What I worry about with the Huberman’s “expose” is how this behaviour will not only be normalised but idealised by his 20something male fanatic audience.
His response and the consequences will be telling. Hopefully it will not be normalised.
But seen as a great example of the risks involved when you look for the answers in another man, woman or deity.
And a great example of how broken men have become, and the lengths that we go to try and soothe those wounds.
The author did a good job of describing the impact on the victims of the behaviour. It would be good to have had a discussion as to why he acts this way. But then again, it is pretty obvious, as obvious as the size of the hole created by his upbringing.
although, the parents' take (and the friends' take) suggests that his story was somewhat confected. Agree, though, a lot of misdirected pain. I see a controlling, calorie/dopamine-measuring bro and I see wounded boy who has not had the opportunity to do some work...and by work, we really mean, have a wake-up call.
Let's face it, we're all wounded, broken, have baggage. But if a 40 something highly educated man, who knows lots about the brain, spends most of the time listening to lots of experts in all sorts of fields hasn't fixed himself to be a decent human, then what can we expect from the average person? Unless, these powerful, control freaks men think the rules don't apply to them, he's god, everybody wants him etc etc (I'm rolling my eyes as I type this).
I'm a life-long learner. When it comes to self-help kind of knowledge, I feel I know it all, it's putting it in practice or sticking with the good habits etc. is what is a problem for me, which is why I return to inspirational, self-help kind of content to spur me on.
While I get what you're trying to say, I wouldn't equate "losing yourself in a person" to losing oneself in a book, in the first case one can get or transmit a STI, an unwanted pregnancy can occur, not to mention people have feelings, unlike books or the bottle.
And yes , the level of damage that he has created is immense, and the risk he put these women at is terrible, in no way am I condoning his behaviour ✌🏼
I wonder if his true fans even read the article. His response to this whole thing is crucial in how everything plays out.
No human belongs on a pedestal, it is detrimental to both that human and their followers. But many are desperate for leadership and guidance just as desperate as they are for power.
That last phrase, lyrically expressed: “it is pretty obvious, as obvious as the size of the hole created by his upbringing”.
Not easy to not get caught up in soothing the wounds in questionable ways these days.
And yes, we help to create the monsters by putting our power into the pockets and egos of those who quite obviously have an excessive need for it
And I should have said , as also evidenced by the hole of destruction left by the behaviour
It continues to astound me how we as humans continue to choose chaos and destruction over just feeling damn good.
How could he have managed this level of deception? The toll on his soul, mind and body would be huge.
It is telling though, reminds me of the Bondi dudes your dad mentioned Sarah. Anyone who obsesses over anything is clearly demonstrating a soothing behaviour. And lack of real direction.
He needs to apologise , with no excuses, and start a discussion around the fine line between discipline for joy, healing and growth and obsession for control of oneself and others.
He may do a Jay Shetty and just ignore the piece altogether 🤷🏻♀️
It’s fascinating to me how so called take down / cancel pieces on high profile folks are dealt with so differently pending on if the subject is male or female 🤔
I interviewed Matt Browne from Decoding the Gurus on Wild a while back and they have only had 1 woman who "makes the gurumeter" - Brene Brown. Even then, they said, she doesn't quite tick off all the criteria. I say a bit about why on the ep.
Referring to Bianca suggesting the males are fake gurus. Plenty of women in the same space that are BS. Over the last 4 years, I’ve become very cynical of all self helps. The majority have never actually achieved anything other than communicate and motivate.
Yep, certainly a lot of BS in the wellness space, the men tend to take it to guru extremes at a far greater rate and reach. As I mention in another comment, I talk about this with the Decoding the Gurus host Matt Browne on a Wild ep
Don’t disagree w that Sarah. I think YouTube and podcasting has pushed more fakes up out of the ground. You only have to get a few good slots on some podcasts and you can live off cut up footage/segments for sometime
My concern is your placing a blanket over young men who may consume his content. In my 42 years, I’ve never spoken to anyone who would normalise such behaviour
Unfortunately, I am saying this after seeing a very long thread on X which was showing exactly that. The narrative was “so the protocols work”. Definitely I am not trying to put a blanket over all fans, I am one of them.
Are you sure that's correct? I know it's a lot, but that much? In any case, even if they are Bots, the same point remains....the dominant discourse (on socials and beyond) is supports the point Ana-Maria is making, no?
It’s exciting to hear that you’re back in Paris and I hope you had a good night’s sleep after your arrival!
I think it was me who sent you the Pankaj Mishra article, and I’m so glad that you’ve shared it here, as it’s such a worthwhile read. Two other pieces that explore similar ideas are Masha Gessen’s controversial essay, ‘In the Shadow of the Holocaust’, and the two chapters on Israel-Palestine in Naomi Klein’s Doppelgänger book, which Naomi’s provided a free link to on her website:
I look forward to diving into the other long read you’ve shared…
On the subject of travelling (and living) lightly, I agree so much with everything you’ve said about the benefits of living this way. Our family of five can currently fit all our worldly possessions in the boot and roof of our 4WD, and even this much ‘stuff’ is starting to feel like too much. We’re working towards living and travelling with just one backpack each, and I can’t wait to reduce our belongings down even further. It’s an incredibly liberating way to live, and I’ve personally found that the less I have, the less I want. Our kids are also becoming less and less materialistic, though we are lugging around about 20kg of Lego!
Does anyone here follow Robin Greenfield? I love the life experiments he conducts to encourage others to live more minimally and sustainably. He wrote a post on Facebook the other day about his complete wardrobe of 19 items that are all hand-made, made from natural fibres (wool, linen, cotton and deer skin) and naturally dyed. It’s also food for thought / inspiration (and makes me want to learn how to sew):
Ah, of course it was you!!! I'm so glad I read it and I'm now going to do those two NK chapters.
I have to confess , I brought TOO much back to Paris with me. And I'm cringing that I now have 3 coats and 4 jumpers and back up thermals...but I had them back home, so figured they might as well come here and I'll "wear them out". You're right, less begets less.
As the parent of very adult kids, you'll be glad for the Lego, worth lugging around....when my kids and I were home educating together for 4 years (we were living on a property) the Education Dept person who visited us each year just sat and played Lego with my kids and chatted to them. "Yep, they are doing well" She would ask them to explain their method, and I could not believe what I would hear!....Lego is the one and only thing my son has wanted to keep from his childhood.
Sarah you are one of the reasons I stopped buying clothes. I was already travelling light but not living light. Still trying to distribute the too many clothes/possessions that I have. Love your approach to laundry too!
A necessary hit piece? I think so. Even more so since his self-awareness and internal work is his calling card, and is largely what has made him a 'guru'. Playing house, lying about monogamy (and having unprotected sex), and planning families with multiple women is ABUSE. And it needs to be named as such. And tech (dating apps and social media) can be the fuel for this type of behaviour, unfortunatley. It will be really interesting to see how he responds to this. A series of podcasts to explore and further normalize his "love addiction"? Or maybe he comes clean on the misogyny and abuse, owns up to it, and really does the work, and is a positive influence to his over 6M Insta (mostly male I think) followers.
Good points. I'm very interested to see how the bro-caster community respond, and women and men who love the guy. Sadly, I feel it will polarise people. A figure they felt they could trust being attacked? It's too much cognitively and, these days, seems to result in denial/avoidance etc to escape the painful dissonance. Let's watch this space!
Agreed on the polarization. It will be interesting and he will set the tone I think in his response. Definitely a big hit with women, too, I'm realizing. Overtly masculine while also presenting with high EQ and IQ and a real caring/compassionate side. I know I once googled him to see if he had a girlfriend/boyfriend lol.
Haha. Thanks, Chris. Human nature, right? And he is too good to be true ;) I hate what we value these days. It's just so superficial. And social media (and dating apps) have compounded it by a 1000.
That is one of the biggest problems with this , the dissonance and despair created when someone we trust falls.
Upon waking this morning I pondered what would be the anti moloch approach to handling this situation.
I will see if I can write a short essay and post it 🤔🫣😅
Feels like we are managing it here on this forum , not too much defence or attack. Just calling it out and scratching our heads and figuring it outs.
Plus the learning from this is huge , as it would be for the women involved. There would have been a million red flags fluttering on his black cotton shoulders. And a lot of enabling or behaviour which allowed him the room to be so abusive.
And I say this in full humility and in respect for his victims. I have experienced similar behaviour towards me , but not as prolonged or calculated. I know what it does to the mind and the heart.
But I have to believe that there is a way to forgive ourselves and them and trust again.
In hindsight it was obvious to me, but blind at the time.
Sounds like you have had some corkers along the way Sarah. What are your tips?
My take aways are questions
What are your and their motivations?
Attention, distraction and caretaking?
Companionship, mutual understanding and growth, support of and synergy in life path, love?
And then actions speak louder than words, do actions move towards these things. Is there movement through their fear towards the goals.
In Andrew’s case, it sounds like his intellect was used in an extreme case of manipulation though.
Thank you for another great newsletter. I remember your green shorts. (RIP) We have to normalise repeat outfits. I have a long way to go on cutting down, while I don't shop new often, I've been op-shopping a bit too much lately.
Synchronicity or whatever is called, just in the past few weeks I was discussing Huberman and the Joe Rogans of the world with a male colleague, who was praising the first 2. I immediately dismissed Rogan. I tried Huberman's podcast a few times some years back, maybe during Covid? like most people, I was curious. But I don't know, I'm getting tired of the therapy talk, the big fancy words, the know-it-all-dudes. Also, it's mostly dudes interviewing dudes and they all go around the same circle. At some point, I overdosed on self-help, improve yourself, get healthier information. The crunch for me is when they start peddling supplements and multi-vitamins, which, especially in the US are not regulated, you can make whatever claims you want, and put the "proprietary" label which allows you to not state ingredients and quantities. I know I'm not telling you anything new Sarah.
I read the hitjob on Huberman. Admittedly, recently I've been taking a bit too much joy from seeing that certain "gurus" are being found out not to be so mighty and great (sorry/not sorry). I may enjoy a bit schadenfreude, confirmation bias etc., but I can also recognise that there's not much of value for the public interest in that piece. I've also seen comments like, "wow, he's messing with 3 women in the same day his "method" is working great." I don't know why I still expect men of a certain age to be different. If they were out about just being interested in hook-ups, fine, but when you play house with women who dream of families with you, while you're playing others on the side, that makes my blood boil. You were on point about that kind of man. You sure dodged a bullet there.
I hope you get over the jetlag quickly. Paris must be lovely in spring.
I think there is a feeling some of us have that the guru bubble NEEDS to be burst. It's got too powerful, too elite, too cringe. I guess calling out individual hypocrisies etc is one way to put pins in the bubble. There's also the Russell Brand case...the guru phenomenon does tend to be tied up with misogyny.
Yes, I was a fan of Brand at some point (FB kindly reminds me of my sharing some of his videos years ago) when he was anti the rich, calling out certain inequalities etc. Then slowly he became a conspiracy nutjob, there's no other way to put it. My list of public men I admire has been dwindling down greatly in the past year. I've stopped following Ricky Gervais (his last Netflix stand-up was just awful!), I'm getting fed up with Bill Maher as well.
Truly, it's like they start off with sound points, but the fame and attention sees them grasping for more fame and attention and so many wound up being the very people they once critiqued. It's almost like they need to do two year sprints, then disappear into the wilderness. Come back again, two years. Like Jon Stewart (who I'm currently liking but am just waiting for him to do a turdy turn)
I still like Jon Stewart and haven't stopped watching the Daily Show, they're a talented bunch. Based on what I've been watching even before his return, he's not likely to change his views.
I used to follow Charles Eisenstein, but he went down the rabbit hole during Covid and I don't really follow him anymore.
I think Alan Watts was a serial philanderer (married three times and fathered several children to at least two or three different women), a chain smoker and an alcoholic, so not exactly a beacon of morality and togetherness either...
I've never heard a bad word said about Thich Nhat Hanh and really hope he was as wonderful as I'd like to believe he was. I think I'd completely despair if any dirt ever came out about him!
I haven't heard of either Zac or Charles, will look them up. I'm looking and working at following/supporting more women, when it comes to things I watch (if there are no female leads in a movie, I tend to skip), I prioritise watching female stand up shows etc., I'm more generous with my follow/likes when it comes to female made content. I read a lot, I've been reading more and more female, non-binary authors (at least 70% in the past 2, 3 years). I've still got a long way to go when it comes to music, which is something I spend a lot of time and money on, but I'm making progress. The male voices are predominant, the algorithm is hard to beat, but I'm making a conscious effort, in my own way, with my limited financial resources, I'm trying to amplify women's voices. It doesn't mean that I don't have to fight some of my internalised misogyny and unconscious biases - I'm a work in progress.
I work in a library, too, I know what you're saying. I see/help both ends of the spectrum, affluent boomers and a quite a few struggling ones, especially women.
I love this take! It‘s why I am starting a salon style series of events where I live, a very popular destination for retirement. I want to hear those stories, I want them to have a space where to impart their wisdom.
I read somewhere that as soon as Brand got wind of the sexual assault allegations against him before the public knew, he started to lean right, and then kept on going. He was welcomed there...
That's so interesting. A similar thing happened to Naomi Wolf after her book 'Outrages' was found to contain fundamental errors - she was 'cancelled' by the left and then embraced by the right. I'd love to know how many of the conspiracy theories they now spread, they actually believe, or if it's just a completely cynical exercise to stay relevant and rake in a lot more money.
I could bear some of his Kundalini, meditation stuff, but calling on Christianity/religion, grr, big thumbs down from me, although, nothing he can do now, say now, can remove him from my shit-list on account of all the misogyny, previous behaviour claims.
Yes, those revelations have made him fairly irredeemable in my eyes, but also the fact that he seems to just be chasing money and fame from peddling right-wing conspiracy theories these days...
It got me down and into a little bit of a funk , reading about the pain that we cause to ourselves and to others.
Interestingly enough astrologically, right now we are reaping what we have sown, regarding relationships of all types.
And it’s pointing out how or where our behaviour needs to change so that we can play the game of love and life as it should and wants to be played.
Besides the woo woo stuff, yes, this will be a massive wake up call for him and many others.
Loved Livs positivity and points regarding the nature of life. This gave me a little insight , if I am not curious and having fun , as if this is a game. Then I am most likely in a state Moloch.
Reminds me of a good argument with a friend, or a game of tennis , or boxing, or even a really damn good argument with a lover.
You want to be hit with something good and true , so that you can up your game also. The sting of defeat or an uncomfortable truth can be such a positive thing. When you are playing with others who want to play fair.
I love to be reminded of this.
Especially when life is dropping lemons on me, or is literally or metaphorically kicking my ass. Laugh at the storm, don’t try and trick it, fix it or optimise dopamine in order to beat it. The game is playing with you and is waiting for your best shot ☺️
That line “love is that which enables choice” 🙏🏼
Heard a lot of truth in your observation that we have lost contact with the guardrails and rules which in the past kept the game somewhat moving in a positive direction.
Deregulation , the death of god , and a loss of respect for discipline and integrity has given rise to way to much Moloch energy in the world today.
Thanks for getting your faith back too Sarah.
It feels that these are the days that will define us , and we have some listening to do to the elders who are still with us. Along with listening to our own hearts.
In order to set the wishes for the future and the parameters, boundaries and guides which will lead us there as we play together nicely.
Moloch is kind of what we do, as we/because we get too complex for ourselves. I agreee - then playfulness invite is a ripper. What else is there as an antidote to the rigidity? It speaks to the podcast/dopamine bros...they are essentially digging down deeper into rigidity as the world wobbles, thinking they can control themselves (and more) amid the fluidity of change and collapse. But nature will shatter anything that brittle and precarious.
But yes, it is these little signs and stumbles, that can help us see it , well before we get exposed in the New Yorker 😝 and break six women’s hearts.
And yes the bros are fighting to keep their heads above water.
It’s a shame though as a lot of them got guys into stoicism, discipline, and self reflection, while normalising therapy. Which are good guardrails and practices. But it’s been going down, absorbed and utilised like the pick up games and gurus of the 2000s.
It has been interesting to see Tim Ferris’s journey , he is becoming aware of his control issues , and slowly his world view and discussions are changing. Which is encouraging.
Antidotes to rigidity 🤔
Tears, laughter, good sex 😁, good conversation
Recognising that rigidity in the body is rigidity in the heart and mind
The discussion round the bowl of chips the other night is a great example of anti moloch
We were all there vying to be seen and heard , and curious to meet you and each other, each was given time and space to speak and things flowed really nicely
Curiosity , rather than right and wrong.
Questions , why do you feel that? How does it make you feel.
Self reflection , why does that make me angry, and defensive, why am I rigid. What is it about what someone just said that upsets me. What part of me is present in that which I dislike?
Ahhh and participation
Am I standing on the sidelines? Have I stomped off and taken the ball home?
Or am I participating in good faith?
And recognising when we need a rest from the game a little as we have just gotten a little over enthusiastic or been playing rough with the wrong people.
As I finish up I just pictured that cheeky image of Einstein poking his tongue out.
Let’s not forget that life is a game to be enjoyed , and that it only wants the best for us
As Viv mentioned , the game needs us too , it wants to be played.
When we slip up and fall , to understand that it is not necessarily our moral failings or the metaphorical or literal end of the world 😝
That it is natural to slip out of congruence
That it is the contrast between things which like you said is the grain of sand which irritates to create the pearl
And with a soft hand we can go okay , I would like something else and to put ourselves back into the flow we would enjoy more
Without contrast we cannot see
Meditation is not concentration and focus and rigidity , it is noticing when we leave congruence with nature, and then just to smile and come back home , or better still, laugh 🤭
Reading this was like opening a box of chocolates and wondering which one to ear first! I skimmed it all and lingered over all the bits and found your succinct 'what's on my travel bag ' account perfect! Like a praline whirl 👌🏻
“Algorithmic rise to gurudom” 👏👏 love your turn of phrase. And so thought provoking about the people society glibly grants ‘expert’ status to , who in all reality have no better answers than anyone else and have no right to advise other people on how to live their lives. There is a crucial difference between being entertaining and being genuinely helpfully enlightening
Just googled it - looks fabulous, thank you! Have you listened to ‘If books could kill’ ? Simply wonderful show taking down moronically simplistic self help books. Their episodes on Atomic Habits and The 4 hour work week are wonderful . They bend over backwards to find any positives before thoughtfully and hilariously putting the boot in
I'll try to listen to the episode on AH. I was surprised I didn't hate Atomic Habits, given it was written by an American. (I confess, I have a good dose of disdain for American self-help, I guess they invented it and there are many aspects that irk me, that corporate/business talk to name the name the main one). I liked its simplicity and it was easy to apply and there's no spiritualish (made up word) jargon. The author never claims to have invented the wheel, just to have distilled the knowledge. The 4 hrs work week, it's not for me, I watched Ferris over the years, again, you can't escape him in the guru, productivity bubble world.
I must admit that The 4-Hour Work Week had quite a life-changing impact on me and was one of the catalysts for completely re-evaluating my relationship with work and the 9-5 grind. I never read the whole thing (it started to go well and truly south once he began speaking about setting up a supplement business and exploiting cheap overseas labour for his own financial gain), but the first couple of chapters and the overall premise were enough to wake me up and question the way I was living at a time I really needed that kind of shake-up.
I've also found Tim Ferriss's advice on things like morning routines really helpful in the past, but haven't listened to his podcast for years. I'm not into the whole self-optimisation / extreme navel-gazing thing at all and feel like he's (somewhat ironically) kind of stuck in that mould he created for himself and doesn't appear to have really grown or changed much at all over the years.
I'm interested in listening to that podcast episode and am sure it will make me cringe!
Also Derek Beres of Conspirituality podcast (quoted in the NY Mag article on AH re supplements) wrote a piece here on substack sharing his thoughts on why AH's behaviour matters - that pseudoscience and pseudotherapy espoused by the podcast bros are parallel harms. I can't seem to link article in here but it's worth a read if you search.
I did a while ago, I can't remember if I heard of them in one of your podcasts. TBH, I rarely listen to podcasts these days, between my love of music and listening to audiobooks, there aren't enough hrs in the day. I usually catch up on a few episodes of your podcast and occasionally, if I want something funny and by women, The Guilty Feminist.
One month until I embark on my 6 month trip, let’s see how I go in the packing department, I’m tipping I won’t be as efficient as this but I’ll be trying my best to “travel light” ☺️✈️
How exciting! Where are you heading off too? One of my best travel / packing tips is to use packing cubes. I use the Sea to Summit ones (which I colour-co-ordinate for each member of our family, so I know immediately where each of our belongings are) - and can highly recommend them.
Thank you, I have some, only one colour thou, just for me 😉
Starting in Peru, Colombia & Mexico, then I’ll head to London & potentially Europe if things aren’t too hectic with the Olympics, then India, Sri Lanka, Bali & home 🙏 lots of new countries to explore
I'm at the same stage! I just find the endless "beginnings" so tiresome...all the small talk that we have to wade through to get to more meaningful conversations (and in some cases never getting there) to then go on a date and not feel a "spark", to then having to go back to the beginning again with someone new. I feel it's not a natural way to meet a partner but it's the only option for many of us!
Gosh, what a great expose. The guru who is not quite right and the women followers who fall at his feet only to be manipulated and used to pleasure his ego. I’ve been a fan of his podcasts for a while and recently attended his sold out Talk in Melbourne. About 6000 of us apparently. I was impressed by his presence on stage. You could hear a pin drop. He was funny and told us of his nerdy obsession with cuttlefish as a young boy. Very sweet. I’m a fan of his beautiful voice, his masculine warrior man gruff appearance and his willingness to be open minded to the Non sciency topics his guests bring to his podcast. I did often wonder if he had a girlfriend and frankly I’m not surprised that he is a tad fucked up in the relationship/intimacy part of his life. His mind seems made and trained and wired for the logic of science. Certainly not naturally wired to fully appreciate the complexity of what a women brings into a relationship. The nurturing and love we thrust upon the men we let into our lives is extraordinary. I do hope the article has some impact on him learning a new neurological pathway, in his brain and in his behaviour, allowing him to connect more authentically and honestly in partnership and in relationships in general. The article just made me feel desperately sad for him.
That's a compassionate, broad take, thank you Michelle. I feel a little the same about the guy. I feel he personally might take it on in a meaningful way. I suspect he has ridden the fame/attention quite naively. And is having is reckoning.
That said, I also feel this type of "influencer" does need to be hauled into line. They need to get the memo.
Just listened to the interview with Liv Booree. Great discussion. The notion of win win is of course not new and I think a lot of community development work at least aims to do this. But how do we embed it in our hearts, our actions, our systems and institutions. I think this is what the UN global development goals aim to do. We lift everyone and we all benefit - hopefully materially but certainly relationally/spiritually/ethically.
Sarah, I love the light packing/light living details). I have made a note of everything so I can come back to this when I need it for myself (hopefully by Jan next year - still getting my ducks in a row. sigh). I just want to check you know about OneDrive where you can store documents etc through outlook and access anywhere (I understand you might not want to - I think its cloud based but I'm worried what happens if you misplace your hard drive?!) I was also wondering what you think about these ideas:
- a pair of thongs? I wear mine everywhere - so Australian I know. Sigh. Again
- I have invested in some Frankie4 nude flats and white sneakers with kind of longer-term packing/living in mind so I think these will work
- I always have a wrap/pashmina/shawl - pull over me when I sleep on a plane, cover shoulders if chilly outside, cover hair/shoulders/knees when visiting mosques and temples etc. This is one thing I cna't live without.
Amy, good sifting questions. I don't do a kindle cos I have a phone and laptop and a third "in-between" screen seems weird. Re cold weather gear - when I wound up in Sierra Nevada in Summer and I found out there was snow on the peaks, I went to the second store and bought a beanie, gloves and men's ski pants...when I got back, I just took them back to the same store so they could sell again.
yes, I am heading out in two days for my first long trip to freezing weather....makes it so much trickier. I love the longer-term packing in mind approach.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet with Huberman. I read that article this morning and also pondered the reason for it being written/published. Perhaps it’s as you suggest: exposing another “guru”. I felt a bit sleazy after I read it though. Will give that reaction more thought….
The other thing that came up for me - is this idea of the "Secret Life of Women's WhatsApp Groups"...women meet in these spaces to call out bad behaviour and help each other feel less alone when we've fallen victim to shithouse male behaviour. But maybe it's more helpful that it be drawn in the public sphere, so men are aware of what goes on...that we are calling out the BS.
Yep. Also, to uphold patriarchy it’s imperative to maintain a strict demarcation between men’s private and professional lives. Men shouldn’t have to suffer professionally or financially just because they behaved appallingly to their romantic partners.
You see AH’s bros fighting for their lives on this point - “of course he was an arsehole to women, but why should that affect his trustworthiness when it comes to *science*?” Aka “but he’d never lie to *us*” aka “lying to women isn’t that bad, everyone does it”.
AH’s business straddles the professional and the personal. He broadcasts info on a myriad of ways to improve one’s life, he shares his personal experiences, and to some extent holds up his own life as a model for others. So already he’s broken down the traditional demarcation.
Then, by publicly recounting the experiences of his romantic partners, the NYM piece shatters the notion that AH is living some perfectly disciplined, balanced, aspirational life. Instead of getting away with bad behaviour in private, AH’s personal reputation is taking a direct hit that is going to translate to financial loss. This breaks the patriarchal model.
Assuming the facts all check out (and I’ve seen no reason to doubt that - this is the same journo who broke Larry Nasser) I do think there’s a good public interest case for this reporting. Podcast gurus like AH need *far far far* more public accountability, and patriarchy suffers a blow when successful, wealthy, influential men are no longer assured of impunity for their private misbehaviour.
It is always a pleasure to feel this warm and curious attitude of yours, thank you! 😊 As I live close to Paris, here is a message in a bottle: I'd be really happy to have an opportunity to chat with you, and this could be around a swimming session. I am a former Olympic swimmer who dove deep in the Feldenkrais Method, which makes these sessions... interesting 😇 IG @vladimirlatocha In any case, enjoy your stay! 😊
I can imagine you are busy ; if there is place you like, you are welcome to suggest 😊 I hope our paths will cross 😊 (as for me, I will be in Toulouse, Rome, Hyères, Paris, Poland and London in the next few months 😊) Fingers crossed, I'd be really happy to do a pleasurable swimming session.
I was thinking of making it easier for you and go to Paris, but coming to visit Nancy (where I live for the moment) would also be great if you don't know the city. Here is a pool, which is filled with thermal water 😇 I am in Nancy until Apr 13th, then move a lot for a month 😅 https://www.nancythermal.fr/nancy-thermal-resort/lespace-aquasport
What I worry about with the Huberman’s “expose” is how this behaviour will not only be normalised but idealised by his 20something male fanatic audience.
Yes, it could swing them into conspiracy, anti-feminist/anti-woman silos...again.
His response and the consequences will be telling. Hopefully it will not be normalised.
But seen as a great example of the risks involved when you look for the answers in another man, woman or deity.
And a great example of how broken men have become, and the lengths that we go to try and soothe those wounds.
The author did a good job of describing the impact on the victims of the behaviour. It would be good to have had a discussion as to why he acts this way. But then again, it is pretty obvious, as obvious as the size of the hole created by his upbringing.
although, the parents' take (and the friends' take) suggests that his story was somewhat confected. Agree, though, a lot of misdirected pain. I see a controlling, calorie/dopamine-measuring bro and I see wounded boy who has not had the opportunity to do some work...and by work, we really mean, have a wake-up call.
Let's face it, we're all wounded, broken, have baggage. But if a 40 something highly educated man, who knows lots about the brain, spends most of the time listening to lots of experts in all sorts of fields hasn't fixed himself to be a decent human, then what can we expect from the average person? Unless, these powerful, control freaks men think the rules don't apply to them, he's god, everybody wants him etc etc (I'm rolling my eyes as I type this).
Don’t give up on everyone yet 😅
Education is only helpful if you are willing to use it in combination with being able to actually feel what’s going on
Awareness along with felt experience does the trick
Getting lost in a bottle, a woman’s body, or a book is all the same rabbit hole
It’s the brave of heart who will find salvation and be able to climb back out
But yes, it always comes as a shock who falls and how far they fall. And brings a little despair.
It is interesting in hindsight though seeing what the signs are of deep suffering.
I'm a life-long learner. When it comes to self-help kind of knowledge, I feel I know it all, it's putting it in practice or sticking with the good habits etc. is what is a problem for me, which is why I return to inspirational, self-help kind of content to spur me on.
While I get what you're trying to say, I wouldn't equate "losing yourself in a person" to losing oneself in a book, in the first case one can get or transmit a STI, an unwanted pregnancy can occur, not to mention people have feelings, unlike books or the bottle.
And yes , the level of damage that he has created is immense, and the risk he put these women at is terrible, in no way am I condoning his behaviour ✌🏼
True ☺️
I meant to say losing yourself in knowledge or the quest for control is a tricky one
It feels positive and is a positive action but when driven by anxiety and addiction it’s troublesome
I lost count of the number of books I devoured to try and figure out how the universe works 😝
I wonder if his true fans even read the article. His response to this whole thing is crucial in how everything plays out.
No human belongs on a pedestal, it is detrimental to both that human and their followers. But many are desperate for leadership and guidance just as desperate as they are for power.
That last phrase, lyrically expressed: “it is pretty obvious, as obvious as the size of the hole created by his upbringing”.
Not easy to not get caught up in soothing the wounds in questionable ways these days.
And yes, we help to create the monsters by putting our power into the pockets and egos of those who quite obviously have an excessive need for it
And I should have said , as also evidenced by the hole of destruction left by the behaviour
It continues to astound me how we as humans continue to choose chaos and destruction over just feeling damn good.
How could he have managed this level of deception? The toll on his soul, mind and body would be huge.
It is telling though, reminds me of the Bondi dudes your dad mentioned Sarah. Anyone who obsesses over anything is clearly demonstrating a soothing behaviour. And lack of real direction.
He needs to apologise , with no excuses, and start a discussion around the fine line between discipline for joy, healing and growth and obsession for control of oneself and others.
This soothing is next level though.
And not the type of self soothing you would expect of an educated man.
Left me feeling quite sad , both in reflection of my own behaviour, but mainly at where this shit leaves men and women.
Fingers crossed something good comes of it
I pray that he comes back and owns his shit and opens up a good discussion
I wrote a short essay on it in reply but thank god I accidentally deleted it 😝
He may do a Jay Shetty and just ignore the piece altogether 🤷🏻♀️
It’s fascinating to me how so called take down / cancel pieces on high profile folks are dealt with so differently pending on if the subject is male or female 🤔
Oh, I enjoyed the Jay Shetty takedown :-) I hear "life coaching" I just laugh.
I haven't seen any female gurus take downs, could be because the majority of the "guru" domain is inhabited by men.
I interviewed Matt Browne from Decoding the Gurus on Wild a while back and they have only had 1 woman who "makes the gurumeter" - Brene Brown. Even then, they said, she doesn't quite tick off all the criteria. I say a bit about why on the ep.
Checking this one out!
So far it looks like a Jay Shetty it is! I think inviting Esther Perel on his podcast would be an interesting step.
I thought the same thing
☺️
Imagine a three part series with her and just him
She would be perfect for the role , would not let him off the hook and this would really really be a great learning for everyone involved
And then get her to have the victims on her podcast
It can potentially be great! I suggested her as a guest on one of his YouTube videos.
Nothing to with their gender
I"m not sure what you mean here, Matt?
Referring to Bianca suggesting the males are fake gurus. Plenty of women in the same space that are BS. Over the last 4 years, I’ve become very cynical of all self helps. The majority have never actually achieved anything other than communicate and motivate.
Yep, certainly a lot of BS in the wellness space, the men tend to take it to guru extremes at a far greater rate and reach. As I mention in another comment, I talk about this with the Decoding the Gurus host Matt Browne on a Wild ep
Don’t disagree w that Sarah. I think YouTube and podcasting has pushed more fakes up out of the ground. You only have to get a few good slots on some podcasts and you can live off cut up footage/segments for sometime
My concern is your placing a blanket over young men who may consume his content. In my 42 years, I’ve never spoken to anyone who would normalise such behaviour
Unfortunately, I am saying this after seeing a very long thread on X which was showing exactly that. The narrative was “so the protocols work”. Definitely I am not trying to put a blanket over all fans, I am one of them.
I don’t miss the censorship of twitter pre musk.
Keep in mind up to 80 percent of accounts on Twitter are fake. This is add flames to every fire currently.
Are you sure that's correct? I know it's a lot, but that much? In any case, even if they are Bots, the same point remains....the dominant discourse (on socials and beyond) is supports the point Ana-Maria is making, no?
Yep it is.
So much of socials is make believe and we are arguing with bots
https://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/technology/former-cia-and-fbi-security-specialist-says-more-than-80-per-cent-of-twitter-accounts-are-bots/news-story/6996bf16dd9008d096d95fb665d05104?amp
https://medium.com/koinonia/19-of-20-christian-facebook-pages-are-fake-e59e98e75cfb
I don't read the unAustralian. Just last week I deactivated my X account, after not using it for 6 months plus. I miss Twitter before Musk.
Hey Sarah,
It’s exciting to hear that you’re back in Paris and I hope you had a good night’s sleep after your arrival!
I think it was me who sent you the Pankaj Mishra article, and I’m so glad that you’ve shared it here, as it’s such a worthwhile read. Two other pieces that explore similar ideas are Masha Gessen’s controversial essay, ‘In the Shadow of the Holocaust’, and the two chapters on Israel-Palestine in Naomi Klein’s Doppelgänger book, which Naomi’s provided a free link to on her website:
https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-weekend-essay/in-the-shadow-of-the-holocaust
https://naomiklein.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Israel-Palestine-and-the-Doppelganger-Effect.pdf
I look forward to diving into the other long read you’ve shared…
On the subject of travelling (and living) lightly, I agree so much with everything you’ve said about the benefits of living this way. Our family of five can currently fit all our worldly possessions in the boot and roof of our 4WD, and even this much ‘stuff’ is starting to feel like too much. We’re working towards living and travelling with just one backpack each, and I can’t wait to reduce our belongings down even further. It’s an incredibly liberating way to live, and I’ve personally found that the less I have, the less I want. Our kids are also becoming less and less materialistic, though we are lugging around about 20kg of Lego!
Does anyone here follow Robin Greenfield? I love the life experiments he conducts to encourage others to live more minimally and sustainably. He wrote a post on Facebook the other day about his complete wardrobe of 19 items that are all hand-made, made from natural fibres (wool, linen, cotton and deer skin) and naturally dyed. It’s also food for thought / inspiration (and makes me want to learn how to sew):
https://www.facebook.com/robingreenfieldpage
https://www.robingreenfield.org/clothes/
x
Ah, of course it was you!!! I'm so glad I read it and I'm now going to do those two NK chapters.
I have to confess , I brought TOO much back to Paris with me. And I'm cringing that I now have 3 coats and 4 jumpers and back up thermals...but I had them back home, so figured they might as well come here and I'll "wear them out". You're right, less begets less.
“We’re working towards living and travelling with just one backpack each” - respect!!
“It’s an incredibly liberating way to live, and I’ve personally found that the less I have, the less I want.” This is the way!
As the parent of very adult kids, you'll be glad for the Lego, worth lugging around....when my kids and I were home educating together for 4 years (we were living on a property) the Education Dept person who visited us each year just sat and played Lego with my kids and chatted to them. "Yep, they are doing well" She would ask them to explain their method, and I could not believe what I would hear!....Lego is the one and only thing my son has wanted to keep from his childhood.
Sarah you are one of the reasons I stopped buying clothes. I was already travelling light but not living light. Still trying to distribute the too many clothes/possessions that I have. Love your approach to laundry too!
Almost Huberman'd! Phew, Sarah :)
A necessary hit piece? I think so. Even more so since his self-awareness and internal work is his calling card, and is largely what has made him a 'guru'. Playing house, lying about monogamy (and having unprotected sex), and planning families with multiple women is ABUSE. And it needs to be named as such. And tech (dating apps and social media) can be the fuel for this type of behaviour, unfortunatley. It will be really interesting to see how he responds to this. A series of podcasts to explore and further normalize his "love addiction"? Or maybe he comes clean on the misogyny and abuse, owns up to it, and really does the work, and is a positive influence to his over 6M Insta (mostly male I think) followers.
Good points. I'm very interested to see how the bro-caster community respond, and women and men who love the guy. Sadly, I feel it will polarise people. A figure they felt they could trust being attacked? It's too much cognitively and, these days, seems to result in denial/avoidance etc to escape the painful dissonance. Let's watch this space!
Agreed on the polarization. It will be interesting and he will set the tone I think in his response. Definitely a big hit with women, too, I'm realizing. Overtly masculine while also presenting with high EQ and IQ and a real caring/compassionate side. I know I once googled him to see if he had a girlfriend/boyfriend lol.
Haha. Thanks, Chris. Human nature, right? And he is too good to be true ;) I hate what we value these days. It's just so superficial. And social media (and dating apps) have compounded it by a 1000.
That is one of the biggest problems with this , the dissonance and despair created when someone we trust falls.
Upon waking this morning I pondered what would be the anti moloch approach to handling this situation.
I will see if I can write a short essay and post it 🤔🫣😅
Feels like we are managing it here on this forum , not too much defence or attack. Just calling it out and scratching our heads and figuring it outs.
Plus the learning from this is huge , as it would be for the women involved. There would have been a million red flags fluttering on his black cotton shoulders. And a lot of enabling or behaviour which allowed him the room to be so abusive.
And I say this in full humility and in respect for his victims. I have experienced similar behaviour towards me , but not as prolonged or calculated. I know what it does to the mind and the heart.
But I have to believe that there is a way to forgive ourselves and them and trust again.
In hindsight it was obvious to me, but blind at the time.
Sounds like you have had some corkers along the way Sarah. What are your tips?
My take aways are questions
What are your and their motivations?
Attention, distraction and caretaking?
Companionship, mutual understanding and growth, support of and synergy in life path, love?
And then actions speak louder than words, do actions move towards these things. Is there movement through their fear towards the goals.
In Andrew’s case, it sounds like his intellect was used in an extreme case of manipulation though.
It’s not easy
Take care everyone ✌🏼
Thank you for another great newsletter. I remember your green shorts. (RIP) We have to normalise repeat outfits. I have a long way to go on cutting down, while I don't shop new often, I've been op-shopping a bit too much lately.
Synchronicity or whatever is called, just in the past few weeks I was discussing Huberman and the Joe Rogans of the world with a male colleague, who was praising the first 2. I immediately dismissed Rogan. I tried Huberman's podcast a few times some years back, maybe during Covid? like most people, I was curious. But I don't know, I'm getting tired of the therapy talk, the big fancy words, the know-it-all-dudes. Also, it's mostly dudes interviewing dudes and they all go around the same circle. At some point, I overdosed on self-help, improve yourself, get healthier information. The crunch for me is when they start peddling supplements and multi-vitamins, which, especially in the US are not regulated, you can make whatever claims you want, and put the "proprietary" label which allows you to not state ingredients and quantities. I know I'm not telling you anything new Sarah.
I read the hitjob on Huberman. Admittedly, recently I've been taking a bit too much joy from seeing that certain "gurus" are being found out not to be so mighty and great (sorry/not sorry). I may enjoy a bit schadenfreude, confirmation bias etc., but I can also recognise that there's not much of value for the public interest in that piece. I've also seen comments like, "wow, he's messing with 3 women in the same day his "method" is working great." I don't know why I still expect men of a certain age to be different. If they were out about just being interested in hook-ups, fine, but when you play house with women who dream of families with you, while you're playing others on the side, that makes my blood boil. You were on point about that kind of man. You sure dodged a bullet there.
I hope you get over the jetlag quickly. Paris must be lovely in spring.
I think there is a feeling some of us have that the guru bubble NEEDS to be burst. It's got too powerful, too elite, too cringe. I guess calling out individual hypocrisies etc is one way to put pins in the bubble. There's also the Russell Brand case...the guru phenomenon does tend to be tied up with misogyny.
Yes, I was a fan of Brand at some point (FB kindly reminds me of my sharing some of his videos years ago) when he was anti the rich, calling out certain inequalities etc. Then slowly he became a conspiracy nutjob, there's no other way to put it. My list of public men I admire has been dwindling down greatly in the past year. I've stopped following Ricky Gervais (his last Netflix stand-up was just awful!), I'm getting fed up with Bill Maher as well.
I'm with you.
Truly, it's like they start off with sound points, but the fame and attention sees them grasping for more fame and attention and so many wound up being the very people they once critiqued. It's almost like they need to do two year sprints, then disappear into the wilderness. Come back again, two years. Like Jon Stewart (who I'm currently liking but am just waiting for him to do a turdy turn)
JS has been ripping into trump we valuation of property. It’s now come out he’s done the same. Sorry to say most are just fake
I still like Jon Stewart and haven't stopped watching the Daily Show, they're a talented bunch. Based on what I've been watching even before his return, he's not likely to change his views.
I think it’s best we stop looking to celebrities for such things. The whole industry is a hoax
I used to follow Charles Eisenstein, but he went down the rabbit hole during Covid and I don't really follow him anymore.
I think Alan Watts was a serial philanderer (married three times and fathered several children to at least two or three different women), a chain smoker and an alcoholic, so not exactly a beacon of morality and togetherness either...
I've never heard a bad word said about Thich Nhat Hanh and really hope he was as wonderful as I'd like to believe he was. I think I'd completely despair if any dirt ever came out about him!
I'm with you re Charles... and Zach.
I haven't heard of either Zac or Charles, will look them up. I'm looking and working at following/supporting more women, when it comes to things I watch (if there are no female leads in a movie, I tend to skip), I prioritise watching female stand up shows etc., I'm more generous with my follow/likes when it comes to female made content. I read a lot, I've been reading more and more female, non-binary authors (at least 70% in the past 2, 3 years). I've still got a long way to go when it comes to music, which is something I spend a lot of time and money on, but I'm making progress. The male voices are predominant, the algorithm is hard to beat, but I'm making a conscious effort, in my own way, with my limited financial resources, I'm trying to amplify women's voices. It doesn't mean that I don't have to fight some of my internalised misogyny and unconscious biases - I'm a work in progress.
I work in a library, too, I know what you're saying. I see/help both ends of the spectrum, affluent boomers and a quite a few struggling ones, especially women.
I keep forgetting boomers are now the very old people. A decade or two ago, old people were not, broadly, the wealthy class.
You make a great, broader point - gleaning wisdom and advice for people who've actually LIVED is sound.
I miss being a laser lady at the local Cole’s , for this exact reason. And now I miss my nan 😅✌🏼
I love this reminder Chris, thanks
I love this take! It‘s why I am starting a salon style series of events where I live, a very popular destination for retirement. I want to hear those stories, I want them to have a space where to impart their wisdom.
I wrote a post about Brand a month or two ago...
I read somewhere that as soon as Brand got wind of the sexual assault allegations against him before the public knew, he started to lean right, and then kept on going. He was welcomed there...
That's so interesting. A similar thing happened to Naomi Wolf after her book 'Outrages' was found to contain fundamental errors - she was 'cancelled' by the left and then embraced by the right. I'd love to know how many of the conspiracy theories they now spread, they actually believe, or if it's just a completely cynical exercise to stay relevant and rake in a lot more money.
Agreed. I feel like maybe it's more the latter? And the moral wrestling they must have to do.
I could bear some of his Kundalini, meditation stuff, but calling on Christianity/religion, grr, big thumbs down from me, although, nothing he can do now, say now, can remove him from my shit-list on account of all the misogyny, previous behaviour claims.
Yes, those revelations have made him fairly irredeemable in my eyes, but also the fact that he seems to just be chasing money and fame from peddling right-wing conspiracy theories these days...
He's an addict and is now addicted to the dopamine hit of large numbers and outrage feedback...my take.
That makes sense, for sure!
Yes the overflow of podcast dudes interviewing each other is getting ridiculous (and boring). Quit with the circle jerk already!
Thanks Sarah,
That discussion with Liv was just what I needed.
Especially after reading the story about Andrew.
It got me down and into a little bit of a funk , reading about the pain that we cause to ourselves and to others.
Interestingly enough astrologically, right now we are reaping what we have sown, regarding relationships of all types.
And it’s pointing out how or where our behaviour needs to change so that we can play the game of love and life as it should and wants to be played.
Besides the woo woo stuff, yes, this will be a massive wake up call for him and many others.
Loved Livs positivity and points regarding the nature of life. This gave me a little insight , if I am not curious and having fun , as if this is a game. Then I am most likely in a state Moloch.
Reminds me of a good argument with a friend, or a game of tennis , or boxing, or even a really damn good argument with a lover.
You want to be hit with something good and true , so that you can up your game also. The sting of defeat or an uncomfortable truth can be such a positive thing. When you are playing with others who want to play fair.
I love to be reminded of this.
Especially when life is dropping lemons on me, or is literally or metaphorically kicking my ass. Laugh at the storm, don’t try and trick it, fix it or optimise dopamine in order to beat it. The game is playing with you and is waiting for your best shot ☺️
That line “love is that which enables choice” 🙏🏼
Heard a lot of truth in your observation that we have lost contact with the guardrails and rules which in the past kept the game somewhat moving in a positive direction.
Deregulation , the death of god , and a loss of respect for discipline and integrity has given rise to way to much Moloch energy in the world today.
Thanks for getting your faith back too Sarah.
It feels that these are the days that will define us , and we have some listening to do to the elders who are still with us. Along with listening to our own hearts.
In order to set the wishes for the future and the parameters, boundaries and guides which will lead us there as we play together nicely.
Thanks Steve C!
Moloch is kind of what we do, as we/because we get too complex for ourselves. I agreee - then playfulness invite is a ripper. What else is there as an antidote to the rigidity? It speaks to the podcast/dopamine bros...they are essentially digging down deeper into rigidity as the world wobbles, thinking they can control themselves (and more) amid the fluidity of change and collapse. But nature will shatter anything that brittle and precarious.
It is 🫣😔
But yes, it is these little signs and stumbles, that can help us see it , well before we get exposed in the New Yorker 😝 and break six women’s hearts.
And yes the bros are fighting to keep their heads above water.
It’s a shame though as a lot of them got guys into stoicism, discipline, and self reflection, while normalising therapy. Which are good guardrails and practices. But it’s been going down, absorbed and utilised like the pick up games and gurus of the 2000s.
It has been interesting to see Tim Ferris’s journey , he is becoming aware of his control issues , and slowly his world view and discussions are changing. Which is encouraging.
Antidotes to rigidity 🤔
Tears, laughter, good sex 😁, good conversation
Recognising that rigidity in the body is rigidity in the heart and mind
The discussion round the bowl of chips the other night is a great example of anti moloch
We were all there vying to be seen and heard , and curious to meet you and each other, each was given time and space to speak and things flowed really nicely
Curiosity , rather than right and wrong.
Questions , why do you feel that? How does it make you feel.
Self reflection , why does that make me angry, and defensive, why am I rigid. What is it about what someone just said that upsets me. What part of me is present in that which I dislike?
Ahhh and participation
Am I standing on the sidelines? Have I stomped off and taken the ball home?
Or am I participating in good faith?
And recognising when we need a rest from the game a little as we have just gotten a little over enthusiastic or been playing rough with the wrong people.
As I finish up I just pictured that cheeky image of Einstein poking his tongue out.
Let’s not forget that life is a game to be enjoyed , and that it only wants the best for us
As Viv mentioned , the game needs us too , it wants to be played.
Sleep well everyone
Enjoy the spring air over there Sarah ✌🏼
One more antidote 😅
Self accountability and good honest apologies
To hear in someone’s voice
Fuck! I am so sorry , that is what I did
And it is not what I want for me , for you , or for us
And then to accept the consequences
let the moloch and the anger settle
back into congruence and love
Forgiveness is also an antidote to moloch
When we slip up and fall , to understand that it is not necessarily our moral failings or the metaphorical or literal end of the world 😝
That it is natural to slip out of congruence
That it is the contrast between things which like you said is the grain of sand which irritates to create the pearl
And with a soft hand we can go okay , I would like something else and to put ourselves back into the flow we would enjoy more
Without contrast we cannot see
Meditation is not concentration and focus and rigidity , it is noticing when we leave congruence with nature, and then just to smile and come back home , or better still, laugh 🤭
Reading this was like opening a box of chocolates and wondering which one to ear first! I skimmed it all and lingered over all the bits and found your succinct 'what's on my travel bag ' account perfect! Like a praline whirl 👌🏻
hahaha! work that metaphor!
Sar, I'm pleased you've arrived safely. And may the first days be full of gentleness as your body attunes. 🙏
I love how 108 regularly pops up in your life.
Grace and peace ...xx
“Algorithmic rise to gurudom” 👏👏 love your turn of phrase. And so thought provoking about the people society glibly grants ‘expert’ status to , who in all reality have no better answers than anyone else and have no right to advise other people on how to live their lives. There is a crucial difference between being entertaining and being genuinely helpfully enlightening
Do you listen to Decoding the Gurus podcast? It's brilliant and they've been calling out AH for years.
Just googled it - looks fabulous, thank you! Have you listened to ‘If books could kill’ ? Simply wonderful show taking down moronically simplistic self help books. Their episodes on Atomic Habits and The 4 hour work week are wonderful . They bend over backwards to find any positives before thoughtfully and hilariously putting the boot in
Sounds great. I'll look it up
I love "If books Could Kill". I have cringed listening to them pull apart some books I used to love, but so grateful they did.
I'll try to listen to the episode on AH. I was surprised I didn't hate Atomic Habits, given it was written by an American. (I confess, I have a good dose of disdain for American self-help, I guess they invented it and there are many aspects that irk me, that corporate/business talk to name the name the main one). I liked its simplicity and it was easy to apply and there's no spiritualish (made up word) jargon. The author never claims to have invented the wheel, just to have distilled the knowledge. The 4 hrs work week, it's not for me, I watched Ferris over the years, again, you can't escape him in the guru, productivity bubble world.
I must admit that The 4-Hour Work Week had quite a life-changing impact on me and was one of the catalysts for completely re-evaluating my relationship with work and the 9-5 grind. I never read the whole thing (it started to go well and truly south once he began speaking about setting up a supplement business and exploiting cheap overseas labour for his own financial gain), but the first couple of chapters and the overall premise were enough to wake me up and question the way I was living at a time I really needed that kind of shake-up.
I've also found Tim Ferriss's advice on things like morning routines really helpful in the past, but haven't listened to his podcast for years. I'm not into the whole self-optimisation / extreme navel-gazing thing at all and feel like he's (somewhat ironically) kind of stuck in that mould he created for himself and doesn't appear to have really grown or changed much at all over the years.
I'm interested in listening to that podcast episode and am sure it will make me cringe!
Also Derek Beres of Conspirituality podcast (quoted in the NY Mag article on AH re supplements) wrote a piece here on substack sharing his thoughts on why AH's behaviour matters - that pseudoscience and pseudotherapy espoused by the podcast bros are parallel harms. I can't seem to link article in here but it's worth a read if you search.
will look it up!
I did a while ago, I can't remember if I heard of them in one of your podcasts. TBH, I rarely listen to podcasts these days, between my love of music and listening to audiobooks, there aren't enough hrs in the day. I usually catch up on a few episodes of your podcast and occasionally, if I want something funny and by women, The Guilty Feminist.
One month until I embark on my 6 month trip, let’s see how I go in the packing department, I’m tipping I won’t be as efficient as this but I’ll be trying my best to “travel light” ☺️✈️
Aim in this direction. And practice "less" now
How exciting! Where are you heading off too? One of my best travel / packing tips is to use packing cubes. I use the Sea to Summit ones (which I colour-co-ordinate for each member of our family, so I know immediately where each of our belongings are) - and can highly recommend them.
you're a gift!
Thank you, I have some, only one colour thou, just for me 😉
Starting in Peru, Colombia & Mexico, then I’ll head to London & potentially Europe if things aren’t too hectic with the Olympics, then India, Sri Lanka, Bali & home 🙏 lots of new countries to explore
Truly!
6 months - wonderful! Have a ball
Wow Sarah, I really must try and get on dating apps 😉
Don't! x
Hi Sarah,
Joking about the online dating apps, it was tongue in cheek. I prefer dating the old-fashioned way 😉 Enjoy the Paris Spring, I'm jealous X
I'm at the same stage! I just find the endless "beginnings" so tiresome...all the small talk that we have to wade through to get to more meaningful conversations (and in some cases never getting there) to then go on a date and not feel a "spark", to then having to go back to the beginning again with someone new. I feel it's not a natural way to meet a partner but it's the only option for many of us!
I don't recommend it either...it's soul destroying on so many levels!!
Gosh, what a great expose. The guru who is not quite right and the women followers who fall at his feet only to be manipulated and used to pleasure his ego. I’ve been a fan of his podcasts for a while and recently attended his sold out Talk in Melbourne. About 6000 of us apparently. I was impressed by his presence on stage. You could hear a pin drop. He was funny and told us of his nerdy obsession with cuttlefish as a young boy. Very sweet. I’m a fan of his beautiful voice, his masculine warrior man gruff appearance and his willingness to be open minded to the Non sciency topics his guests bring to his podcast. I did often wonder if he had a girlfriend and frankly I’m not surprised that he is a tad fucked up in the relationship/intimacy part of his life. His mind seems made and trained and wired for the logic of science. Certainly not naturally wired to fully appreciate the complexity of what a women brings into a relationship. The nurturing and love we thrust upon the men we let into our lives is extraordinary. I do hope the article has some impact on him learning a new neurological pathway, in his brain and in his behaviour, allowing him to connect more authentically and honestly in partnership and in relationships in general. The article just made me feel desperately sad for him.
That's a compassionate, broad take, thank you Michelle. I feel a little the same about the guy. I feel he personally might take it on in a meaningful way. I suspect he has ridden the fame/attention quite naively. And is having is reckoning.
That said, I also feel this type of "influencer" does need to be hauled into line. They need to get the memo.
Absolutely agree too that he needs to get the memo. I hope he does. With huge impact. What a dick!
I love your take, too. And a good reminder to stay compassionate :)
Just listened to the interview with Liv Booree. Great discussion. The notion of win win is of course not new and I think a lot of community development work at least aims to do this. But how do we embed it in our hearts, our actions, our systems and institutions. I think this is what the UN global development goals aim to do. We lift everyone and we all benefit - hopefully materially but certainly relationally/spiritually/ethically.
Sarah, I love the light packing/light living details). I have made a note of everything so I can come back to this when I need it for myself (hopefully by Jan next year - still getting my ducks in a row. sigh). I just want to check you know about OneDrive where you can store documents etc through outlook and access anywhere (I understand you might not want to - I think its cloud based but I'm worried what happens if you misplace your hard drive?!) I was also wondering what you think about these ideas:
- a pair of thongs? I wear mine everywhere - so Australian I know. Sigh. Again
- I have invested in some Frankie4 nude flats and white sneakers with kind of longer-term packing/living in mind so I think these will work
- I always have a wrap/pashmina/shawl - pull over me when I sleep on a plane, cover shoulders if chilly outside, cover hair/shoulders/knees when visiting mosques and temples etc. This is one thing I cna't live without.
- I am obsessed with this Lululemon skirt (I don't know anything about this brand, ethics etc and have no affiliation) but it is high quality active wear but looks smart and I wear it every day at the moment. I think you would like it Sarah (I can send you one if you need!) - https://www.lululemon.com.au/en-au/p/nulu-slim-fit-high-rise-skirt/prod11400028.html?dwvar_prod11400028_color=30210
- what do you think about portable phone chargers? I can never find one that works properly...
- small lightweight absorbent towel?
- kindle?
- what do you do if you go somewhere really cold with snow?
Love to hear your thoughts. Hope you are enjoying being back in Paris :)
Amy x
Amy, good sifting questions. I don't do a kindle cos I have a phone and laptop and a third "in-between" screen seems weird. Re cold weather gear - when I wound up in Sierra Nevada in Summer and I found out there was snow on the peaks, I went to the second store and bought a beanie, gloves and men's ski pants...when I got back, I just took them back to the same store so they could sell again.
yes, I am heading out in two days for my first long trip to freezing weather....makes it so much trickier. I love the longer-term packing in mind approach.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet with Huberman. I read that article this morning and also pondered the reason for it being written/published. Perhaps it’s as you suggest: exposing another “guru”. I felt a bit sleazy after I read it though. Will give that reaction more thought….
I'm still trying to process it.
The other thing that came up for me - is this idea of the "Secret Life of Women's WhatsApp Groups"...women meet in these spaces to call out bad behaviour and help each other feel less alone when we've fallen victim to shithouse male behaviour. But maybe it's more helpful that it be drawn in the public sphere, so men are aware of what goes on...that we are calling out the BS.
Yep. Also, to uphold patriarchy it’s imperative to maintain a strict demarcation between men’s private and professional lives. Men shouldn’t have to suffer professionally or financially just because they behaved appallingly to their romantic partners.
You see AH’s bros fighting for their lives on this point - “of course he was an arsehole to women, but why should that affect his trustworthiness when it comes to *science*?” Aka “but he’d never lie to *us*” aka “lying to women isn’t that bad, everyone does it”.
AH’s business straddles the professional and the personal. He broadcasts info on a myriad of ways to improve one’s life, he shares his personal experiences, and to some extent holds up his own life as a model for others. So already he’s broken down the traditional demarcation.
Then, by publicly recounting the experiences of his romantic partners, the NYM piece shatters the notion that AH is living some perfectly disciplined, balanced, aspirational life. Instead of getting away with bad behaviour in private, AH’s personal reputation is taking a direct hit that is going to translate to financial loss. This breaks the patriarchal model.
Assuming the facts all check out (and I’ve seen no reason to doubt that - this is the same journo who broke Larry Nasser) I do think there’s a good public interest case for this reporting. Podcast gurus like AH need *far far far* more public accountability, and patriarchy suffers a blow when successful, wealthy, influential men are no longer assured of impunity for their private misbehaviour.
Well said Chris
We still have a choice on how we play with the cards that we have been dealt
It is always a pleasure to feel this warm and curious attitude of yours, thank you! 😊 As I live close to Paris, here is a message in a bottle: I'd be really happy to have an opportunity to chat with you, and this could be around a swimming session. I am a former Olympic swimmer who dove deep in the Feldenkrais Method, which makes these sessions... interesting 😇 IG @vladimirlatocha In any case, enjoy your stay! 😊
Thank you for the reach out! is there an outdoor saltwater pool near you?!
I can imagine you are busy ; if there is place you like, you are welcome to suggest 😊 I hope our paths will cross 😊 (as for me, I will be in Toulouse, Rome, Hyères, Paris, Poland and London in the next few months 😊) Fingers crossed, I'd be really happy to do a pleasurable swimming session.
I was thinking of making it easier for you and go to Paris, but coming to visit Nancy (where I live for the moment) would also be great if you don't know the city. Here is a pool, which is filled with thermal water 😇 I am in Nancy until Apr 13th, then move a lot for a month 😅 https://www.nancythermal.fr/nancy-thermal-resort/lespace-aquasport