You know, I was not expecting to enjoy reading this. I'm going to be blunt.
I signed up to 'this is precious' when I signed up to Substack, not really knowing the kind of content.
I get an email in my inbox just simply titled 'this is precious' and then something about suicide.
I think it's spam, to be honest, to be formatted so differently from my usual emails - it's lower caps, but not a personal email e.g. from a friend. An unusual vibe anyway.
Safe to say my first response was what the fuck does this person know. Sorry but it's true. I was so unbelievably defensive. I'm in the middle of watching a TV program, as well. But, something very tiny in me says to give it a shot. So I read, properly, and give it my full attention.
Well, I'll be damned, it touched me. It took me back to memories when I myself struggled with suicide ideation. Very strangely, today, I struggled with it for the first time in absolutely ages, prompted by some ruminations mixed with low self-esteem and too much isolation.
Some really difficult parts about the time I wanted to kill myself (the main time - the heaviest time) was that I was completely obsessed with the fact that 'we're all going to die'. Our collective mortality. It felt so imminent. But I was in a cushioned, safe place, a cushy, elite university (Cambridge). No one else seemed to feel this imminent doom.
In my later years I contextualised these feelings as coming from childhood experiences where I felt unsafe. But... this didn't account for my burgeoning ecological consciousness at the time. Also - I had this feeling that I was overheating constantly.
After reading this whole thing - and I'd like to listen to the podcast/ links - I feel more so that my feelings back then were probably an intense response to childhood trauma and also extreme sensitivity, almost a foreshadowing, of what was logically to come. I'm not sure. The latter sounds almost mystical but it FEELS true.
But most of all reading this made me feel less alone. And more like... ffs why didn't I feel comfortable sharing my experiences sooner!
So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Because, as well, this makes me wonder if I should give things a second chance more often. Take that damned armour off that comes from being a Londoner (maybe).
I have tried suicide many times growing up knowing that I needed help.At ten the doctor called me a precocious little prig after I took mums iron tabs and was very sick.Mum was often depressed needing ECT sometimes No discussion about mums sadness after her mum died when she was 16 then brother killed in war a few years later.
Talking about death is essential for understanding others pain At 16 the psychiatrist said I was normal but she wanted to see mum.That never happened but the psyche helped me see a point to my life and I am now an ex nurse and psychotherapist today I hope understanding suicide is not selfish but out of love for those who you are hurting often.
I tried a few times after traumatic events one being an abortion feeling so alone with that decision. .Liz
Dearest Liz, very touched to read this. And I'm so damn sorry about the journey you had to being here, sharing your self with us. And bless that psych...
SUCH an important topic to write and talk openly about. I absolutely agree we need to not avoid going there. I think the other piece of why people suicide has to do with being in enormous pain, not feeling able to bear it, and believing it will not end. I wish when someone is in one of those periods, we could show them the future, the meta-perspective, that everything ultimately comes and goes, the grief, the fear, the pain, the anguish. That even the longest, darkest depression ebbs and flows in its intensity. That this moment will pass and another will come.... Thanks for giving voice to this topic.
I think the best way to show those in a vulnerable position what you suggest is to live fully...to live out what you say and to be available when they need the reminder.
I have a friend in exactly this place Vicki. She’s said herself, if only someone could tell her how much longer she’ll be in this awful state, it might be just a fraction easier to survive it. It’s very difficult to witness and support - I think what I offer her is helpful, but it seems so inadequate in the face of such enormous distress.
Yes, incredibly hard to witness and support. Sometimes all we can do is keep sending that person love as they navigate their path and letting them know how important they are ❤️
I started wishing and trying to die when I was very young, and the fact that i am comfortable speaking openly about it is because almost 40 years later, my survival has depended on addressing my confrontation with my own mortality, and my own attempts to live. When I was 17, I came across Camus' book The Myth of Sisyphus, in which, on the very first page, he confronts the reader with his belief that the only true choice in life is whether or not to live it. I was incredibly depressed at that point of my life, all my childhood abuse had well come home to roost, and I had no tools to deal with what had happened to me. I thought I was physically invisible, I couldn't bear to be looked at or touched, my head was full of white noise, nowhere seemed safe. But something about this concept, of being allowed to make a choice and then from that choice to live or die with the repercussions, gave me some shot of courage to start confronting what it was inside me that was so afraid of living.
This is all a roundabout way of saying that yes, confronting death, your own death, and accepting it, and even accepting that you have within yourself the power to control the time of your death is very frightening, but for me, at least, it is what has kept me here this long, knowing that I could, and I can, but I won't. The other piece of literature that always has resonated with me is the first book of the Earthsea Trilogy, in which Ged is chased by a terrible shadow, whom he runs from into the land of the dead until he realises that he must call the shadow by its name, which is his own name, and in doing so he doesn't get power over the shadow, instead he merges with the shadow. For me, Le Guin's description of Ged's hunt and his realisation is so strongly akin to the deep shadow-work many of us must do to stay earthside. This is how I have always felt, like a dark crystal that turns this way and that, to and from the light. I will never judge another person who decides that they cannot stay here though, and I will never do them the disservice of automatically assuming it was a choice coming from something which could be treated. I've seen too much of the world to assume that everything is fixable, or that it has to be fixed. We are courageous in all our states, so often, and fragile at the same time. We are here for a very short time, and for many of us it is a very hard time often, and there is nothing moral in it, it is what it is, and sometimes, it is too much for us. But I wish, how I wish, that anyone who was in that state that I know so well, I wish that somehow we could reach out and hold them and whisper to them that life includes them, however they manifest, we are literally stardust. I know it sounds corny, but we are.
Oh how I wish I could express these words to humanity. Thank you 🙏 for this share and all of this 🤲❤️🩹! It’s so beautiful how out of our own brushes with the bottom of the well comes deep compassion, understanding, and tolerance.
Oh Johanna...it was a shock/revelation to hear Clancy describe being suicidal as young as three, and to hear you and others speak of the same at such a young age. We are literally stardust. Beautiful. Also....you write it so well: We are courageous in all our states, so often, and fragile at the same time.
In a recent post made by an OCD support group, the support person said he thinks one of the biggest contributors to our rise in mental health issues is our collective hyperchondria, fuelled by our cultures inability to accept death, ageing and illness. I too believe this conversation is so needed in our society. I think there is a growing desire for it. The popularity of Oliver Burkeman's '4000 Weeks' is a good indicator of this.
I also recently reread the Harry Potter series, and death is a core idea. You can totally see how Rowling's experience of suicidality shaped her world view. Harry has to literally face death, and accept its inevitably, in order to liberate those around him and to go on living. It is only by facing the darkness and surrendering to it that he can see the way forward.
The Hero's journey message, right! We go to the dark and return with wisdom. I agree with the OCD support group person...and extend things to say that perhaps if we got more robust around death, we'd be better with life and possibly better able to do things like (as per Clancy's suggestion), wait another day.
So many thoughts, so little time to write them all down (I’m meant to be writing an anthropological summary for uni right now, but this is juicier... and somewhat relevant to my assignment)...
1. I too teared up when you offered for Clancy to call you if he needs. Ugh, you continually restore my faith in humanity🫶
2. I cannot recall who I’m stealing the quote from, but I always love the idea that talking about stigmatised topics is like sun to mould. Shine the light on those sticky subjects!
3. The van park-up anxiety is a real thing! Takes a while to get used to, I still sometimes get it! My top tip is to find a few parking options on Google maps before you start driving around... put Google maps in satellite view and then you can kinda find some good flat areas (check street view too to make sure it’s not a hill, it’s not a no-park zone etc), drop a pin and save it for when you’re ready to go park up!
I find this takes the street out of driving around in the dark wondering where tf you’re going 😅
And the sardines on corn thins are my staple van diet 😂
I do choose, however, to just wing it a bit. All the apps and toggling sends me into a spin. And so, as I sit here in a slightly grim field with a donkey going crazy nearby and the sound of some horrible band practicing in the village below (acoustics in valley!) I vow to just suck it all up.
Good luck with your summary...the world needs you and your summaries and insights!
Haha yes 10000% just wing it! I found sometimes instead of doom scrolling social media, a productive park-finding scroll was healthier… and took the stress off later! Oh the donkey 😂 i once parked in a makeshift road train stop over, that I didn’t realise until 2am when it sounded like they were going to run over my van! But yep, just suck it up… it’s all part of the adventure!
Thanks! I think you’re wisdoms and this channel have immensely helped me form insights, so thanks for being you 💗
There is a Buddhist story about a blind turtle surfacing in the ocean and hitting a bucket that illustrates the chance of a soul obtaining a human life. It is so rare that I think we are supposed to revere our experience. I have struggled with this appreciation/reverence. I have attempted suicide twice. Had 3 cancers and also a staph infection that nearly killed me. I remember that week stating death in the eye and deciding to stay here. Why? I don’t know when I would happily have disappeared at other times.
Or as David Whyte would say in TOBAR PHADRAIC
Turn sideways into the light as they say
the old ones did and disappear
into the originality of it all.
But here I am. Doing life differently.
Being on the move each night is a different life.
I am parked up in one of my fave suburban streets.
Not yet game to head for a forest area as a single woman. I did love Annecy.
I do relate to bursting with life but oh so fragile.
Thanks for sharing.
I found this about the blind turtle
The story goes that the Buddha used the following metaphor to illustrate how precious human birth is. Imagine all the billions of universes/galaxies were equivalent to a vast ocean and there was a bucket floating on its surface. Consider that a blind turtle lived in the depths of this huge ocean. Once every 100 years the turtle would come to the surface to breath and then return to the bottom of the ocean. The probability of that old blind turtle to hit its head on the bucket once surfacing to breath is as rare as the chance of obtaining a human birth.
Thank you. I think I was probably one of those who reached out for “answers” following your dear friends death.
Thanks for your Long Bows. I always, always love them - they prick up my intellect!
Reading this post Brough to mind something beautiful I heard recently . I was listening to Julia Louis Dreyfus interview Isobel Allende on her Wiser Than Me podcast. Isobel talked about how not long after her adult daughter died in her arms, she was at the birth of her granddaughter , in fact she was the person who “pulled the baby from her mothers body” and as soon as she looked at the baby, and the baby at her, she said “quickly, tell me what it’s like, how is Paula, before you forget”
Oh my paraphrasing is ruining it , but hearing her talk of death and birth being SO CONNECTED actually made me sob out loud. It was a profound guttural response. Allende felt that it was the same force at work in both the death and the birth. Beautiful. I loved it.
And , on another note, please believe your writing words to strangers is more than that. It’s obvious that we all yearn for connection, that is what’s important in life. Time and time again one reaches out and gets nuthin!! But you don’t! You reach out and I get you and you get me and it’s wonderful.
I'm so damn glad the various shares helped! I cried, sitting in my van just now, eating chocolate with dodgy wifi, reading the way you described that interview/moment. Yes, death and birth...there's a pulling from and pulling toward that goes on for both... and we all get pulled, too, when we're touched by either. And the feeling is life affirming, right!? How tragic our culture keeps us from being fully available for them.
Thanks for the confirming feedback, Cleo. And the care you put into writing the above. I'm so thrilled to have this forum with you.
It moved me to hear Clancy encourage spontaneously smiling at someone. As well as it being a chance to do something that is simple and beautiful (and be reminded how that matters), it also brought to my mind the attachment research saying the origin of self worth is to be "delighted in" as a child for our inherent value as a 'being', seperate to what we do. It may be a very small ray of light on the darkest of days but I'd like to also think of this smile as a kind of brief nod to this inherent worth.
Sar ... you've left me without words as the fragility and kindness of your words is extraordinary. I will ponder some more ...
Big love to you, my friend. May angels surround you as you park each night and minister to you in the quiet as you eat your sardines and broccoli and write. xx
Just a quick one to say you are getting it oh so right: the sardines, the broccoli, the watching (our beauty and absurdity) with du vin and the writing.
Thank you Sarah for engaging and looking deeply into what holds so much pain. I agree wholeheartedly with needing to hold death so we can learn how to live.
I’m also with you in the ‘fear of getting it wrong’ lurking in every decision.
Thanks for such a thoughtful post Sarah. The point about triggering made me think of a webinar I was on recently about finance for creatives. Before someone shared a screen they gave a trigger warning that they were going to... show a budget. In all seriousness, because some people find doing a budget 'hard'. I thought, golly, is this where we've got to! It made me despair a bit about our ability to face the hard stuff, like the existential risk posed by the climate crisis.
I am in an awesome FB mums' group that has slowly succumbed to needing to put content warnings on all the things. I am an older member of the group and I think that might be why this is all so peculiar to me - and also most unnecessary (and I say that as someone who has lost a father to a terminal illness, a child to stillbirth, among other things, so I am not immune to life). It's very frustrating!
100% I feel like I want to convey “toughen up” or #firstworldproblems but I figure that wouldn’t go down well lol obviously trigger warnings have a use but I do think I some usage has gone too far.
Nice know that I am not a voice crying in the wilderness anymore as Suicide is not shameful as Catholics declared that it is a sin against God whereas killing people in wars seems to be OK Shooting children is also OK in some states in US but let’s keep quiet about suicide in case others get the “idea” What in the world might provoke such “ideas🤷🏾♀️“ Climate denial….Futures…stupid governments Best have discussions as in Europe where good things also part of the news along with scary facts .Thanks to all who care I feel safer today 🙏🏼💐🐝🥰🥰🥰🥰
I like the metaphor you mentioned Anneliese of stigmatised topics being like mould in sunlight. I listened to Dr Gabor Mate talk about this concept of triggers - he says its a metaphor for weaponary, so there is the ammunition and the mechanism for it, that holds power . It's not safe to be just giving trigger warnings without us all connecting to the core, important matters at heart.
You know, I was not expecting to enjoy reading this. I'm going to be blunt.
I signed up to 'this is precious' when I signed up to Substack, not really knowing the kind of content.
I get an email in my inbox just simply titled 'this is precious' and then something about suicide.
I think it's spam, to be honest, to be formatted so differently from my usual emails - it's lower caps, but not a personal email e.g. from a friend. An unusual vibe anyway.
Safe to say my first response was what the fuck does this person know. Sorry but it's true. I was so unbelievably defensive. I'm in the middle of watching a TV program, as well. But, something very tiny in me says to give it a shot. So I read, properly, and give it my full attention.
Well, I'll be damned, it touched me. It took me back to memories when I myself struggled with suicide ideation. Very strangely, today, I struggled with it for the first time in absolutely ages, prompted by some ruminations mixed with low self-esteem and too much isolation.
Some really difficult parts about the time I wanted to kill myself (the main time - the heaviest time) was that I was completely obsessed with the fact that 'we're all going to die'. Our collective mortality. It felt so imminent. But I was in a cushioned, safe place, a cushy, elite university (Cambridge). No one else seemed to feel this imminent doom.
In my later years I contextualised these feelings as coming from childhood experiences where I felt unsafe. But... this didn't account for my burgeoning ecological consciousness at the time. Also - I had this feeling that I was overheating constantly.
After reading this whole thing - and I'd like to listen to the podcast/ links - I feel more so that my feelings back then were probably an intense response to childhood trauma and also extreme sensitivity, almost a foreshadowing, of what was logically to come. I'm not sure. The latter sounds almost mystical but it FEELS true.
But most of all reading this made me feel less alone. And more like... ffs why didn't I feel comfortable sharing my experiences sooner!
So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Because, as well, this makes me wonder if I should give things a second chance more often. Take that damned armour off that comes from being a Londoner (maybe).
Angelica
Angelica...I love all of this. Including the font feedback! It helps.
Really glad you shared your thoughts here...they are GOOD ones. And I love your British candour. Oh, and Welcome!!
Good on you & thank you, Angelica, for sharing. It means a lot to all of us here in Sarah's substack space.
Angelica, your honesty is wonderful.
I have tried suicide many times growing up knowing that I needed help.At ten the doctor called me a precocious little prig after I took mums iron tabs and was very sick.Mum was often depressed needing ECT sometimes No discussion about mums sadness after her mum died when she was 16 then brother killed in war a few years later.
Talking about death is essential for understanding others pain At 16 the psychiatrist said I was normal but she wanted to see mum.That never happened but the psyche helped me see a point to my life and I am now an ex nurse and psychotherapist today I hope understanding suicide is not selfish but out of love for those who you are hurting often.
I tried a few times after traumatic events one being an abortion feeling so alone with that decision. .Liz
Dearest Liz, very touched to read this. And I'm so damn sorry about the journey you had to being here, sharing your self with us. And bless that psych...
I understand the aloneness of having an abortion.
Thanks for being here.
Sarah xx
SUCH an important topic to write and talk openly about. I absolutely agree we need to not avoid going there. I think the other piece of why people suicide has to do with being in enormous pain, not feeling able to bear it, and believing it will not end. I wish when someone is in one of those periods, we could show them the future, the meta-perspective, that everything ultimately comes and goes, the grief, the fear, the pain, the anguish. That even the longest, darkest depression ebbs and flows in its intensity. That this moment will pass and another will come.... Thanks for giving voice to this topic.
I think the best way to show those in a vulnerable position what you suggest is to live fully...to live out what you say and to be available when they need the reminder.
I have a friend in exactly this place Vicki. She’s said herself, if only someone could tell her how much longer she’ll be in this awful state, it might be just a fraction easier to survive it. It’s very difficult to witness and support - I think what I offer her is helpful, but it seems so inadequate in the face of such enormous distress.
And yes, we must talk about it.
Maybe ask your friend to go for a walk with you, as per Clancy's tip. x
Yes, incredibly hard to witness and support. Sometimes all we can do is keep sending that person love as they navigate their path and letting them know how important they are ❤️
I started wishing and trying to die when I was very young, and the fact that i am comfortable speaking openly about it is because almost 40 years later, my survival has depended on addressing my confrontation with my own mortality, and my own attempts to live. When I was 17, I came across Camus' book The Myth of Sisyphus, in which, on the very first page, he confronts the reader with his belief that the only true choice in life is whether or not to live it. I was incredibly depressed at that point of my life, all my childhood abuse had well come home to roost, and I had no tools to deal with what had happened to me. I thought I was physically invisible, I couldn't bear to be looked at or touched, my head was full of white noise, nowhere seemed safe. But something about this concept, of being allowed to make a choice and then from that choice to live or die with the repercussions, gave me some shot of courage to start confronting what it was inside me that was so afraid of living.
This is all a roundabout way of saying that yes, confronting death, your own death, and accepting it, and even accepting that you have within yourself the power to control the time of your death is very frightening, but for me, at least, it is what has kept me here this long, knowing that I could, and I can, but I won't. The other piece of literature that always has resonated with me is the first book of the Earthsea Trilogy, in which Ged is chased by a terrible shadow, whom he runs from into the land of the dead until he realises that he must call the shadow by its name, which is his own name, and in doing so he doesn't get power over the shadow, instead he merges with the shadow. For me, Le Guin's description of Ged's hunt and his realisation is so strongly akin to the deep shadow-work many of us must do to stay earthside. This is how I have always felt, like a dark crystal that turns this way and that, to and from the light. I will never judge another person who decides that they cannot stay here though, and I will never do them the disservice of automatically assuming it was a choice coming from something which could be treated. I've seen too much of the world to assume that everything is fixable, or that it has to be fixed. We are courageous in all our states, so often, and fragile at the same time. We are here for a very short time, and for many of us it is a very hard time often, and there is nothing moral in it, it is what it is, and sometimes, it is too much for us. But I wish, how I wish, that anyone who was in that state that I know so well, I wish that somehow we could reach out and hold them and whisper to them that life includes them, however they manifest, we are literally stardust. I know it sounds corny, but we are.
Oh how I wish I could express these words to humanity. Thank you 🙏 for this share and all of this 🤲❤️🩹! It’s so beautiful how out of our own brushes with the bottom of the well comes deep compassion, understanding, and tolerance.
Oh Johanna...it was a shock/revelation to hear Clancy describe being suicidal as young as three, and to hear you and others speak of the same at such a young age. We are literally stardust. Beautiful. Also....you write it so well: We are courageous in all our states, so often, and fragile at the same time.
In a recent post made by an OCD support group, the support person said he thinks one of the biggest contributors to our rise in mental health issues is our collective hyperchondria, fuelled by our cultures inability to accept death, ageing and illness. I too believe this conversation is so needed in our society. I think there is a growing desire for it. The popularity of Oliver Burkeman's '4000 Weeks' is a good indicator of this.
I also recently reread the Harry Potter series, and death is a core idea. You can totally see how Rowling's experience of suicidality shaped her world view. Harry has to literally face death, and accept its inevitably, in order to liberate those around him and to go on living. It is only by facing the darkness and surrendering to it that he can see the way forward.
The Hero's journey message, right! We go to the dark and return with wisdom. I agree with the OCD support group person...and extend things to say that perhaps if we got more robust around death, we'd be better with life and possibly better able to do things like (as per Clancy's suggestion), wait another day.
So many thoughts, so little time to write them all down (I’m meant to be writing an anthropological summary for uni right now, but this is juicier... and somewhat relevant to my assignment)...
1. I too teared up when you offered for Clancy to call you if he needs. Ugh, you continually restore my faith in humanity🫶
2. I cannot recall who I’m stealing the quote from, but I always love the idea that talking about stigmatised topics is like sun to mould. Shine the light on those sticky subjects!
3. The van park-up anxiety is a real thing! Takes a while to get used to, I still sometimes get it! My top tip is to find a few parking options on Google maps before you start driving around... put Google maps in satellite view and then you can kinda find some good flat areas (check street view too to make sure it’s not a hill, it’s not a no-park zone etc), drop a pin and save it for when you’re ready to go park up!
I find this takes the street out of driving around in the dark wondering where tf you’re going 😅
And the sardines on corn thins are my staple van diet 😂
Hope you’re thriving in van life xx
Van tips = wonderful.
I do choose, however, to just wing it a bit. All the apps and toggling sends me into a spin. And so, as I sit here in a slightly grim field with a donkey going crazy nearby and the sound of some horrible band practicing in the village below (acoustics in valley!) I vow to just suck it all up.
Good luck with your summary...the world needs you and your summaries and insights!
Haha yes 10000% just wing it! I found sometimes instead of doom scrolling social media, a productive park-finding scroll was healthier… and took the stress off later! Oh the donkey 😂 i once parked in a makeshift road train stop over, that I didn’t realise until 2am when it sounded like they were going to run over my van! But yep, just suck it up… it’s all part of the adventure!
Thanks! I think you’re wisdoms and this channel have immensely helped me form insights, so thanks for being you 💗
There is a Buddhist story about a blind turtle surfacing in the ocean and hitting a bucket that illustrates the chance of a soul obtaining a human life. It is so rare that I think we are supposed to revere our experience. I have struggled with this appreciation/reverence. I have attempted suicide twice. Had 3 cancers and also a staph infection that nearly killed me. I remember that week stating death in the eye and deciding to stay here. Why? I don’t know when I would happily have disappeared at other times.
Or as David Whyte would say in TOBAR PHADRAIC
Turn sideways into the light as they say
the old ones did and disappear
into the originality of it all.
But here I am. Doing life differently.
Being on the move each night is a different life.
I am parked up in one of my fave suburban streets.
Not yet game to head for a forest area as a single woman. I did love Annecy.
I do relate to bursting with life but oh so fragile.
Thanks for sharing.
I found this about the blind turtle
The story goes that the Buddha used the following metaphor to illustrate how precious human birth is. Imagine all the billions of universes/galaxies were equivalent to a vast ocean and there was a bucket floating on its surface. Consider that a blind turtle lived in the depths of this huge ocean. Once every 100 years the turtle would come to the surface to breath and then return to the bottom of the ocean. The probability of that old blind turtle to hit its head on the bucket once surfacing to breath is as rare as the chance of obtaining a human birth.
The originality of it all....x
Thank you for writing so beautifully on such an important topic Sarah. Your words serve and connect us all.
Thanks mate x
Dear Sarah
Thank you. I think I was probably one of those who reached out for “answers” following your dear friends death.
Thanks for your Long Bows. I always, always love them - they prick up my intellect!
Reading this post Brough to mind something beautiful I heard recently . I was listening to Julia Louis Dreyfus interview Isobel Allende on her Wiser Than Me podcast. Isobel talked about how not long after her adult daughter died in her arms, she was at the birth of her granddaughter , in fact she was the person who “pulled the baby from her mothers body” and as soon as she looked at the baby, and the baby at her, she said “quickly, tell me what it’s like, how is Paula, before you forget”
Oh my paraphrasing is ruining it , but hearing her talk of death and birth being SO CONNECTED actually made me sob out loud. It was a profound guttural response. Allende felt that it was the same force at work in both the death and the birth. Beautiful. I loved it.
And , on another note, please believe your writing words to strangers is more than that. It’s obvious that we all yearn for connection, that is what’s important in life. Time and time again one reaches out and gets nuthin!! But you don’t! You reach out and I get you and you get me and it’s wonderful.
Thank you for believing in me Sarah 🩷
xx Cleo
I'm so damn glad the various shares helped! I cried, sitting in my van just now, eating chocolate with dodgy wifi, reading the way you described that interview/moment. Yes, death and birth...there's a pulling from and pulling toward that goes on for both... and we all get pulled, too, when we're touched by either. And the feeling is life affirming, right!? How tragic our culture keeps us from being fully available for them.
Thanks for the confirming feedback, Cleo. And the care you put into writing the above. I'm so thrilled to have this forum with you.
Now you’ve made me cry! 🤗
I’ll be listening to that interview now that you’ve shared that story Cleo. I had goosebumps imagining that scene you’ve retold.
same!
It moved me to hear Clancy encourage spontaneously smiling at someone. As well as it being a chance to do something that is simple and beautiful (and be reminded how that matters), it also brought to my mind the attachment research saying the origin of self worth is to be "delighted in" as a child for our inherent value as a 'being', seperate to what we do. It may be a very small ray of light on the darkest of days but I'd like to also think of this smile as a kind of brief nod to this inherent worth.
me too, Cass.
Sar ... you've left me without words as the fragility and kindness of your words is extraordinary. I will ponder some more ...
Big love to you, my friend. May angels surround you as you park each night and minister to you in the quiet as you eat your sardines and broccoli and write. xx
I am being looked after... x
Just a quick one to say you are getting it oh so right: the sardines, the broccoli, the watching (our beauty and absurdity) with du vin and the writing.
Thanks Steph x
Thank you Sarah for engaging and looking deeply into what holds so much pain. I agree wholeheartedly with needing to hold death so we can learn how to live.
I’m also with you in the ‘fear of getting it wrong’ lurking in every decision.
Thanks for such a thoughtful post Sarah. The point about triggering made me think of a webinar I was on recently about finance for creatives. Before someone shared a screen they gave a trigger warning that they were going to... show a budget. In all seriousness, because some people find doing a budget 'hard'. I thought, golly, is this where we've got to! It made me despair a bit about our ability to face the hard stuff, like the existential risk posed by the climate crisis.
Good lord.
I am in an awesome FB mums' group that has slowly succumbed to needing to put content warnings on all the things. I am an older member of the group and I think that might be why this is all so peculiar to me - and also most unnecessary (and I say that as someone who has lost a father to a terminal illness, a child to stillbirth, among other things, so I am not immune to life). It's very frustrating!
100% I feel like I want to convey “toughen up” or #firstworldproblems but I figure that wouldn’t go down well lol obviously trigger warnings have a use but I do think I some usage has gone too far.
Nice know that I am not a voice crying in the wilderness anymore as Suicide is not shameful as Catholics declared that it is a sin against God whereas killing people in wars seems to be OK Shooting children is also OK in some states in US but let’s keep quiet about suicide in case others get the “idea” What in the world might provoke such “ideas🤷🏾♀️“ Climate denial….Futures…stupid governments Best have discussions as in Europe where good things also part of the news along with scary facts .Thanks to all who care I feel safer today 🙏🏼💐🐝🥰🥰🥰🥰
I like the metaphor you mentioned Anneliese of stigmatised topics being like mould in sunlight. I listened to Dr Gabor Mate talk about this concept of triggers - he says its a metaphor for weaponary, so there is the ammunition and the mechanism for it, that holds power . It's not safe to be just giving trigger warnings without us all connecting to the core, important matters at heart.
Yes, too often it stands as a disclaimer. You’ve been warned and now we take no responsibility for what comes next.