Thank you for taking the time to share your mental space around this, Sarah.
Like you, I feel it is requisite to watch, engage, comment, march, donate, speak up. I also understand the absurdity of pressing ❤️ on the video of a child who may not live to see another morning whilst sitting in my living room.
We donated tents and the tents were bombed. We donated food and the trucks were raided. We wrote to our politicians and they have done nothing. We weep with the parents, the children, the communities, and yet we are helpless watching their helplessness.
No one in my community speaks about it, small city Australian mindset at play, and as each week goes by I find myself feeling more numb to the generic and privileged human experience that too many pretend is the global norm.
What will our children think when they are grown, that we were the generations to live stream a genocide and then flick on over to Uber Eats without leaving the sofa.
Last night I kept waking thinking I could hear bombs and my children screaming. The mother who kissed her dead sons and told them not to be scared because they were together will be forever burned in my brain. The Hunger Games seems like child’s play now.
I don’t know how to manage the darkness except to remember that I’m gifted the privilege to do so where they are not. I’m gifted the choice to look away so I do not. I’m gifted the space to wrestle with all that we see because I’m not fighting to survive. There is guilt and shame and such a desperate sadness that it could swallow me whole…And then I move about my day.
And I struggle with compartmentalizing it all but also know I must for my life to function. It’s a complex, absurd and heinous request of humanity.
Jennifer, thank you. The dissonance is too much for the human mind. Allow for this.
I'm still struggling to accept the bit I share - we aren't all seeing the same stuff. A lot of people I know didn't come across the beheaded baby video at all. I met a young person the other day - an American in Paris - who didn't really know what was happening in Gaza.
We have to find a way to let this be.
The Joanne Macy ep I share - it's so helpful. Take a listen.
trying hard to write a response to help fix things but soooo blank (and know I can't fix anything so am caught in the maze of freezing overwhelm inaction and guilt and guilt and indulgently feeling shame that I even feel guilt) and its still about ME???
I wanted to say thanks for writing this as you are able to word and echo how I am struggling in a similar way; YES a complex, absurd and heinous request of humanity.
Sending love frm a very small country town in Australia
I have just written a chapter about the fact we can no longer "fix" things. And how to manage this....mostly we need to sit in it, see it, accept it AND move forward with right action.
That’s beautiful , fixing things is too hard as life will always throw more at us , responding in the most right manner possible is the best we can do and all that can be expected 🙏🏼
I also feel the guilt of inaction and understand these feelings are hard to navigate alone if you can’t have discourse in your community.
On a personal level it has reminded me to live in my values, make a difference with my vote, allow the feelings of grief to overwhelm me when they need to, and then seek out forums like this.
I think there are some really interesting ideas around the trauma response in these comments and the way we all need to weave our own webs to cope.
I’ll definitely be listening to the podcast that Sarah has linked also.
Thank you so much for this. I echo and agree with so much of this. I work in the space of trauma education and creative recovery, and also vicarious trauma care. Fellow practitioners and I have remarked many times, that we are witnessing children squabble in adults bodies when it comes to trying to make sense of this surely unrecorded experience of witnessing a live genocide through technology that is proven addictive. The wise dancer flicking the mosquito feels like the truest way to navigate this. It is a distraction from being able to process horror, acknowledge the truth, and reserve our energy for the people of Gaza.
The horror that people in Gaza are living through, and dying in is unspeakable. Our helplessness, which is real, is causing what I see to be a collective trauma response. Fight - yell and shame at anyone who seems to not match our fury. Flee - tune out altogether. Freeze - be immobilised in despair. Collapse - be unable to function by this witnessing. The shaming is so insidious. It has never in history been a tool effective in activating meaningful change.
And then to speak of this brings criticism that it is centering the experience as witness, but I just can't follow this logic. As an educator in vicarious trauma, it is a simple fact of our amazing humanity that the cumulative impact of consuming trauma content from afar - is trauma impacts. Dysregulation, distress, physical exhaustion, anxiety, and our nervous systems sailing us far from grounded reason, compassion, logic and presence so as to activate that unconscious interoception function of survival.
If we truly want to be ready for action, to mobilise, to speak and agitate those who actually can leverage change - governments and lobby groups and institutions - then we need to be regulated. We need to be in the window of being able to have compassion for such a broad range of experiences. It means mindful consumption of this live terror streaming at us 24/7. That is a privilege we must use for good.
Your podcast and various interviews with experts speaking of the metacrisis has helped my understanding about all this enormously. Thank you for what you do and for having big and meaningful conversations. Taking care of your space is your right, and keeps you able to share this with us, which is incredibly important. The space for nuance and vulnerability is where we can truly process these enormously difficult emotions of witnessing horror beyond imagination. x
Thank you for sharing this Caitlin. The trauma response perspective is helpful, ditto hearing that people in this space are viewing things as you say.
It helps to recognise that we are unable to process the trauma because we are not going through the usual "moving through" - ie shaking it off etc. We are stuck in it. In such times, I have to run madly through a forest, and dance.
And I agree - the shaming that some people are doing is just horrible.
Caitlin.....yes. I so appreciate this comment. I was unable to read the full post as I noticed my own dysregulation creeping in only sentences in. I don't know that most of us have to be fully barraged with horror to access compassion, and, think that it may actually make it harder to access because we shut down or compensate with trauma responses to protect our brains. Hence why I try to lightly dip into the news and dip out (I realize the privilege of even being able to do this). My window of tolerance moves further and further away, and I have realized 'post-pandemic', both post and, now again, pre- Trump, as our world engages in multiple wars... that my nervous system feels to always be balancing on a knife's edge. I am playing with finding ways to be expansive around my internal experiences of/reactions to the hard things in this world while remaining connected to it. Last week after a conversation with my climate-crisis denying brother I had to take my rage to the beach and found solace in watching the waves while picking up trash. It helped to reconnect and to find my own small sense of agency. I wasn't solving anything and yet noticed that my heart opened more, allowing way to my grief and to feeling less threatened by him while feeling more connected to the world around me.And then I came home and donated to my favorite group of environmental lawyers:)
It has been tremendously helpful for me to learn that understanding and compassion do not equate agreement. I can hold compassion, even if only a few drops for ebbing moments of time, for the people still supporting Israel's approach while wholeheartedly disagreeing with what is happening. It is not a place I live in but one that I am learning how to return to, for my own humanity and to avoid isolating from a world which feels too harsh to exist in at times.
One thing coming to mind as I allow myself to process through the keys is that we as a human collective are lacking in courage. Courage to speak without being perfect, to act without having a road map when we feel a strong stirring in our souls, to trust in ourselves to try while also holding the humility to be accountable to our decisions and the things we say and to respond with care. Not needing to have all of the answers and being humble enough to say so and realizing that sometimes there aren't answers and rather a need for community, companioning, care. If we could speak into spaces on behalf of our fears with courage, as opposed to preemptively silencing ourselves or lashing out from them, I wonder how far it would go in increasing connection and communication.
Ashley, it sounds to me like you have so much inner wisdom to be able to notice these things. I think this is really important and is what will sustain us. Knowing to take ourselves to the beach. To step away from reading when we need to. I agree that courage is lacking, collectively. I think it stems from the cultural norm now of certainty - people are so rigid in certainty about their views and torn down if we show curiosity and the possibility of changing our minds. Surely this is how we find courage, by acknowledging we are not sure about everything? That there may be things we don't know? Anyway, if it's useful to you, I've written a book on creativity and how it helps us find space for these things and is a tool for these times. Our own creativity is free after all, capitalism can't take it from us, although it does damn well try.
I love the idea that courage is intertwined with the acknowledgement of uncertainty. Imagine the change our politicians could elicit if they lead with that.
Thank you for bringing up courage. I’m so disappointed in the lack of bravery & listening being done. But. I also think this is a storm of cancel culture (bringing fear & freeze & “too hard”) and , as discussed, the polarizing social media perpetuates.
Yikes yes, "the norm of certainty". Where can I find you book Caitlin? In the last year or so I have started drawing again - I think as a direct response to the chaos in the world - it gives me a quiet slow place to reflect and respond.
Thank you Caitlin for the recommendation. I will definitely be investing in that wonderful book. I just skimmed the amazon preview and got goose bumps reading about how you and Lizzie were born in Canberra. Dr Cutter was also present at my daughter's birth and I remember one of the nurses saying "cutter by name, cutter by nature". Literally "painful" memories 😳
The work you are doing in MakeShift looks amazing. Encouraging our innate healing ability through creativity has got to be better than the more traditional methods 💕
I love you point about courage Ashley. I feel this, especially the point about needing to act without a roadmap - I think that is a skill that will be more and more important in the future, I need to make peace with that. Thank you for naming it.
This makes so much sense. Thank you for explaining it so clearly. As you say the fact that these trauma response behaviours are a result of our "amazing humanity" actually gives me some kind of hopefulness. The vast majority of us find it incredibly difficult to bear witness to this and find this traumatic - that speaks to a deeper thread of compassion than we would usually believe. We just have almost no processes and rituals for dealing with it in a constructive way. Thank you for your insights. xo
I think there is also something here about oppression & social media being “their” platform - a place where anyone can have a voice.
I’ve only just subscribed but is there a convo anywhere about the alliances being formed? I’m watching other humans who feel oppressed in some way being the loudest & shaming of others if not “Pro Palestine” (goodness I wish it was labeled “peace”)
Yeah Alex I agree that social media is the worst possible platform for people to play out and I express their trauma responses in this flattened, dehumanising way. To be clear, I don't mean to say casually that "everyone has Trauma!". But I do think that the world we live in know is creating deep wounds to our souls and culture and this is a type of collective trauma. Not being connected, or seen, not being connected to nature and community, living in consumerism and capitalism.
I don't know about alliances but I am finding these Substack forums way more safe, interesting, curious, and galvanising than social media and am grateful to Sarah and others for creating and holding them .
I come here for some sort of solace. For the comments and the connection in a week where I have felt so gaslit, so consumed with rage, so despairing as to question my own sanity. For the emotional among us (Sarah you have always been so much more rational and thoughtful than me) this has been the worst week of all. For those of us who feel the world before we can make sense of anything we see or hear or read, this week has been indescribable. So I come here to say, dear friend, thank you for describing it. Your words give me something to grab a hold of when the walls and floor have simply given way. A hand to hold while being consumed by the full horror and injustice of it all. No, I am not going mad, you understand. Thank you Sarah. And to come here for the comments, well it is a safe haven indeed. Thank you to all. X
I find solace here too and a re-ignition of my faith in humanity. Thank you for your emotion. I feel a numbing in myself these past few months that is unusual for me. Rage and tears have always been closer to the surface than they are now. I'm sitting with that - they seem to have been replaced with a deep and unabiding sorrow. No you are not going mad. Madness - a rejection of the norms which say this is necessary the only rational response. xo
Some of those unusual emotions (I'm feeling unusual ones too) are about an internal transitioning, I think. Some make us pause (numbness) and get our bearings, others take us to a next level of adulthood. That's what I'm feeling within me.
I like that interpretation of numbness - as a powerful break rather than a just running to hide - which if I am honest, has had me feeling a bit guilty that I was feeling numb.
No words to add. But thank you, to you and everyone in this space because it helps to be this sad and angry and confused and fired up and helpless (and a hundred other emotions) and not be alone in that.
I avoid the images. I am not avoiding the problem but even reading the description is horrific. I choose to limit my exposure so I don't get overwhelmed and bogged down in my own distress.
Yes, moral injury is exactly the term I was thinking of when I was out walking. I saw the imagine. It was the most horrific thing I ever seen. I thought I couldn’t see anything worse than that image of those two dead boys. As awful as it seems, maybe we have to be confronted with the horror. Maybe it’s the only way we’ll act. It’s also not like people in Palestine can’t not look the other way. Bombs and missiles are raining down on them. Our foreign minister said today that Hamas needs to stop using Palestinian as human shields. I really feel as if I am being gaslit by our political class. Are they not seeing what we’re seeing? I want it to stop but so much damage has been done. I see those images and think there are children who’ll never breathe, never play again. It’s just appalling and I feel so powerless.
You're in Australia? Penny Wong said that? The human shield argument just can't hold. There is deliberately putting humans in front of/on top of you. And there is fighting a war in the same confined place in which the humans/civilians have been caged. Whilever the latter scenario is forced upon Palestine, no one is in a position to make the human shield argument.
Yeah she did. It was a jarring statement. It has a whole “sorry, not sorry” feel about it. It was the second most infuriating thing I saw today (the other being Julia Gllard’s patronising and condescending remarks).
I have a reflection after reading you considered writing and the comments that followed . We personally need to stop using the language of the oppressor, Israel are not fighting a “war” or defending themselves . The Palestinians have no army, navy or organised force. Hamas was funded and created by Israel , this is well documented.
This is genocide, the mass extinction by any occupying force on an indigenous people to gain the territory and resources.
This has played out time and time again in history , this time it’s being “televised “. Sending much love as we all need it now ❤️🩹
Exactly Sarah. They. Live. There. I’ve never felt such a desire to punch a screen as when reading “human shields” or “elected Hamas”. It’s from the same tired old playbook as “weapons of mass destruction” but actually more evil.
I felt exactly the same when I read that sickening statement.
We should remember that Penny Wong was also happy to fly to Israel, meet and pose for photos with Isaac Herzog, who only a few weeks earlier had been photographed signing bombs that were about to be blasted into Gaza (and no doubt killed numerous children).
And just today, failed Republican presidential nominee Nikki Haley was photographed in Israel, also taking part in this apparently time-honoured tradition, writing the words 'Finish them!' on IDF artillery shells... There are no words for the degree of evil we're witnessing.
When our leaders here can't even set laws, that the people who elect them want in place to stop domestic violence against women, what hope really do countries who don't even have fair contestable elections, have convincing narcissistic and morally corrupt men to do what's right?
your explanation of moral injury was a great flashlight moment for me to help understand a little more of my emotional (and physical reaction) but also magnifies the issue of other moral injury compasses that seem to be non existent *horrified sigh*
100% Siobhán - no words and no way to rationally process what’s happening. [Formerly] trusted leaders like Wong freaking *endorsing* it 🤮, and ordinary citizens powerless to stop it. Every day I wake up and think “what can I do”? Donating and pushing to increase refugee intake are better than nothing, but imo the only Western citizens with power to curb the horror are American voters. It’s their money that’s paying for the weapons. Imo protest action outside the US should be aimed at putting moral pressure on those voters.
1. I would vote for Biden because everything must be done to stop Trump. With Biden, at least protest and debate will still be possible. Americans can protest Biden once he's in office. They can hold him to account.
Equally any RFK options must also be ignored.
2. There's a side to me that thinks, let it rip. So much seems to be conspiring to funnel Trump in (including Biden's support of Israel) I wonder whether humanity should be standing in the way.
The gaslighting by all but a small handful of politicians is off the charts. I felt so much rage when I read that statement by Penny Wong - the worst thing is that she's a smart woman and knows exactly what she's doing. It's sickening.
“Human shields” is an ugly trope with a long and deeply racist history. This episode of the excellent ‘Citations Needed’ podcast provides a very good overview of this history and is well worth a listen:
“Viet Cong Use Children as Human Shields," the Associated Press alleged in 1967. "'Civilian casualty?" That's a gray area," Alan Dershowitz argued in The Los Angeles Times in 2006. "We can’t ignore the truth that Hamas uses human shields,”"Jason Willick wrote in The Washington Post in 2023.
For more than five decades, military forces with overwhelming firepower, including the US, Israel, and others have accused enemy combatants of using “human shields.” According to these allegations, militant resistance throughout the world, from the Vietnamese National Liberation Front to Palestinian militants, herd civilians in front of them, or hide in hospitals, religious institutions, and other public places, in order to evade attacks. In turn, they force the enemy to “risk” killing civilians, and they themselves bear responsibility for those who are killed. But rarely, if ever, have these accusations been true. Indeed, the term “human shields,” despite having a clear legal definition, has become a catch-all for militias or insurgency groups that merely operate among a civilian population, functioning as a convenient pretext for invading, occupying and colonial forces to kill civilians, and reinforcing racist conceptions about besieged populations. So why, and how, do media provide cover for governments that lie about and instrumentalize supposed “human shielding”?
On this episode, we dissect the decades-old “human shields” accusation, examining how it dehumanizes and militarizes people living under occupation and invasions, demonizes resistance movements, and sanitizes civilian-killing aggressors as reluctant actors who "simply had no choice."
Antoinette Latouf wrote an open letter to the grieving fathers of Palestine - “we see you”
You might recall she was unceremoniously sacked from the ABC for her non-biased reporting on Israel’s attack on Palestinians. When will world leaders intervene and put a stop to this genocide
Thank you for taking the time to express pretty much every single thought I have had, and felt so hard, of such glaringly futile obvious, that I’ve got to the identical place as you describe. For me a hopelessly exhausted (by its loneliness) realisation. There’s definitely been a tipping point after the tent slaughtering, and ‘Hamas were hiding under the tents’ etc etc isn’t gonna wash with the common consensus. Finally people on the (scared of the effective conflation re being called an A.S) fence can see that Netanyahu/IOF are out of control.
Thank you for putting sane words to this compulsion to keep watching and liking the neverending footage - to reassure our fellow humans that they are seen and heard. By someone effectively helpless and powerless, but by someone regardless. The struggle to consume the truth, and go through the necessary motions of daily life is immense. On particularly bad days, such as Monday just gone, the compartmentalising walls we build, crumble.
On Monday we had a photographer capturing images of our house to prepare it for sale - because it is our shared belief in society that a place of residence is worth something.. What is the difference? What makes our house worth something and countless Palestinians destroyed homes worth NOTHING? Collectively en masse worth nothing.. Not even a dignified news headline.
Even if I never see it again, that image is burned into my memory. And the ABC News headline on a loop simply presented the incident as “Netanyahu described the event in Rafah as tragic.” The fire in me.
These images have got me seeing my life and the assumptions it is built on differently too. I'm grateful for this.
N described it as a "tragic MISHAP". A mishap is when you trip over something and it's a surprise. Dropping bombs on tents and being surprised that people die...oh goodness.
Thank you Sarah and everyone for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The image in question flashed up on my screen but then the Instagram sensitive content page replaced it - I got the contours but not the detail. I have been feeling a duty/ responsibility to witness the suffering but I feel grateful for not clearly seeing a the decapitated and burned corpse of a child, it is just too much to bear. I will be at the protests on Sunday screaming that it all must stop. No one will listen, it feels futile, but what else to do? Take care of your hearts everyone.
I have to absorb slowly and I reject painfully these realities ...
but the process is necessary and helped by the illumination of others wrangling of pain, numbness and all those other next level inadequate descriptors. thanks for your courage and measured strength.
Thank you Sarah for putting this all into words. I'm watching most of the videos and seeing photos and yes they are horrific but I feel if I don't look , then how much do I really care, and really how lucky are we that we can switch it off if we don't want to see.
I think the video of the father holding up his beheaded child had been a turning point. I've noticed many more people on my list of friends posting the picture 'all eyes on Rafah' also more people on my friends list liking my posts even though I have been posting stories and articles for months with little response. Hopefully this means more people are turning to the right side of history. But then I see the Herald Sun Melbourne on Tuesday have basically taken out a three page spread advertising Josh Frydenberg for sky news presents ' never again the fight against AntiSemitism' wow the timing is impeccable. It's sad the second page has Julia Gillard, Sir Peter Cosgrove, PM, Peter Dutton all commenting on the war against anti semitism. It really disgusts me the lies, propaganda and hate they are spreading. It is all so disheartening what our government is doing.
In my local area, we are regional Victoria and we have started a pro Palestinian group and gathered last weekend and held a meeting. We are going to do a film screening of a Palestinian movie and hold a movie night in support of the people of Gaza. So I'm doing what I can to keep fighting for the freedom of the Palestinians.
It's a massive adjustment, feeling unrepresented. We are not the first people in history to feel this. It's usually what sees us rise up and enact change. But the betrayal is hard to process. Those of us (the warriors, the witches??) willing to hold firm on the moral truth must support each other. One thing I might share soon is a call to those who are not willing to post to support those of us who do with a simple like. Because amid the pushback, it helps to see our crew back us. Right?
Thank you for your notes and reflections, I value them. I feel an enormous disconnect from the world with 2% of my friends actively engaged in the genocide leaving the remaining 98% claiming to be too ill informed to make any comment.
I see everything through my algorithm; beheaded babies, wailing mothers et al. And at one point I subscribed to this theory of integrated thinking, where we can show compassion to the Israeli hostages and Palestinians in general, that is fading. I feel lost and alone in a community I created and love and now feel at 53 I have to start again. Find a new group of people to surround myself with. I’ve taken 12 months away, I’m in Europe attempting to make sense of it all, but in the last days. I’ve found my heart more broken than ever.
Hi Mel. I feel this so much. I'm 54. My direct community/circle/family has their heads in the sand for the most part. It's isolating. And I feel the same. I need new people. Not that I don't love my old people. I just need to have these conversations in real life. I need to process and share with people who get it, and who are not looking away. I can't do it all online. I've taken some steps in the direction of new (offline) community building.
We’re on the same path, you’re not alone. I feel like the blinkers are off, I see people for who they are not. I honestly thought people would be as enraged and devastated as me, I still can’t understand how they can look the other way. I post a photo of a scenic landscape and get 100 likes, yet I post an “eyes of Rafah” and the two likes I get are my daughters. I’m shocked.
I know. The 'good vibes only' mentality is out of control I'm finding in equal portion to the growing dissonance. I've never been down with this admittedly. I've got a dark and twisty side and feel, see it all. I've never been able to look away, and I wouldn't want to. But sometimes I feel a little jealous. Can I say that here? I'd love to retreat, too, sometimes, and join them in their little bubbles.
I'm 50 and feel the same. I'm feeling quite excited about finding a new tribe who I can move to next levels with. I think it's part of a moving into a new phase as an "elder" woman. There are quite a few women in this thread who are seeing things the same way - Kay, Emma etc. Some of us need to be taking on this mantle. I'm aware I need to find mentors, elders to apprentice myself to, and so on. The world needs older, wiser women right now. I'm finding this realisation enlivening. You?
Absolutely. It's taken me a couple of years (and some balancing of the hormones TBH) to settle in to this stage and get clear. I'd love it if you could share those mentors as you find them! Meg Wheatley for sure.
Yep I'm the same, I post numerous stories about Gaza daily get three likes who are the same people, and post something else not on Gaza and get 50 likes. I feel like the crazy activist lady and no one else cares 😢
Thank you for taking the time to share your mental space around this, Sarah.
Like you, I feel it is requisite to watch, engage, comment, march, donate, speak up. I also understand the absurdity of pressing ❤️ on the video of a child who may not live to see another morning whilst sitting in my living room.
We donated tents and the tents were bombed. We donated food and the trucks were raided. We wrote to our politicians and they have done nothing. We weep with the parents, the children, the communities, and yet we are helpless watching their helplessness.
No one in my community speaks about it, small city Australian mindset at play, and as each week goes by I find myself feeling more numb to the generic and privileged human experience that too many pretend is the global norm.
What will our children think when they are grown, that we were the generations to live stream a genocide and then flick on over to Uber Eats without leaving the sofa.
Last night I kept waking thinking I could hear bombs and my children screaming. The mother who kissed her dead sons and told them not to be scared because they were together will be forever burned in my brain. The Hunger Games seems like child’s play now.
I don’t know how to manage the darkness except to remember that I’m gifted the privilege to do so where they are not. I’m gifted the choice to look away so I do not. I’m gifted the space to wrestle with all that we see because I’m not fighting to survive. There is guilt and shame and such a desperate sadness that it could swallow me whole…And then I move about my day.
And I struggle with compartmentalizing it all but also know I must for my life to function. It’s a complex, absurd and heinous request of humanity.
All Eyes on Rafah.
Jennifer, thank you. The dissonance is too much for the human mind. Allow for this.
I'm still struggling to accept the bit I share - we aren't all seeing the same stuff. A lot of people I know didn't come across the beheaded baby video at all. I met a young person the other day - an American in Paris - who didn't really know what was happening in Gaza.
We have to find a way to let this be.
The Joanne Macy ep I share - it's so helpful. Take a listen.
I will, thank you.
trying hard to write a response to help fix things but soooo blank (and know I can't fix anything so am caught in the maze of freezing overwhelm inaction and guilt and guilt and indulgently feeling shame that I even feel guilt) and its still about ME???
I wanted to say thanks for writing this as you are able to word and echo how I am struggling in a similar way; YES a complex, absurd and heinous request of humanity.
Sending love frm a very small country town in Australia
I have just written a chapter about the fact we can no longer "fix" things. And how to manage this....mostly we need to sit in it, see it, accept it AND move forward with right action.
Learning to live in the uncertainty and uncomfortableness; ironically, is what I am looking for as a ‘fix’
Not ironic at all...totally sane!
Yes, strange though; when sanity is felt and understood as irony!?!
That’s beautiful , fixing things is too hard as life will always throw more at us , responding in the most right manner possible is the best we can do and all that can be expected 🙏🏼
I also feel the guilt of inaction and understand these feelings are hard to navigate alone if you can’t have discourse in your community.
On a personal level it has reminded me to live in my values, make a difference with my vote, allow the feelings of grief to overwhelm me when they need to, and then seek out forums like this.
I think there are some really interesting ideas around the trauma response in these comments and the way we all need to weave our own webs to cope.
I’ll definitely be listening to the podcast that Sarah has linked also.
♥️
yes agreed
the solace and thoughts (and community) here are so so useful and practical copeful web weaving as precious as it is imperative
I just listened to the link with Jess and Joanna (with headphones) and felt so much comfort and warm -heldness- that breathing actually become easier
I know this will be a "go-to" connect in ... the wisdom and love in that mature crone voice is a soothe
thanks Sarah for linking this link ... a million stars worth of thanks
Jennifer, so sadly eloquently said. Thank you.
💔
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Thank you for that desperate and eloquent description - I feel all of that. The cognitive dissonance is real. xo
We’ve never known anything like it ❣️
Beautifully said, thank you
Thank you so much for this. I echo and agree with so much of this. I work in the space of trauma education and creative recovery, and also vicarious trauma care. Fellow practitioners and I have remarked many times, that we are witnessing children squabble in adults bodies when it comes to trying to make sense of this surely unrecorded experience of witnessing a live genocide through technology that is proven addictive. The wise dancer flicking the mosquito feels like the truest way to navigate this. It is a distraction from being able to process horror, acknowledge the truth, and reserve our energy for the people of Gaza.
The horror that people in Gaza are living through, and dying in is unspeakable. Our helplessness, which is real, is causing what I see to be a collective trauma response. Fight - yell and shame at anyone who seems to not match our fury. Flee - tune out altogether. Freeze - be immobilised in despair. Collapse - be unable to function by this witnessing. The shaming is so insidious. It has never in history been a tool effective in activating meaningful change.
And then to speak of this brings criticism that it is centering the experience as witness, but I just can't follow this logic. As an educator in vicarious trauma, it is a simple fact of our amazing humanity that the cumulative impact of consuming trauma content from afar - is trauma impacts. Dysregulation, distress, physical exhaustion, anxiety, and our nervous systems sailing us far from grounded reason, compassion, logic and presence so as to activate that unconscious interoception function of survival.
If we truly want to be ready for action, to mobilise, to speak and agitate those who actually can leverage change - governments and lobby groups and institutions - then we need to be regulated. We need to be in the window of being able to have compassion for such a broad range of experiences. It means mindful consumption of this live terror streaming at us 24/7. That is a privilege we must use for good.
Your podcast and various interviews with experts speaking of the metacrisis has helped my understanding about all this enormously. Thank you for what you do and for having big and meaningful conversations. Taking care of your space is your right, and keeps you able to share this with us, which is incredibly important. The space for nuance and vulnerability is where we can truly process these enormously difficult emotions of witnessing horror beyond imagination. x
Thank you for sharing this Caitlin. The trauma response perspective is helpful, ditto hearing that people in this space are viewing things as you say.
It helps to recognise that we are unable to process the trauma because we are not going through the usual "moving through" - ie shaking it off etc. We are stuck in it. In such times, I have to run madly through a forest, and dance.
And I agree - the shaming that some people are doing is just horrible.
Running madly through a forest and dancing sound like incredibly sensible and appropriate acts of wisdom for these times. In fact, essential 🌿
Caitlin.....yes. I so appreciate this comment. I was unable to read the full post as I noticed my own dysregulation creeping in only sentences in. I don't know that most of us have to be fully barraged with horror to access compassion, and, think that it may actually make it harder to access because we shut down or compensate with trauma responses to protect our brains. Hence why I try to lightly dip into the news and dip out (I realize the privilege of even being able to do this). My window of tolerance moves further and further away, and I have realized 'post-pandemic', both post and, now again, pre- Trump, as our world engages in multiple wars... that my nervous system feels to always be balancing on a knife's edge. I am playing with finding ways to be expansive around my internal experiences of/reactions to the hard things in this world while remaining connected to it. Last week after a conversation with my climate-crisis denying brother I had to take my rage to the beach and found solace in watching the waves while picking up trash. It helped to reconnect and to find my own small sense of agency. I wasn't solving anything and yet noticed that my heart opened more, allowing way to my grief and to feeling less threatened by him while feeling more connected to the world around me.And then I came home and donated to my favorite group of environmental lawyers:)
It has been tremendously helpful for me to learn that understanding and compassion do not equate agreement. I can hold compassion, even if only a few drops for ebbing moments of time, for the people still supporting Israel's approach while wholeheartedly disagreeing with what is happening. It is not a place I live in but one that I am learning how to return to, for my own humanity and to avoid isolating from a world which feels too harsh to exist in at times.
One thing coming to mind as I allow myself to process through the keys is that we as a human collective are lacking in courage. Courage to speak without being perfect, to act without having a road map when we feel a strong stirring in our souls, to trust in ourselves to try while also holding the humility to be accountable to our decisions and the things we say and to respond with care. Not needing to have all of the answers and being humble enough to say so and realizing that sometimes there aren't answers and rather a need for community, companioning, care. If we could speak into spaces on behalf of our fears with courage, as opposed to preemptively silencing ourselves or lashing out from them, I wonder how far it would go in increasing connection and communication.
Ashley, it sounds to me like you have so much inner wisdom to be able to notice these things. I think this is really important and is what will sustain us. Knowing to take ourselves to the beach. To step away from reading when we need to. I agree that courage is lacking, collectively. I think it stems from the cultural norm now of certainty - people are so rigid in certainty about their views and torn down if we show curiosity and the possibility of changing our minds. Surely this is how we find courage, by acknowledging we are not sure about everything? That there may be things we don't know? Anyway, if it's useful to you, I've written a book on creativity and how it helps us find space for these things and is a tool for these times. Our own creativity is free after all, capitalism can't take it from us, although it does damn well try.
I love the idea that courage is intertwined with the acknowledgement of uncertainty. Imagine the change our politicians could elicit if they lead with that.
Thank you for bringing up courage. I’m so disappointed in the lack of bravery & listening being done. But. I also think this is a storm of cancel culture (bringing fear & freeze & “too hard”) and , as discussed, the polarizing social media perpetuates.
Yikes yes, "the norm of certainty". Where can I find you book Caitlin? In the last year or so I have started drawing again - I think as a direct response to the chaos in the world - it gives me a quiet slow place to reflect and respond.
Drawing is such a beautiful way to make space! You can find it here > https://geni.us/CreativeFirstAid
x
Thank you Caitlin for the recommendation. I will definitely be investing in that wonderful book. I just skimmed the amazon preview and got goose bumps reading about how you and Lizzie were born in Canberra. Dr Cutter was also present at my daughter's birth and I remember one of the nurses saying "cutter by name, cutter by nature". Literally "painful" memories 😳
The work you are doing in MakeShift looks amazing. Encouraging our innate healing ability through creativity has got to be better than the more traditional methods 💕
Oh my gosh! That's amazing. What a legacy of Dr Cutter 😂
Thank you for the book link, I will follow that up.
Thanks Caitlin! And I would love to check out your book. Creativity is such an avenue to return us to inner knowing and flow state.
I love you point about courage Ashley. I feel this, especially the point about needing to act without a roadmap - I think that is a skill that will be more and more important in the future, I need to make peace with that. Thank you for naming it.
This makes so much sense. Thank you for explaining it so clearly. As you say the fact that these trauma response behaviours are a result of our "amazing humanity" actually gives me some kind of hopefulness. The vast majority of us find it incredibly difficult to bear witness to this and find this traumatic - that speaks to a deeper thread of compassion than we would usually believe. We just have almost no processes and rituals for dealing with it in a constructive way. Thank you for your insights. xo
Thank you for framing this in terms of trauma.
I think there is also something here about oppression & social media being “their” platform - a place where anyone can have a voice.
I’ve only just subscribed but is there a convo anywhere about the alliances being formed? I’m watching other humans who feel oppressed in some way being the loudest & shaming of others if not “Pro Palestine” (goodness I wish it was labeled “peace”)
Yeah Alex I agree that social media is the worst possible platform for people to play out and I express their trauma responses in this flattened, dehumanising way. To be clear, I don't mean to say casually that "everyone has Trauma!". But I do think that the world we live in know is creating deep wounds to our souls and culture and this is a type of collective trauma. Not being connected, or seen, not being connected to nature and community, living in consumerism and capitalism.
I don't know about alliances but I am finding these Substack forums way more safe, interesting, curious, and galvanising than social media and am grateful to Sarah and others for creating and holding them .
I come here for some sort of solace. For the comments and the connection in a week where I have felt so gaslit, so consumed with rage, so despairing as to question my own sanity. For the emotional among us (Sarah you have always been so much more rational and thoughtful than me) this has been the worst week of all. For those of us who feel the world before we can make sense of anything we see or hear or read, this week has been indescribable. So I come here to say, dear friend, thank you for describing it. Your words give me something to grab a hold of when the walls and floor have simply given way. A hand to hold while being consumed by the full horror and injustice of it all. No, I am not going mad, you understand. Thank you Sarah. And to come here for the comments, well it is a safe haven indeed. Thank you to all. X
I find solace here too and a re-ignition of my faith in humanity. Thank you for your emotion. I feel a numbing in myself these past few months that is unusual for me. Rage and tears have always been closer to the surface than they are now. I'm sitting with that - they seem to have been replaced with a deep and unabiding sorrow. No you are not going mad. Madness - a rejection of the norms which say this is necessary the only rational response. xo
Some of those unusual emotions (I'm feeling unusual ones too) are about an internal transitioning, I think. Some make us pause (numbness) and get our bearings, others take us to a next level of adulthood. That's what I'm feeling within me.
I like that interpretation of numbness - as a powerful break rather than a just running to hide - which if I am honest, has had me feeling a bit guilty that I was feeling numb.
The fact you are aware of the numbness means it is not a position of defeat and avoidance...you are working with it, through it!
It is helpful to interpret numbness as a pause … I like this a lot
Em, thank you for always feeling and always listening and always being so open x
yes yes yes
No words to add. But thank you, to you and everyone in this space because it helps to be this sad and angry and confused and fired up and helpless (and a hundred other emotions) and not be alone in that.
I feel the same.
As Meg Wheatley says, we need to create/find islands of sanity.
I avoid the images. I am not avoiding the problem but even reading the description is horrific. I choose to limit my exposure so I don't get overwhelmed and bogged down in my own distress.
I appreciate that. I'm finding it a big growth curve, appreciating everyone's thresholds.
Yes it's been a learning curve for me to find my own threshold! But I am a lot more effective this way both in my personal life and advocacy.
I feel you. Skip my article...go to the Joanna Macy podcast I mention at the end. x
Yes, moral injury is exactly the term I was thinking of when I was out walking. I saw the imagine. It was the most horrific thing I ever seen. I thought I couldn’t see anything worse than that image of those two dead boys. As awful as it seems, maybe we have to be confronted with the horror. Maybe it’s the only way we’ll act. It’s also not like people in Palestine can’t not look the other way. Bombs and missiles are raining down on them. Our foreign minister said today that Hamas needs to stop using Palestinian as human shields. I really feel as if I am being gaslit by our political class. Are they not seeing what we’re seeing? I want it to stop but so much damage has been done. I see those images and think there are children who’ll never breathe, never play again. It’s just appalling and I feel so powerless.
You're in Australia? Penny Wong said that? The human shield argument just can't hold. There is deliberately putting humans in front of/on top of you. And there is fighting a war in the same confined place in which the humans/civilians have been caged. Whilever the latter scenario is forced upon Palestine, no one is in a position to make the human shield argument.
Yeah she did. It was a jarring statement. It has a whole “sorry, not sorry” feel about it. It was the second most infuriating thing I saw today (the other being Julia Gllard’s patronising and condescending remarks).
I caught JG's remarks and I didn't want it to be true.
Julia reopened Australia's own concentration camps on Manus Island and Nauru when she was PM. She's no humanitarian.
I have a reflection after reading you considered writing and the comments that followed . We personally need to stop using the language of the oppressor, Israel are not fighting a “war” or defending themselves . The Palestinians have no army, navy or organised force. Hamas was funded and created by Israel , this is well documented.
This is genocide, the mass extinction by any occupying force on an indigenous people to gain the territory and resources.
This has played out time and time again in history , this time it’s being “televised “. Sending much love as we all need it now ❤️🩹
Exactly Sarah. They. Live. There. I’ve never felt such a desire to punch a screen as when reading “human shields” or “elected Hamas”. It’s from the same tired old playbook as “weapons of mass destruction” but actually more evil.
I felt exactly the same when I read that sickening statement.
We should remember that Penny Wong was also happy to fly to Israel, meet and pose for photos with Isaac Herzog, who only a few weeks earlier had been photographed signing bombs that were about to be blasted into Gaza (and no doubt killed numerous children).
And just today, failed Republican presidential nominee Nikki Haley was photographed in Israel, also taking part in this apparently time-honoured tradition, writing the words 'Finish them!' on IDF artillery shells... There are no words for the degree of evil we're witnessing.
So much of the moral injury we feel comes from this - being so fundamentally let down by our leaders.
When our leaders here can't even set laws, that the people who elect them want in place to stop domestic violence against women, what hope really do countries who don't even have fair contestable elections, have convincing narcissistic and morally corrupt men to do what's right?
your explanation of moral injury was a great flashlight moment for me to help understand a little more of my emotional (and physical reaction) but also magnifies the issue of other moral injury compasses that seem to be non existent *horrified sigh*
100% Siobhán - no words and no way to rationally process what’s happening. [Formerly] trusted leaders like Wong freaking *endorsing* it 🤮, and ordinary citizens powerless to stop it. Every day I wake up and think “what can I do”? Donating and pushing to increase refugee intake are better than nothing, but imo the only Western citizens with power to curb the horror are American voters. It’s their money that’s paying for the weapons. Imo protest action outside the US should be aimed at putting moral pressure on those voters.
Yes, absolutely. If I was in the US, there's no way I could vote for either Trump or Biden though – it's such a grim choice they're facing.
I have two thoughts.
1. I would vote for Biden because everything must be done to stop Trump. With Biden, at least protest and debate will still be possible. Americans can protest Biden once he's in office. They can hold him to account.
Equally any RFK options must also be ignored.
2. There's a side to me that thinks, let it rip. So much seems to be conspiring to funnel Trump in (including Biden's support of Israel) I wonder whether humanity should be standing in the way.
Overall, however, 2 is far too dystopian for me.
The gaslighting by all but a small handful of politicians is off the charts. I felt so much rage when I read that statement by Penny Wong - the worst thing is that she's a smart woman and knows exactly what she's doing. It's sickening.
“Human shields” is an ugly trope with a long and deeply racist history. This episode of the excellent ‘Citations Needed’ podcast provides a very good overview of this history and is well worth a listen:
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/citations-needed/id1258545975?i=1000644521245
“Viet Cong Use Children as Human Shields," the Associated Press alleged in 1967. "'Civilian casualty?" That's a gray area," Alan Dershowitz argued in The Los Angeles Times in 2006. "We can’t ignore the truth that Hamas uses human shields,”"Jason Willick wrote in The Washington Post in 2023.
For more than five decades, military forces with overwhelming firepower, including the US, Israel, and others have accused enemy combatants of using “human shields.” According to these allegations, militant resistance throughout the world, from the Vietnamese National Liberation Front to Palestinian militants, herd civilians in front of them, or hide in hospitals, religious institutions, and other public places, in order to evade attacks. In turn, they force the enemy to “risk” killing civilians, and they themselves bear responsibility for those who are killed. But rarely, if ever, have these accusations been true. Indeed, the term “human shields,” despite having a clear legal definition, has become a catch-all for militias or insurgency groups that merely operate among a civilian population, functioning as a convenient pretext for invading, occupying and colonial forces to kill civilians, and reinforcing racist conceptions about besieged populations. So why, and how, do media provide cover for governments that lie about and instrumentalize supposed “human shielding”?
On this episode, we dissect the decades-old “human shields” accusation, examining how it dehumanizes and militarizes people living under occupation and invasions, demonizes resistance movements, and sanitizes civilian-killing aggressors as reluctant actors who "simply had no choice."
Very useful and interesting info, thank you.
I love Citations needed. They really cut through all the utter nonsense.
Me too - they're just brilliant!
Antoinette Latouf wrote an open letter to the grieving fathers of Palestine - “we see you”
You might recall she was unceremoniously sacked from the ABC for her non-biased reporting on Israel’s attack on Palestinians. When will world leaders intervene and put a stop to this genocide
Yes, I saw it. We connect a little behind the scenes on "all this"
Absolutely devastated! I will continue to protest and sign petitions. Everyone in this world.. women, men and children deserve to feel safe. ❤️❤️
Thank you for taking the time to express pretty much every single thought I have had, and felt so hard, of such glaringly futile obvious, that I’ve got to the identical place as you describe. For me a hopelessly exhausted (by its loneliness) realisation. There’s definitely been a tipping point after the tent slaughtering, and ‘Hamas were hiding under the tents’ etc etc isn’t gonna wash with the common consensus. Finally people on the (scared of the effective conflation re being called an A.S) fence can see that Netanyahu/IOF are out of control.
Thanks for supporting me Kay! See Siobhan's comment that she just posted on this...helpful!
Thank you for putting sane words to this compulsion to keep watching and liking the neverending footage - to reassure our fellow humans that they are seen and heard. By someone effectively helpless and powerless, but by someone regardless. The struggle to consume the truth, and go through the necessary motions of daily life is immense. On particularly bad days, such as Monday just gone, the compartmentalising walls we build, crumble.
On Monday we had a photographer capturing images of our house to prepare it for sale - because it is our shared belief in society that a place of residence is worth something.. What is the difference? What makes our house worth something and countless Palestinians destroyed homes worth NOTHING? Collectively en masse worth nothing.. Not even a dignified news headline.
Even if I never see it again, that image is burned into my memory. And the ABC News headline on a loop simply presented the incident as “Netanyahu described the event in Rafah as tragic.” The fire in me.
These images have got me seeing my life and the assumptions it is built on differently too. I'm grateful for this.
N described it as a "tragic MISHAP". A mishap is when you trip over something and it's a surprise. Dropping bombs on tents and being surprised that people die...oh goodness.
Thank you Sarah and everyone for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The image in question flashed up on my screen but then the Instagram sensitive content page replaced it - I got the contours but not the detail. I have been feeling a duty/ responsibility to witness the suffering but I feel grateful for not clearly seeing a the decapitated and burned corpse of a child, it is just too much to bear. I will be at the protests on Sunday screaming that it all must stop. No one will listen, it feels futile, but what else to do? Take care of your hearts everyone.
On these censored pages, at the bottom is a "watch now" - you can always watch, the screen is to get you to pause.
It's not futile to be engaged and to fight for humanity. How else do you want to spend a life? x
The visceral horror of this phrase you’ve used: ‘documenting their own caged extermination.’ It’s hard to fathom just how appalling that is.
Hope you check out Naomi Klein and get a chat w her
I'm invisible of late, and can't keep up
But she said " the only thing worse than this genocide is the livestreaming of the genocide, and if we normalise this..."
Also it's the governemnts, NOT THE PEOPLE..
Also Naomi Klein said THEY TARGET THE JOURNALISTS, THE SCHOLARS, THOSE W CAMERAS AND NOW ALSO JAHEERA
SO ITS A TARGETED ATTACK
Echoe echoe echoe
Then I check in on @bisanwizard...who has OPENLY endured AND, SO FAR SURVIVED these horrors
And ia reporting on the RAPING and TORTURING of WOMEN AND YOUNGER LADIES.
( can't stand it !!! )
Let this fake world burn
What even is the world anymore.
One world. One love....?
Oh man. I don't know. We are meant to be grateful here in Australia, yet all costs going up, housing crisis madness, some of us feel in our own Gaza.
I remember I did a write up at school on a song.
And I chose Howard's " no one is to blame "
Even back then I must have been curious, life has turned into a blame game.
Yet as he sang
" nobody is to blame "
Yet you DO have a choice, whether or not to kill someone.
Sorry. Xo
Don't apologise. Per Joanne Macy - your pain is not for nothing
again; thanks for this post Sarah
I have to absorb slowly and I reject painfully these realities ...
but the process is necessary and helped by the illumination of others wrangling of pain, numbness and all those other next level inadequate descriptors. thanks for your courage and measured strength.
and for yours, too x
Thank you Sarah for putting this all into words. I'm watching most of the videos and seeing photos and yes they are horrific but I feel if I don't look , then how much do I really care, and really how lucky are we that we can switch it off if we don't want to see.
I think the video of the father holding up his beheaded child had been a turning point. I've noticed many more people on my list of friends posting the picture 'all eyes on Rafah' also more people on my friends list liking my posts even though I have been posting stories and articles for months with little response. Hopefully this means more people are turning to the right side of history. But then I see the Herald Sun Melbourne on Tuesday have basically taken out a three page spread advertising Josh Frydenberg for sky news presents ' never again the fight against AntiSemitism' wow the timing is impeccable. It's sad the second page has Julia Gillard, Sir Peter Cosgrove, PM, Peter Dutton all commenting on the war against anti semitism. It really disgusts me the lies, propaganda and hate they are spreading. It is all so disheartening what our government is doing.
In my local area, we are regional Victoria and we have started a pro Palestinian group and gathered last weekend and held a meeting. We are going to do a film screening of a Palestinian movie and hold a movie night in support of the people of Gaza. So I'm doing what I can to keep fighting for the freedom of the Palestinians.
Much love and peace xx
It's a massive adjustment, feeling unrepresented. We are not the first people in history to feel this. It's usually what sees us rise up and enact change. But the betrayal is hard to process. Those of us (the warriors, the witches??) willing to hold firm on the moral truth must support each other. One thing I might share soon is a call to those who are not willing to post to support those of us who do with a simple like. Because amid the pushback, it helps to see our crew back us. Right?
I was definitely a witch in my past life 😀 yes that would be great 👍🙏🙏
Love that idea, Sarah. Let’s do it!
Allison, I’m in regional Vic too. Outside Ballarat. Are you near?
I'm in Phillip Island. Sorry 😞
How gorgeous!
Hi Sarah,
Thank you for your notes and reflections, I value them. I feel an enormous disconnect from the world with 2% of my friends actively engaged in the genocide leaving the remaining 98% claiming to be too ill informed to make any comment.
I see everything through my algorithm; beheaded babies, wailing mothers et al. And at one point I subscribed to this theory of integrated thinking, where we can show compassion to the Israeli hostages and Palestinians in general, that is fading. I feel lost and alone in a community I created and love and now feel at 53 I have to start again. Find a new group of people to surround myself with. I’ve taken 12 months away, I’m in Europe attempting to make sense of it all, but in the last days. I’ve found my heart more broken than ever.
Hi Mel. I feel this so much. I'm 54. My direct community/circle/family has their heads in the sand for the most part. It's isolating. And I feel the same. I need new people. Not that I don't love my old people. I just need to have these conversations in real life. I need to process and share with people who get it, and who are not looking away. I can't do it all online. I've taken some steps in the direction of new (offline) community building.
We’re on the same path, you’re not alone. I feel like the blinkers are off, I see people for who they are not. I honestly thought people would be as enraged and devastated as me, I still can’t understand how they can look the other way. I post a photo of a scenic landscape and get 100 likes, yet I post an “eyes of Rafah” and the two likes I get are my daughters. I’m shocked.
It's a suddenly-lonely, but also sharpening, experience. I know it Mel x
I know. The 'good vibes only' mentality is out of control I'm finding in equal portion to the growing dissonance. I've never been down with this admittedly. I've got a dark and twisty side and feel, see it all. I've never been able to look away, and I wouldn't want to. But sometimes I feel a little jealous. Can I say that here? I'd love to retreat, too, sometimes, and join them in their little bubbles.
I'm 50 and feel the same. I'm feeling quite excited about finding a new tribe who I can move to next levels with. I think it's part of a moving into a new phase as an "elder" woman. There are quite a few women in this thread who are seeing things the same way - Kay, Emma etc. Some of us need to be taking on this mantle. I'm aware I need to find mentors, elders to apprentice myself to, and so on. The world needs older, wiser women right now. I'm finding this realisation enlivening. You?
Absolutely. It's taken me a couple of years (and some balancing of the hormones TBH) to settle in to this stage and get clear. I'd love it if you could share those mentors as you find them! Meg Wheatley for sure.
Yep I'm the same, I post numerous stories about Gaza daily get three likes who are the same people, and post something else not on Gaza and get 50 likes. I feel like the crazy activist lady and no one else cares 😢