43 Comments

This is perfect timing - I am going away with friends this weekend and we have exhausted the School of Life cards, I look forward jumping in with your questions. Thank you also for the book list - will be choosing wisely for Christmas xx

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funnily, my first guest back in the NY is Alain de Botton...

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YES!!!!!!

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Sarah, Sara here. First time commenter :) David is speaking in Toronto next week and I'm thrilled to be going. My question to you is...what do you do if you're "that person" who wants to have shake up the world questions...and yet can't find the peope who also want to engage that way? I yearn big conversations that help us explore....everything...but often find we cycle the topics of kids, work and weather. I want to talk about kindness, war and death.

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Ah Sara, I felt the same and so ...I created this substack space. Join book groups, talks with writers and go solo and start chatting to someone in the queue, perhaps look up philosophy meet ups on FB? I do all these things, and around the world. I also think strangers are more receptive to these kind of conversations, because both you and them are out of the comfort zone.

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Hi Sara. I'm also in Toronto (a little north of the city) and I so hear you on wanting to have those big, dive deep conversations. We should connect!

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I have been using "how is your heart right now?" often since first reading it in your book Sarah. It touched me straight away. Such a beautiful question. I'm realizing I need to ask it more of myself and not just those around me!

Brilliant list of questions too. Perfect to throw a few in at family Christmas! On second thoughts, sadly none of that would go down well with the majority of my extended family!

Which speaks I suppose to the lack of intellectualism or willingness to go there. I agree, it's huge here. As I've gone through my 20s and 30s I remember so many giving me grief for being overly intellectual and I actively forced myself to dumb things down. A huge regret! A partner particularly at one point hated my use of "big words", being vulnerable and young... Of course I dialled down my language and it stuck. I'm married to a very different partner now thankfully! He can take the big questions. I think it may be the quest of my 40s to return to myself, always seeking knowledge, and finding a similar tribe who are on that same track, not afraid of the deeper questions, talk the big talks, use the "big" words 😂

Great list of books too, thanks Sarah. The Overstory is magnificent, one of my favorites. A couple have been on my bookshelf waiting to be read so this is my sign for the summer

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I force-shrunk most of my life, too. Fortunately my family are not anti-intellectual and accept my spiritual/emotional openness

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“Force-shrunk” yikes! That is a reality for me too. Also damping down the happiness and joy in the face of other people’s misery. Just realising now where that started and how to unpick it.

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You are truly lucky in that regard Sarah!

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Love this !

I heard this question and it’s history about a year ago and promised myself to use it as often as I could. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I have only been brave enough to use it in its pure form twice, but each time it did create magic. ☺️

The intention has been there though , and the question has taken other forms. And has encouraged me to open my heart and ears. And speak less, and listen more.

The Muslim faith , especially in the Sufi form really seem to understand the heart and the channel it opens to the divine. It is these little shifts in perception and expression which make and create connection and magic 🙏🏼.

Funny that you mention the lack of intellectualism in Australia. I have been struggling with this a little in myself (feeling not knowing enough, and not giving myself enough time to read more). And I am hungry for knowledge and experience.

But to be honest my mind is so so tired. I have tried to intellectualise my way through life for so many years. And tried to explain myself or be understood. I have read soooo many books, and listened to so much, but all that knowledge has just disappeared into my heart and only rises when the heart calls for it. The mind wants to take a holiday.

Is it intellectualism that you are craving Sarah?

More quotes, more old knowledge, old lives and ideas, more cerebral oneupmanship?

Or is it answers to this question that you seek?

From my experience and my teachings the mind is the servant of the heart.

The Chinese describe it well, the heart is the emperor (leads the way, shows the vision) , the gut is the general (guides the way to make the vision a reality , and the mind is the Engineer or Artist (creates the solutions to make the hearts wish a reality).

The BEST, most honest, and funnily enough the most innovative and mentally stimulating conversations for me have always come via the heart.

My answer to this question is, funnily enough

My heart is afraid tonight, afraid that I will not ask this question, during a conversation which is on its way to me. Afraid that I will not ask other questions with this intention. To understand, to give of myself by listening to all which wishes to be revealed and discovered.

Afraid to make someone uncomfortable, and to make myself uncomfortable. Afraid of the answers and the questions that will arise.

But I also feel that I am more afraid of staying in a shallow haze of okay. And know that this fear will give me the courage to ask everything which needs to be answered.

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Is it intellectualism? Not strictly. More depth, honest discussions, heart-full dialogue. You are right to highlight the distinction. But it's the history of anti-intellectualism that shuts down deeper dialogue of any kind.

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Maybe it could be called embodied intellectualism 🤔

That Chinese stuff I was talking about alludes to the three brains theory. Heart, gut and mind.

Opening to insight, and inspiration and daring rather than old ideas and paradigms.

We need new solutions and we need to work on it together. And the only way that’s going to work is through just that wish your asking for Sarah 👌🏼 good chats ☺️

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Correct, I think it’s the media which is giving intellectualism a bad name, or has always given it a bad name.

Heartfelt brainstorming , imagineering, and honesty always seems to upset the status quo, maybe that is why we as humans find it difficult to give it to ourselves 🤔

It’s that intellectuals vs the working person divide that I am afraid of. I see how it divides me from good people around me when I puff myself up to put up shields 😅

Looking forward to the discussion on The Panel , good luck ✌🏼🙏🏼👌🏼

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These are fabulous questions. I especially love the one about how your ancestors show up in your life. If only more conversations went like this *sigh* 😊

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Vicki, how do yours turn up in your life?

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This week they showed up in an unusual way. We had a fire at my office. My nervous system was very disturbed by it. I did some EMDR (trauma processing) with my response and it took me to an image of my grandparents world war 2 trauma - coming out of an air raid shelter and smelling the smoke after a bombing. I had no idea that smell was encoded into my system from their experience in the 1940s. More often than not, the ways they show up is through the legacy of their traumas....

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With this breath, in my heart I wish you a surfeit of love and affection in your new life In Paris. Bless your gentle and caring heart for all you do in sharing your good work with your dedicated followers. Joyeux Nöel Sarah X

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I ask - and where and how are you in your life’s trajectory?

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Love this. My answer - I'm halfway, with the peak still a long way ahead, but the incline not so dramatic...I'm settling into an awareness that I'm very comfortable with the stage. It hits me in little outbursts - I'm happy with who I am for the first time ever. And I feel this will move into contentment as I get older.

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Want is on your heart this breath Sarah?

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the state? a little unsettled, wondering where I belong, holding with some firmness to to trust in the movement that drives me (onwards, outwards). Thanks for asking.

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Trust in that movement , you have created a life where you can be where you feel most supported.

You do not need to justify that to anyone , but I guess you could explain to people what you feel and why you wish to be there. Ignite that fire in them too ✨

My therapist asked me the other day where I would be if I could be

I want to be on the east or west coast of the UK , by the cliffs and forests, with access to a motor home or a bike so that I can catch the train and be on the French coast (especially Anglet) when I wish.

Because I feel a calling, home to ancient roots, quiet, wind, rain, green, the cold, fire and warmth. I am over heated here and at the same time lonely, for quiet and silence and depth and fire.

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I have used what do you love? Instead of what do you do for years. It is light and fun but a lovely way to ease into something deeper. Xo

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About three years ago I did a workshop with Rachel Ricketts and one of the practices she left us with was to set a daily reminder or alarm that popped up with the question "How Is Your Heart Doing?"

Every since then, every day at 2pm I receive that little notification and it's a reminder to check in, breathe, or notice. I loved this further explanation and invitation to use it in relationship with others.

Thank you for this!

And Rachel is now here on Substack! https://substack.com/@iamrachelricketts

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Good luck extending the invite x

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Fantastic questions. Incredible podcast.

One question Ive heard asked - what do you want your relationship legacy to be?

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That's a good one...for when I'm in a relationship!

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A wonderful list of questions to ask on a first or second date, too :)

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On dates I like to ask, what are you reading? And, what makes you happy?

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Hi Sarah - I'm sort of annoyed about your appearance on The Project. My husband just got this ridiculous box that lets us watch live tv in any country in the world (not a fan but my daughter now gets to watch ABC Kids which she usually only watches once a year - ha!). Due to the time difference I won't be able to watch your appearance as it will be 2.30am here!! Is there someway we can watch it later? You'll be awesome! I know you already know this, but there is a massive offense taken (by some people) towards those who opt to experience life overseas. Almost like an abandonment. It's not better than - it's just fulfilling a different need. Thankfully none of my friends at home are like that but I am certain you will feel that pushback :( But you're right - we need to ask, discuss and try to answer the big questions.

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you are so right. I'm going to have to tread carefully

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Good luck! I look forward to seeing it. The project can be.... Hrm... But hopefully they let you speak and are respectful 🤞

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I’ve just spent a wonderful two hours with girls from work talking through your questions posed above. Significant insights, poignant stories and an intimacy gained into these women’s lives and dreams and the world they want to live in. Thank you for the ideas.

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‘And how are you crazy?’ Is a great question I found a while ago, meaning what do you do that’s out of your every day life and reactions. Everybody has a slightly crazy goofy side, I think and sharing it shows a lot about our personality.

Great questions by the way, all of them so different and caring ☺️

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annnnndddd....how are you crazy, Katerina?

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Having imaginary arguments with people that annoy me by ‘talking’ to them while driving. It’s very satisfying 😄

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Well done Sarah

Not easy explaining your heart to a whole country on live TV 😅

Slightly adversarial hosts, but also borderline curious as to what you have discovered

That’s the tricky bit with such a hurried form of communication and broadcast , how do I express THIS , my heart , to so many people so that they will all understand, hard enough to yourself , let alone one other

I think you got your feelings and observations out there and will allow others to search for you and more information as they wish

We cannot control others feelings and reactions, all we can do is be kind and honest

How are you feeling post appearance?

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