I understand that every family and situation is different and I have no idea what you personally are dealing with. I have been told on numerous occasions that this is just a stage and it does get easier.
I just received a nugget of wisdom from Jason Field.
The greatest gift we can give someone, is to allow them to speak to exhaustion.
To stay silent, and allow them to air all of their dirty laundry
And to give them the gift of our presence
Not our answers or genius , understanding or wisdom , just the grace of being with them
The outcome?
They will very likely already know the answer to the problem, or the stain on their sheets by the time they finish
We will understand all of what they understand as we did not interrupt them with our rude answer, words or solutions
And then, and only then, may we have the right to reply with maybe an answer , but most likely by then we will have a question also , which will solve two problems 😎😝
This concept is also the cornerstone of supporting people through grief. Sitting with them, giving them time and space to feel, verbalise or whatever else they need, without interruption, judgement or voicing our opinions. Too often we are merely waiting for a pause in the conversation to voice our responses.
It is the greatest gift to just listen.
I know Steve you might bristle at this...but this is what women are so often requesting of men...just listen without interrupting.
Yep that's a great nugget of wisdom. I have been guilty on numerous occasions of trying to solve people's problems or offering advice when all they needed from me was to be seen, heard and understood. I must continue to remind myself of this. Thanks Steve
It is hard isn’t it , but the results are so incredible
Yes, I am guilty of same, particularly when I"m in "my parents' little adult mode" or in work mode, but I enjoy the interaction far more when I let the other person rip.
nice
Thanks Kristy
I agree, the words are too advanced in a way, but they are also accurate. And the behaviour should not be used by an age group or gender.
I do not take it personally , and the stuff that actually hurts always has a grain of truth. So it is a productive experience in that regard (ie reflection and change). I am dialling it back a bit and trying more non violent communication and going to try just “wow” those words really hurt, now I feel scared and angry, can you please stop until we both calm down etc etc.
Where it becomes abusive for me is when it does not stop , even after asking politely.
I am afraid that if she uses this behaviour with a partner in the future who is not able to control and regulate himself like me. That she will be in danger, as they will use physical force rather than their voice and words.
Because the only way to stop the situation is to remove myself from the room or car or use an extremely loud voice to create shock.
And yes, it will pass, and I cannot imagine how she feels inside, it must be a turmoil in there the poor little chook.
Or are we just lying to ourselves?
How much we participate and maintain the structures?
How much us men throw around our power in chaotic ways?
Or how much power women actually hold, and the ways that it supports the current norm?
And prevents honest dialogue?
Because what then?
Oh shit we lose that power?
But doesn’t that power smell like bullshit?
Thanks Sarah. I love this distinction that liars are still engaged with the concept of truth, while bullshitters simply couldn't care less. If interested in some additional angles on this, Aja Raden's book 'The Truth About Lies,' asks some questions like, "Why do we believe the things we believe?" while also pointing out that lying is a building block of how we communicate as human beings. If at a certain point, a toddler, when asked, "Are you hiding something in your hands?" can't giggle while claiming, "No!" and putting their hands behind their back, we're going to think something's wrong with them. But lies also enable us to do extraordinary things at a collective level - just take cash money which is simply pieces of paper printed with fancy colours - but we all buy into a collective lie that those pieces of paper have value, which allows us to engage in commerce.
Thanks as always for your perspective and for providing tactics to help us stand our ground and not get swept up into the bullshit.
Really interesting points. And they feed into the idea that lies still have a respect for truth...in a strange way.
Thanks Matthew , sometimes lies are things that we hide from ourselves or others because of the pain associated with them. We believe that the other cannot handle the truth (fuck your Jack Nicholson 😝) or even ourselves. And sometimes it is a gentle lie, we are not ready to see or discuss the truth yet. Like a couple who know it’s over , or do not know what will happen. But let’s string this lie out for a few more hour, days or years.
Or the narcissistic mother/father who bullies the family. The lie maintains the family unit, as the truth may actually splinter it entirely. There is honesty and grace in some lies?
Gosh I feel this comment. Sometimes the truth is too hard to face and acknowledging it feels impossible. What a moral quandary, trying desperately to do the right thing even though deep down it feels wrong. This is so relevant to the whole conversation, staying in a relationship or a job we hate or our bubble where we don't want to acknowledge truth (like collapse or climate change etc). We may say we hate being lied to but sometimes we want to believe the lies. It's interesting to contemplate how much we lie to ourselves. You really got me thinking on this one Steve.
The hope narrative, per chapter one, is one such lie, right?
It sure is
Thanks Kristy , me too , sometimes the lie is the gentlest and correct action (when I am not sure)
Maybe that is bullshit , and is just avoidance of actually facing it , here and now
If I had lied to my daughter about the new boundaries with her phone (and left it up to her mum like we had arranged , as I am always the bad cop).
Then the fight would not have happened, she would not have gone to far, and I would not have learnt to say no. Enough, I will no longer carry you and your mother’s rage , this stops now. It is yours, not mine.
I am your father and I love you and myself to much to continue to lie and just nod and say yes to such behaviour.
Her mother and her then had a weekend together and went through a cathartic experience and found the sadness underneath the anger and rage. And what she needs to soothe herself and stay connected to me and her friends.
The lie would have kicked the can down the road again. The truth , of loving , clear parental boundaries. And her deep sadness and need to stay close to her friends via her telephone, and the soothing music she uses to soothe her anger and sadness. All of that would have stayed buried under lies.
I knew the truth , but I was choosing to lie , in case there was an easier truth to cling to. Which absolved me of my duty as a father, and which would cause less distress to my daughter.
Winning 🏆
Fuck yeah !!!!!
Yep, like we can have white lies, but not white bullshit.
White lies are stained with blood spots though, if used for too long the stain will show and the blood will flow
Moral wisdom… and it’s absence in white powerful entitled blokes… love it. And it resonates. I’m Australian watching the democratic convention and find myself enraptured by the joy, love, cries for unity, tolerance and compassion on display, enacted, vocalised and lived on the stage (screen). For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful… not for a sudden change in our circumstances, but in how we might be different together as we navigate our way through them. I turn to our Australian political landscape and feel no such surge of optimism. I hear the voices of the entrenched political class leaders of our major parties as they echo each other while bullshitting about how they are different, how they have the best interests of Australians, people, our ecosystems at heart … and I wonder if it will be the young women - thInk Senator Fatima Payman - who may lead us out of our torpor, show the moral wisdom demonstrated by VP Harris and her running mate Walz and remind us of our shared humanity. And again I hope… for a change, for reclamation of our humanity.
I felt the same, Deborah. I think some magic is happening. Walz is perfect, an antidote, a mirror etc. Big Dad Energy is a great correction. As a bit of reality check on this, however, the fact the DNC actively refused a Palestinian speaker is telling. As someone pointed out, it didn't fit their "joy" vibe. I'm somewhat forgiving (not sure this is the right word)...because I'm a pragmatist. We need the vibe shift. In part so we can get on with the work of fighting for the other injustices.
Your September visit to London and a meet-up. Definitely interested. Though I'm better in writing than face-to-face for big discussions, and in small groups and don't drink wine! But yes, depending on when and where and how I'm really interested. Near Kings Cross easiest for me but obviously will fit in with others. Sunday / Monday probably best evenings for me.
Noted. At this stage likely to be the Thursday...cos I am presenting at an event on the Sunday eve.
Ah that's a shame. That's the day I'm least likely to be able to make it.
I love and agree with the impact that bullshit has on individuals and societies.
There should be and must be a code of ethics introduced for politics, call them the pub judges, some old ladies and gents , who have seen and done it all.
If you get three strikes from them you are no longer allowed to engage in politics or be heard in any form of media , digital or print. If you fail the pub test, then you are banished to the wilderness to die , or be of less harm.
Off topic, but also a little nugget I learnt today. Especially around narcissists and relational communication.
I have been struggling with my tween, and the shitty communication skills she learnt from her mum and I. She is adapt at coercive control as she learnt from the best (not me, my forte is passive aggression 😝).
I have been allowing her to argue and fight with me, but the arguments then descend or elevate into bullshit and gaslighting. (With some nuggets of truth for spice and maximum pain).
I call her on it, and ask her to stop badgering, bullying and being emotionally abusive (only once it elevates into these realms). I also ask for the conversation to end until we are both regulated and chill.
These do not work unfortunately, as my therapist said , if you call a spade a spade , you will get hit by a shovel. Someone needs to absorb the pain a little and soften the language so it can slowly de escalate.
So now for the gold
Rather than label a behaviour , just use wow that hurts , those words or that behaviour really hurts as this is what I really want to achieve and it is only good and love.
And then it’s oh WOW , that word / action hurts even more, please stop, this hurts to much. Let’s try again in 15 minutes.
But now for the big big nugget
Rather than saying no to a request which is inappropriate for me, or for her based on her age or level of maturity and experience, say
I love you too much to say yes to that
Or
I love you too much to allow that to happen
Because A, B or C may occur, is inappropriate based on my values and moral code. Sorry , but I cannot help with that.
nice techniques. I applaud you for not giving up,
Helps with dealing with narcissism also
You can say it to yourself
I love myself too much to do that to myself , to say yes to that, to be around that type of person
And also to the other person (the narcissist) , as the narcissist is usually paired to or attracted to a co-dependent, who is just as manipulative.
I love you too much to say yes to that , that activity, connection or this relationship. I need to feel the pain of the disconnection, and I want you to feel the pain of consequences. Because in that lay our redemption and deliverance.
Thanks Sarah
Now Is the time of monsters
Seems the cunning survive better financially w little moral compass.
Your art and HEART prevails x
Thanks for these thoughts. They feel spot on to me. On the subject of the lack of emotional maturity amongst the white patriarchs and how we can overcome the slipperiness of bullshit, I wonder if developing emotional MATURITY plays a part? This is what Carl Jung called the task of the second half of life. To lose ego in service to collective healing. How can we together participate in this deep letting go?
Thank you for this Sarah. A disgruntled ex employee has spread slander all over Social Media against my business. I just didn't get it. But after reading this article - I now do.... and it kind of doesn't hurt so much. She just enjoyed throwing her toys out of the cot....
Wrote this in reply to another comment but wanted to share to the group
It is on the periphery of the bullshit / lies discussion
But also very very relevant , as the lies begin at birth , and our ability to decipher the two begins within the womb
“I do not think Sarah’s words are to be used as an excuse , she is as demanding for men to step up as any other woman.
It does help though to seperate the behaviour from the person , and to understand why their behaviour is fucked up.
One would never call a toddler a narcissistic piece of shit
Nor should one ever call a grown man or woman a narcissistic piece of shit either. Or an evil cat woman , or a hot piece of ass.
This was sent to me to help my daughters mum, but I am also listening as it is shining light on something
It is not women’s or men’s fault , it is all of our faults. Women are closer to the source than men are, so the shit show starts there.
Men’s responsibility begins after this. Are they supporting the woman? Are they abusing the woman? Are we making life easier or harder?
Very simple , yes or no “
https://open.spotify.com/show/3npvbn7p9TUUfwDgUD2lwn?si=li83XDSUTpC7lUioXxQn7g
Bullshit and ego go together, the bigger the ego the more you bullshit to protect it. I remember a guy I once dated when I was much younger and he bullshitted all the time. At first I thought he was amazing and had so many good stories and experienced so much but it was all a fake show and he just wanted to manipulate me and everyone around him. People who bullshit are just weak and trying to protect their pathetic little egos.
Anyway that's just my thoughts.
Yup , its a thing
Two of my friends at Uni created two fictional personalities and lives and went out and had a ball
Nothing malicious , and they did not use it to get sex under false pretences, but people flocked to the people that they had created
Maybe it is partly because they are actually playing , and having fun , which is attractive?
Trump is having a fucking ball, or was, but he is partly playing and also partly believing his own tripe
Yep totally agree.
I totally agree with this take on bullshitting but from my personal experience I find lying just as insidious. Firstly there is the narcissist who blatantly lies but very scarily actually believes their lies even when they have been caught out. Then there is the regular liar. I don't know if either of them would willingly be bought back to truth because then they would have to admit they have lied and no one wants to admit that. If a liar knows the truth, completely disregards it and blatantly lies about it, I feel its similar to gaslighting which is very psychologically damaging. To lie well a person/company needs to be convincing, its more concrete, while bullshitting feels more of a grey area where people might still question it. I haven't read the book so I actually don't know. It's a very interesting topic though.