The podcast episode with Meg was the first of yours I ever listened to and I remember crying in the bath while listening to it, with a sense of both deep sadness and a kind of relieved acceptance. At the age of eighteen I dived headfirst into climate activism with the sense that the world was at a massive turning point. Looking back, threaded through the subtext of every moment of this work was the knowledge that so much change needed to happen combined with the messaging I received that it was the responsibility of every person (myself in particular of course) to "do our bit" or the world would end. And though I know that that urgency and sense that each individual can have enormous rippling impacts was meant to be empowering, I can definitely see now that it was actually crippling for me and led to an eventual burnout that lasted for years. I put in tens of hours every week to leadership roles in a floundering youth climate organisation, and each time we lost a campaign or a protest got a less-than-optimal turnout I was crushed by the feeling that I was failing in my responsibility to be the one person to fix everything.
This year, alongside working on my PhD I taught my first ever university course. The class? "Climate Change". While teaching this course, I was progressively listening to more episodes of Wild and the steadily released chapters of the Serialisation project. In the first week of classes, we talked about pathways to influencing change. I split the group up into discussions of transformational, reformist and alternative approaches. Many of the students regarded transformational approaches like protests and non-violent direct action as "too radical" or "too controversial". When talking with the struggling group discussing alternatives, I suggested that it wouldn't take as much as we think for ideas that might now seem radical to become realities. Alternative ways of living that might be more connected with local communities or based on moneyless societies. Societal shifts at the scale of collapse (which, I reminded them, had happened to every society prior to the current one - why should ours be any different?). The group looked at me as if I was completely insane. It reminded me of the quote that 'It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism'.
In the second tutorial of the course, the structure I was given by the course lecturer for the class was a discussion in which the students were seperated into two groups - one discussing the pro's and con's of retaining a target for global temperature increase of 1.5C, and the other discussing a target of 2C. Midway through the class I introduced the discussion point (not included in the notes provided by the lecturer but an addition of my own) that we have actually already passed 1.5, and the room fell silent.
One student was particularly vocal. I think they were roughly my age actually (28), but in the way they spoke about the issue I saw so much of the urgency and black-and-white passion that I had had when first getting involved with climate activism. They spoke about how any increase above 1.5C was totally unacceptable - an apocalypse world. That we all had to be putting all our energy into reducing emissions and that was all there was to it. That there was still time. It was critical. That it was our responsibility to the world and to future generations to stop everything else and drawdown carbon. I tried to introduce the idea that it wasn't so black-and-white. That there were important things to consider beyond just (or alongside) reducing emissions, and that (holding back my own opinions about how possible a 1.5 or 2C world are) the values and narratives that guide us into this future world might actually be more important than how quickly we are able to reduce our emissions. And that the responsibility for fixing everything by some urgently approaching deadline shouldn't be shouldered by any of us as individuals (if at all). I could feel this idea being quickly dismissed.
The next week in class, that same student came up to apologise for being so passionate and dogmatic in their debate with me the past week. We had a brief conversation about it and I tried to gently reiterate my points, but in their eyes I could see a total dismissal of their poor, misguided tutor and her unambitious opinions. It hurt my heart so much. I could see the same emotionally draining, hyperactive urgency for action in this student as I knew I'd had when I first got involved with activism. I admired their passion, but I also had such a strong urge to hug them and say something comforting that might miraculously inspire them to take all the weight of responsibility off their shoulders. But if there was something I could have said, I didn't know what it was. So I said nothing.
Over this year, enveloping myself more and more in narratives of collapse and what that means for the way I go on living my life, I feel so so isolated. My closest friends look at me with a slightly concerned scepticism. Dates (I've now learned this is at least a 10th date kind of revelation to give about myself if ever) look at me like a bemusing curiosity to investigate or an insane person to escape from. Even the lecturer of this course, my PhD supervisor, gives me the kind of stern "settle down now" expression you might give an over-eager child when I introduce discussions of whether the course could perhaps incorporate a slightly more realistic take on where the climate is headed and what kinds of actions and ideas it should be encouraging in its students as a result.
Though this is my first time actually posting anything here, I've been reading each of these posts the day they come out and every time I tear up a little. I so deeply identify with what you say Sarah, it's not easy going back out into the world once you've started thinking about these things. It's hard to know when someone might be receptive and when (more often than not) you might just have to try and bite your tongue and blend in, like you said your discussion with Meg. I do struggle as well really trying not to convey or feel any sense of condescension or superiority whenever I am thinking or talking about the reality of collapse.... it's so hard when instinctively all I want to do sometimes is shake people. But I feel really held in the space you've made here so thank you so much.
I just interviewed Christiana Figueres yesterday ...I'm processing this, too, with a similar loneliness.
Can I be of help in any way? I'm happy to offer to do a zoom chat with the group...or give free subscriptions to anyone keen to learn more? I don't want to presume they'd want to hear from me...but in case it could help.
Thanks Sarah, I really appreciate you offering. I'll pass it along if any of them seem like they might be curious, but I'm not sure if many or any of them seem like they would be in a place to be receptive to the kinds of discussion you have here and in your podcast. I think for all the students I've really gotten a sense from they still very much have that black-and-white thinking... there are two options, an acceptable, liveable world of below 2C and a dystopian hellscape. So I think for a lot of them any perspective that isn't optimism and hope for this <2C world is a vision of total despair that they immediately shut off to. I'll go on planting little seeds, and wherever I feel like there's an opportunity to guide them towards this kind of community I want to try to. It feels like that's not enough a lot of the time, but you can't force people to suddenly be open to an idea, it's such a gradual process and I suppose that's something I just have to learnt to be ok with. I think the perspective of looking at people and societies and seeing it as all just so beautiful, imperfectly, heart-achingly human is one that really helps me in these moments. We're all just bumbling through, trying to make sense of everything. It helps me to reframe the frustration when I find myself wishing people I encounter were more open to less comfortable perspectives.
I was thinking of your post from October first where you articulate your context and your experience of loneliness and helplessness. Your honesty made such a huge impression on me. I realize that my comments are unsolicited, and please know that I say this from the perspective of someone who only knows your situation from the outside and from what my imagination pieces together from what you've described (and from my experience reaching middle age after almost two decades of teaching in my own profession). I guess that I can't help but think that when we engage in this work of information sharing or of engaging in conversations with others about the soul shaking realities of our circumstances, we are engaging in something far, far bigger than ourselves. I really trust that the folks you are teaching and in whom you are planting seeds will perhaps encounter someone who will water those seeds, and another who cultivates and tends. And that there will be growth and learning and maybe even action in a way that individual can truly encounter it in their own thinking and in the context of their own life. But right now, it can feel as though we are doing so little. I can hear how much you want to give, and I hope so much that you have the opportunity to pour your heart authentically and transparently into your role as an educator soon.
Thank you Madeleine, your responses to me posting this along with everyone elses have made me feel really heard and I appreciate that a lot. I agree as well that you do have to find a way to keep planting those seeds with the belief that your contribution to that person's journey is just a drop in an ocean you'll never be able to truly see the impact of... I think so much of being able to build that outlook for me is trying to be less attached to outcomes and see more of the reward in the process itself, which definitely feels like something that Sarah has talked about before. That idea that regardless of how things turn out, regardless of whether my students ever become more open to the ideas I'm encouraging and regardless of whatever happens in 100 years time with the climate, that we lived our values and connected with those around us and found joy in it. Easier said than done, but a goal well worth aspiring to!
yes - and Kahlia 'a drop in the ocean' can be substituted for 'a light in the dark'... Even while it may not be seen unless it happens right in front of us, that light is powerful.
I just want to say that your tears and all of yourself that you are putting into teaching matter, Kahlia. The work with your intellect and the hard work of empathy that you are engaging in with putting your heart so much into your teaching matter. You are bringing presence into the classroom, and planting seeds that will take root. Thank you for posting your thoughts and experiences and being vulnerable. I’m so glad you feel held among what you encounter in Sarah's chapters, and people posting. May you know healing tenderness in your soul and heart as you move forward in your work and in your journey as an educator. I could feel your tiredness and sense of helplessness in your words, and I would like to say that the honesty communicated through the presence you must bring into your classroom might be as meaningful to students as what you have say. May you have more of the spaces and places you need to experience “with-ness” of people who also hunger and long for truth telling, and experience the blessing of having who you are and where you are at in your thinking and practice acknowledged and generously received.
Kahlia, such a poignant story. It must be so hard to be an academic or teacher at the moment. A friend teaches politics here in Australia and the students equally resistant to being challenged about the status quo, to consider the possibility that our political system is supporting our collapse,is anything other than democratic… She despairs too… I wonder if it’s too painful for these young students to discuss or think about bc they’re holding themselves together with such thin threads? I thought universities were designed to provoke thought and innovation… but hers at least seems intent on supporting the government of the day … funding is at stake…My friend was given a warning… please take heart from those here and beyond who a face the same lonely struggle. I’m finding this community a blessing.
Kahlia, so much in this comment, thank you for sharing. I too have been through the burnout phase and am having to find new and different ways of doing things. I love "the values and narratives that guide us into this future world might actually be more important than how quickly we are able to reduce our emissions." It seems like the values and narrative that created the problem prevent many of us from seeing the issues with the "solutions" - I know I had the god like egocentricity of "this is my job to fix", the delusions of our blinkered individualist, reductionist selves. It is a journey to get through to the other side through - I think it has been 15 years in the making for me and I will likely never get to a destination! Each new level of understanding opens the next one up! Glad to meet you here and read your reflections. xo
"that urgency and sense that each individual can have enormous rippling impacts was meant to be empowering, I can definitely see now that it was actually crippling for me and led to an eventual burnout that lasted for years. I put in tens of hours every week to leadership roles in a floundering youth climate organisation, and each time we lost a campaign or a protest got a less-than-optimal turnout I was crushed by the feeling that I was failing in my responsibility to be the one person to fix everything."
This describes the past 5-10 years of my life and I am coming to the realisation that I have in so many ways crushed the enjoyment from my own life in my attempts to be a waste warrior, climate journalist, eco mum and all the rest of it. And I have no idea how to change, how or whether it is ethical to withdraw from any of this work, and what the future holds.
But I too am grateful for this space. Thanks for your comment.
I don’t know how else to say it, but out on the Canadian prairies here there’s a golden quality to the sunlight that comes to us slanted through the clouds and through the crimson and gold leaves. The size of the sky out here has to be seen to be believed. It’s all bittersweet and painfully beautiful at the same time, moreso because of the cold and the dark that are soon coming. I am reminded that the sun follows its arc through the sky, not worried or doing work that is not the sun’s to do. The moon follows and knows that its work is to reflect this light back. I take great comfort in this. What animates the seeds that are now buried but will grow; what animates the trees as they stand sleeping; what animates the geese to take wing and fly south in formation is present to me. The spirit of the land tenderly holds me. It reminds me to breathe, to pray that (I quote verbatim the wonderful Jen Willhoite here) “When I cannot say all is well, or all is known, help me say all is held, so I never believe all is lost”.
I'm in Alberta. Our current provincial government is led by right wing extremists that are doing everything they can to open the eastern slopes of our Rocky Mountains to Australian coal mining companies, even though they've been told no by provincial and federal courts three times. There are already operations set up for it in southern Alberta. We're a 3.5 hour drive away from Jasper National Park, which was razed about 1/3 to the ground by forest fires this summer. My friend lost her house. The advocacy and political activism required here is exhausting, but honestly the beauty of the spirit of the land here is profound. It really does hold a person. There's an immanence and transcendence a person feels here on the prairies and in the foothills, and a healing kind of insignificance one can feel in the Rockies.
We are a beautiful 4ish hours drive from Banff. Closer to Jasper but the drive to Banff is easy from here. It is so, so, beautiful, Sarah. There are no words for the glory of it, and Jasper, and Yoho, etc.
I’m so sad to read this about the Rockies. I went there when I was a teenager and being from such a flat place as Australia, the scale of those mountains blew me away. Genuine awe and wonderment. To think that they’re under threat so we can kick the can down the road a little bit longer with the fossil fuel ‘dream’ is just so so sad, but symptomatic of everything that’s so wrong with the current state of things I guess. But it’s also in a nutshell what this is all about - soaking up those moments of wonder and awe despite it all. Focusing on them but also being acutely aware of the dark side of it all. Thankyou for sharing and for reminding me of the beautiful place you live, which affected me so profoundly so long ago x
Yes! A person just can't help but feel gratitude and feel blessed in response to feeling that intelligence that is so much bigger than us, and yet grants us insight into its presence here, too. Goodness and the best we can offer as humans is called out of us as a response.
Madeleine, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing ❤️ I have found it deeply thought provoking and will sit with the idea of doing the work I am meant for and letting others do the work they are meant for.
That is such a beautiful image Madeleine. Thank you for sharing it. And I love the quote by Jen Willhoite ) “When I cannot say all is well, or all is known, help me say all is held, so I never believe all is lost”. 🙏
Dear Sarah, thank you for this post and all the previous ones. I'm back in the classroom and have not been able to comment as much lately. Thank you for the shout out and, indeed, I listen to the audio recordings and appreciate it greatly as I'm not a huge fan of reading large chunks of text on the screen.
A few things popped into mind as I listened to your latest chapter. I have felt lonely too and still do at times but I've come to settle in a place where I'm okay with not talking about it with some of my closest friends. They have young children and their lives are full with daily life stuff and they seem to be in a place where they just need to focus on what is in their immediate daily experience. And this is more than fine, they are doing their life. I come back to my context of not having children and I see that I have the time and space to read, listen, learn, process and engage (within my capacity) with the metacrisis we face and I'm somewhat at peace with it. I'm not saying that people with children can't or don't engage with it. There are plenty who do, as we have seen in your community here. I did a parent education session recently at the school I work and the Q and A that followed unexpectedly went into the metacrisis field and we had a very rich discussion.
I recall our mutual connection, Tim, saying that we are not all here to learn the same lessons. And I also think that whatever lessons we are each here to learn, the learnings will come in their own time. I also remember Tim saying that we can't force change onto people and that people only change through inspiration. I think about this a lot. Perhaps what you say about being islands of calm when the shit hits the fans is like being the inspiration? It is not for me to teach the lessons...I stay in my lane doing my work and if others want to join or feel inspired, great. That's kind of where I'm at. It could change...
Thank you Kei...Tim also said there are worlds within worlds. I think many of my perspectives around this subject probably stem from his influence (he had to sometimes bludgeon me with the message!).
Childless women...a lot of us are rising up to this subject - I think it could be The Time of Aunts!
Tim's wise words continue to guide us! Worlds within worlds...yes. And yes to The Time of Aunts! I feel really settled and at peace with being an Aunt/ what I like to call Big Mothering. xx
Thanks as always Sarah. Your comment, “one must check one’s smugness! I’m aware that declaring from on high that some (lesser) people are just not ready for something as big and important as collapse is possibly very arrogant and separating” is one I ponder often. It is indeed separating and I remember a conversation I had with a Snr exec a few years ago that his (our) responsibility/challenge was to value everyone equally, knowing that we were all different, with different strengths, capabilities, circumstances etc. He could not get his head around it and ultimately disagreed it was possible. For whatever reason I have always been introspective, reflective, questioning and some say courageous. I have chosen to leave secure jobs, cities, relationships when I become aware they are not meeting my needs, values, ideals… It’s often been lonely and I’ve been told I am self absorbed, too intense, too idealistic etc etc … I was also genetically gifted with an intellect and conditioned to look after myself. I am confident that no matter how little I have I will be ok. I’ve faced imminent death, disintegrated and retreated solo into the outback for months, on a personal journey, meditating, spending time with elders and returned even MORE reflective, clear sighted into this world of ideas and triviality and greed and renovations and people just getting on and doing what is expected of them, succeeding, or failing, trying to survive and without the inclination or ability or time or consciousness to consider anything more than what appears in front of them, anything more than what is affecting them right now…. And a LOT is affecting us all right now… this community recognises the root cause of our escalating and accumulating challenges… others can’t see beyond what they need to do to get by. I regard myself as very very lucky to have been gifted my genetic disposition and intellect… others have different inheritances and structural supports or barriers… is it my place to attempt to show people that what they see or think is not the complete picture, to burst their world, create in their mind the already shimmering fear they have about their lives, worth, choices? I worry that I come across as smug, arrogant, superior but I also know my warmth and openness and relatability break down barriers. I can talk to anyone… but not about what I see, think, feel… bc it is exactly those things that separate me… so I guess I resolve it by being a much better listener, empathising, connecting as much as I can… valuing the other as an equal and relating to them as they are, where they are… which, still, leaves me often lonely but also forces me to find my islands of sanity like here, other likeminded people (few) and my little garden with butterflies and birds and bees… I am finding these opportunities for connecting and reflecting in this forum so helpful… thank you. With love.
I have something to share in case it helps anyone navigating their own social circle/relationships when you are the only one seemingly collapse-aware.
I recently travelled with a friend and my selection of ‘Living Hot’ by Clive Hamilton and George Wilkenfeld at the airport bookshop was enough to tell me my friend was triggered by even this small harmless action. I was eager to read it after hearing Clive on the Wild podcast. I almost wished I had been Tom Hazard out of the novel ‘How to Stop Time’ and left the damn thing on the shelf. But I can’t deny truth and my curiosity and eagerness to be a better human and care for the Earth, so I bought it and read it on the plane. It is an excellent must-read and this is basically all I uttered to my friend as I delved into the book. I was later told on the trip to “be more positive”. The book contents had impacted my energy naturally into a reflective and despairing mode for a while. So the book got put aside until the return plane trip.
On our way home I had to drive in bad traffic while my friend let her techno-optimism viewpoints on AI and the future bubble up into our conversation. My friend pointedly said “you need to hear my points on AI” and when my softer responses on AI’s heavy dependence on electricity and water were ignored, I realised I was in a similar situation to the “BBQ conversations” Sarah has mentioned here in her chapters. I guess in that moment I was also recalling other instances this year I have experienced colleagues etc becoming more aggressive and steadfast in their cognitive dissonance- to the point they may not be humbled or awakened by reason or truth. It was that point that I felt a scary concern acknowledging the fact that not everyone will be ready when crisis and collapse hits. I continued to drive steady all the way home despite feeling heavy that my authenticity has never been enough for my ‘normal’ friends, family, and colleagues who are all not collapse-aware and barely aware of climate change. And despite my hurt in often being alone in my existentialism and all the friends who have faded out of my life, I feel the privilege of working in local government in circular economy as a Gen Z who is collapse-aware at this point in time. I am realising that you just have to keep following your heart, loving, forgiving and accepting no matter what. Even though it’s difficult when you are met with such retaliation. This chapter gave me further clarity on where to focus my attention, thank you Sarah. Radical acceptance makes sense. Unity and collective individuation makes sense. Fostering healing and resilience in bioregions/communities makes sense.
Your interview with Clive hit me with tears, I have known of the lead up to the poly-crisis since the 70's with my activist parents, my work of 30 yrs is pushing for just transition, I have always had a juggernaut of calm resilience inside my heart space, until Clive. The weeping circuit break I needed. Thank you both xos
I never say anything because I freeze I think. Or chicken out maybe? Or have no idea what to say, still getting my head around my own language around collapse. But, more and more people are asking me why I’ve changed how I respond to things, spend my money , have downsized etc. Others are bringing my choices up in conversation. I never bring it up. The young Optus guy asked me why my phone is on greyscale, which led to a great conversation .
I’m a huge supporter and admirer of Sarah. To anyone struggling with this crisis I implore you to read ‘Not the end of the world’ by Hannah Ritchie. Read all of it , not dismiss it out of hand because her narrative is different to Sarah’s. There is a lot of talk about being kind , respectful and loving to different points of views which sometimes is not evidenced by actions. I feel reading the data and points raised in her book with a genuinely open mind might help many who are struggling with collapse. Please take this in the spirit in which it is offered. This is not a vote for inaction or denial - it’s simply a nudge towards a different analysis of the data and possibilities. It is also not a binary thing. Hannah and Sarah are on the same side - both passionately committed to a better future for all. Nigel
Hi Nigel, I haven't read Hannah's book, but your post reminds me a lot of Tim Hollo's book, "Living Democracy: the end of the world as we know it" which is socio-political take on our current times - it too explores incredible grassroots, community-led initiatives that are already taking place in the knowledge that in order to move to a new system, we need to midwife the new one while we hospice the old one. Again, all very congruent with where Sarah is heading in this book. The thing I love about Sarah's is that it is a brutally personal journey while checking in with leading thinkers on the science, the politics and the sociological aspects of collapse.
Thanks Nigel. As you know, I tried to have Hannah on Wild and she declined. I'd love to see her talk with someone who questions the skew or her statistics.
Yes I am too finding myself looking at everyday things/conversations/decisions/purchases through a collapse lens. It’s all a bit scary and lonely but also very quickly puts things into perspective and highlights what is actually important and precious.
One thing I am finding from reading these chapters is that it simply puts into words how I have been feeling and viewing the world for years but didn’t really know how to make sense of my feelings. Kind of like a “aha! That’s it’s!” Kind of feeling.
Keep up the good work Sarah. It’s confronting but also a breath of fresh air all at the same time somehow x
Thank you for this Chapter of gems Sarah. Yes - Be the change we want to see in this world. - and "frantically, furiously rallying others is not the answer." As parents at some stage we learn that cajoling and convincing does not work well, and what sits well with this line of thought is the airplane oxygen mask theory. Acceptance and non judgment is important and what better way of getting others involved if they come from their own true essence of wanting change, peace etc. There's as assumption at times that we know better and we are the only ones that can fix things. “Peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others, but by simply accepting them as they are. True acceptance is always without demands and expectations.”
I have just binged all the chapters of the book in one sitting. I had been listening week by week, dipping in and out, re-listening to some chapters, actively avoiding others (who would have thought, my processing of collapse would not be linear!) but I had this urge to put it all together in one go. And oh my god I needed it. It has been a balm for my soul (and I recommend to others who are finding it hard to hold all the parts at once). So much to say but I have to run to pick up children, but had to leave a note to say thank you. I think this book is everything you wanted to be with its clear descriptions and explanations - presented with such love and wisdom. Thank you for all your work and for being so generous with it xx
I like this idea Kylie… going back to chapter one and reading or listening to it all again. It’s been a lot! Challenging and complex and compassionate… all the C’s.
“It’s hard to hold this information in our souls while sitting next to someone on the couch laughing at a TikTok meme.” I don’t have this experience. There’s something about collapse awareness that makes the full spectrum of the ridiculous chaos that we call normal somehow weirdly magic. This flash in geological time of human creativity amped by ancient sunlight and technology creating such beauty and nightmares and silliness right next door to each other. It leaves me feeling a grateful kind of awe that I get to witness any of it, and perhaps why I can even admit fondness for Belconnen Mall! Xo
In my work, we call this non-anxious loving presence for others “holding space” for a person/s. There is sometimes something very powerful about simply witnessing another’s humanity and providing acceptance and safety for that person to be human in all our messiness. In a way it strikes me that this vocation to presence and incarnation to which some feel called is a kind of holding vigil with our own selfhood for humanity. It’s beautiful, hard, messy work. Edited to add that it makes me reflect on the connection between witnessing another's humanity by sitting with them in their experience of frailty, longing, and greif, as they are confronted by things that are overwhelming, and the practice of with-ness. At it's heart it is reflecting back to someone their inherent worth in the midst of their vulnerability. I hope that makes sense.
I'm an Anglican minister, but I am on a medical leave for a few months due to a post viral neurological issue. My work, though, isn't typically institutional in the sense that I've never comprehended it as a role that defends orthodoxy or to teach people about the "right" way to live, but as a vocation to relationship and to walk with people in their suffering, and to listen deeply. It is about assisting people in discovering and experiencing their beloved-ness in God's eyes and to support them in cultivating a rich spirituality, because even though life is beautiful, it's also effing hard. I actually think that we're at point in history where the church as we know it needs to crumble and die in order to rediscover what it is about and who it is for.
I'm not sure whether the neurological condition I have is temporary or permanent, though, and if it's permanent, I need to pivot professionally. I'm thinking about mediation. That's probably more of an answer than you needed, lol!
Oh Madeleine! I wish you had been my Anglican minister as a child! I'm sending you some good energy and wish that your neurological condition resolves quickly. If not, I love that you are ready and open to pivot to what serves you and those you serve.
To walk with people in their suffering and to listen deeply...what a beautiful offering you provide. From what I’ve read of your comments, I have no doubt you will find a way to embrace and pivot if needed in response to your neurological condition. Thank you for your beautiful words. Take care. Sending love. ✨
I work as a Montessori teacher and I also dance. I’ve married my two passions and created a service called Montessori Dance through which I offer workshops for both children and educators to bring creative dance into children’s lives.
Like what you said about the church needing to crumble to rediscover what it is about and who it’s for, I think the same about the education system. It’s lost it’s ways and in many countries it is not serving the children, the teachers nor the parents.
Listen to the dull and ignorant, they too have their story... You are a child of the universe and the world is unfolding as it should... Strive to be happy..."
I am in Australia, camped near Armidale NSW in a van and am working on writing the hardest introduction ever to my now 20 year long project to address what I now call Earth System Destruction as an ostracised pariah.
I could see that desertification would interact with global warming and accelerate both processes in early 2004, I was sick of the rat race by then and was considering going bush for a quiet short life but I knew it would all burn.
So I wrote to the premier of NSW, got a patronising reply, met my local state MP who was very unhelpful, corrupt as it turned out.
So I enrolled in the 4 year full time bachelor of Natural Resources Degree at 39 yo to study and check my understanding and develop ideas that had occurred to me, I am a practical engineer, Boilermaker, Jack of all trades and had watched landscapes being cleared and degrading.
Graduated in 2010 with first class honors for my thesis "Developing an integrated renewable energy and water supply and carbon management system for Australia as an alternative to fossil fuelled systems"
I can send a Dropbox link if it works here.
I was driven by nightmares of the fires that happened in 2019.
My system would have provided 150% of my projected water demand in 2020, lots of details.
And would have facilitated the restoration of Ecohydrological cycles and "Air conditioned Australia " as the late great John Kaye, NSW Greens MLC put it, only he and Tony Windsor, the former federal MP for New England engaged with my work, I missed my first day of Orientation week at UNE to meet him and discuss the problems.
After I had no success in engaging anyone or institution with my project I designed and negotiated a PhD to intercept nutrients plus CO2 in wastewater ponds for return to soils which was the only "black box" in the system summarised in my profile flowchart image.
It's last working title was "Monitoring and manipulating freshwater microalgae ecosystems to facilitate Ecologically Responsible Geoengineering and address major aspects of Anthropogenic Climate Change".
But the government changed just after I started and my corrupted university (on the record) became hostile.
I did all of the core work of a triple sized "PhD Innovation" stretched to encompass a multistage plankton size grading/concentrating/ harvesting apparatus I designed, constructed and successfully tested and wrote up and handed in.
But could not do a box ticking introduction in the morass of denial I was in and worked despite that.
Destroyed all my relationships and had to go bush after the fires and nasty things happened, before and after I went bush to finish my ~32 literature review topics needed to complete my utilitarian whole Earth/human System understanding, but never really understood people.
I was diagnosed with Autism about 3 years ago.
I now have a utilitarian understanding of the way modern people are dehumanised and divided to make us subject to the state in our structurally unjust, patriarchal system of exploitation.
Not encouraging..
But I am working on the 84th version of an introduction now that identifies and attempts to dismantle the egos that confine minds.
The title of what must now be a book is " How to Restore the Quality of Our Environment, or how to salvage a viable, survivable biosphere".
After the 1965 " Restoring the Quality of Our Environment" report, my birthyear present perhaps, it clearly covered all the major problems with very clear dire warnings about the enhanced greenhouse effect.
But much of my time is consumed by survival chores, I exhausted all my resources years ago but still have a lot of tools and my microalgae apparatus.
I may as well complete my "project report" even though I doubt people will wake up as they seem unfazed by the atrocities occurring in the crucible of civilisation where this civilisation has its destructive 12,000 year old roots.
Yes ~84 attempts is an estimate, I did about 30 formal attempts then started losing it.
I had handed in the core work, I monitored 3 town sewage oxidation pond systems for 14 months, Armidale, Walcha and Guyra, 3 ponds in the first two towns, Walcha only had one, on 28 day intervals, identified and measured ~130,000 microalgae, 158 species, discarded 50 species because of very low numbers, did Waterbury too but did not process that data because I had to build my filter.
When I encountered an inverse graphic biomass pyramid in most of the ponds - most of the time my originally proposed tub experiments would have been impossible due to low density of microalgae which reproduces rapidly but was being eaten by copepods etc.
They had become hostile and wanted to write me down to a Masters but I stretched it to a "PhD Innovation" and built my apparatus where I was living.
I yelled at the pro vice chancellor industrial relations when for the second time his eyes went blank halfway through me telling him the title of my PhD - he also went blank and said "long title" when I told him my honors thesis title.
One trick wonders in denial, and I was alone with my very clear understanding, I can model complex systems in my head which makes me try to avoid dreaming.
And I did not understand the emotional and cognitive limitations of most people.
I worked from home after yelling at the PVC industrial relations - a poultry expert.
And was treated with hostility by everyone.
So after I finished my ~32 literature review topics while in the bush I kept trying to introduce my massive project but had to address the elephant in the room all the academics and most other people were stuck inside.
And I was just accessing journal articles and reports and trying to understand why people were so thick or simply monsters.
I was alone in the bush by then, some close relatives tried to exploit me to erect a fence they had conned out of a wildlife charity so they could flog their block off to the highest bidder and have me commuted I suppose, I was stranded there at the top of blue mountain gorge over winter 2020, still researching and trying to engage people.
I had upset billionaires and monsters moved in across the creek where I used to live and murdered about 300 kangaroos my ex and I had fed through the drought and left 7 grievously wounded that I had to kill.
I tried to stop them, built a better 250 metre long fence then went bush after I had finished testing my filter, we had raised some of the kangaroos.
I was stuffed around by 4 different people while looking for a place to work away from people.
Now I am camped on a property near where I used to live, trying to avoid transactional enslavement by my host by doing work for nothing for my keep, I cost him nothing and am restoring a 113 year old shearing shed and doing maintenance on fences and decaying infrastructure but mostly caring for country and clearing fire hazards from habitat trees.
The fury and despair and all else in my mind are impossible to describe.
So it takes a while to get my head together some days.
My book needs several introductions - first to smash the egos and try to release minds, then an outline of my 20 year project, then "the evolution of our climate system" I have been giving drafts of that away for nearly 3 years now, then how addressing all the diverse damages coherently can leverage restorative results far greater than the sum of their parts and much faster than flat Earth spectators can imagine, apparently.
Then I will use one of my formal introductions before my PhD core chapters.
I only needed 5 literature review topics for my core PhD work.
But I did not want to submit " pearls before swine" when the swine are a major part of the problem so I must point that out up front.
My purpose is to solve a complex problem, whatever it takes our Earth is more important to me than myself, but I am only human.
My first coffee of the day has gone cold now.
I best wake up a bit more.
I might start putting some of my work on substack, I got the app yesterday when I decided to follow you.
I recall a chat a with you Bob a few years ago on Facebook I think it was. I recall getting a bit lost with your engineering ideas as my brain is not built that way. I live in southern Queensland these days and occasionally have to drive to Sydney so perhaps we'll bump into each other round Armidale. Cheers
It is a bit complicated to understand human infrastructure reformed to have beneficial environmental impacts and I have been working on how to explain that more clearly.
Even though our Earth System is in a very bad state and our leaders are worse than useless and it looks like the terminator movies might become a widespread reality, I might as well try to get my "Earth System Restoration" ideas out there.
I must get this app on my computer, and become familiar with it, the mobile signal is poor here but I am not far out of Armidale and perhaps we can catch up one day if you have a break from driving in Armidale.
It is a shame that warmongers seem to be running things and it seems like the majority do not care.
Most people prefer simple happy stories to facing reality.
SARAH - that was the sage line my brain needed - “you don’t have to”. I honestly felt a wave come over me (with a little internal ‘oh yeah - d’uh’). Being the calm island is a badge I can wear!
The podcast episode with Meg was the first of yours I ever listened to and I remember crying in the bath while listening to it, with a sense of both deep sadness and a kind of relieved acceptance. At the age of eighteen I dived headfirst into climate activism with the sense that the world was at a massive turning point. Looking back, threaded through the subtext of every moment of this work was the knowledge that so much change needed to happen combined with the messaging I received that it was the responsibility of every person (myself in particular of course) to "do our bit" or the world would end. And though I know that that urgency and sense that each individual can have enormous rippling impacts was meant to be empowering, I can definitely see now that it was actually crippling for me and led to an eventual burnout that lasted for years. I put in tens of hours every week to leadership roles in a floundering youth climate organisation, and each time we lost a campaign or a protest got a less-than-optimal turnout I was crushed by the feeling that I was failing in my responsibility to be the one person to fix everything.
This year, alongside working on my PhD I taught my first ever university course. The class? "Climate Change". While teaching this course, I was progressively listening to more episodes of Wild and the steadily released chapters of the Serialisation project. In the first week of classes, we talked about pathways to influencing change. I split the group up into discussions of transformational, reformist and alternative approaches. Many of the students regarded transformational approaches like protests and non-violent direct action as "too radical" or "too controversial". When talking with the struggling group discussing alternatives, I suggested that it wouldn't take as much as we think for ideas that might now seem radical to become realities. Alternative ways of living that might be more connected with local communities or based on moneyless societies. Societal shifts at the scale of collapse (which, I reminded them, had happened to every society prior to the current one - why should ours be any different?). The group looked at me as if I was completely insane. It reminded me of the quote that 'It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism'.
In the second tutorial of the course, the structure I was given by the course lecturer for the class was a discussion in which the students were seperated into two groups - one discussing the pro's and con's of retaining a target for global temperature increase of 1.5C, and the other discussing a target of 2C. Midway through the class I introduced the discussion point (not included in the notes provided by the lecturer but an addition of my own) that we have actually already passed 1.5, and the room fell silent.
One student was particularly vocal. I think they were roughly my age actually (28), but in the way they spoke about the issue I saw so much of the urgency and black-and-white passion that I had had when first getting involved with climate activism. They spoke about how any increase above 1.5C was totally unacceptable - an apocalypse world. That we all had to be putting all our energy into reducing emissions and that was all there was to it. That there was still time. It was critical. That it was our responsibility to the world and to future generations to stop everything else and drawdown carbon. I tried to introduce the idea that it wasn't so black-and-white. That there were important things to consider beyond just (or alongside) reducing emissions, and that (holding back my own opinions about how possible a 1.5 or 2C world are) the values and narratives that guide us into this future world might actually be more important than how quickly we are able to reduce our emissions. And that the responsibility for fixing everything by some urgently approaching deadline shouldn't be shouldered by any of us as individuals (if at all). I could feel this idea being quickly dismissed.
The next week in class, that same student came up to apologise for being so passionate and dogmatic in their debate with me the past week. We had a brief conversation about it and I tried to gently reiterate my points, but in their eyes I could see a total dismissal of their poor, misguided tutor and her unambitious opinions. It hurt my heart so much. I could see the same emotionally draining, hyperactive urgency for action in this student as I knew I'd had when I first got involved with activism. I admired their passion, but I also had such a strong urge to hug them and say something comforting that might miraculously inspire them to take all the weight of responsibility off their shoulders. But if there was something I could have said, I didn't know what it was. So I said nothing.
Over this year, enveloping myself more and more in narratives of collapse and what that means for the way I go on living my life, I feel so so isolated. My closest friends look at me with a slightly concerned scepticism. Dates (I've now learned this is at least a 10th date kind of revelation to give about myself if ever) look at me like a bemusing curiosity to investigate or an insane person to escape from. Even the lecturer of this course, my PhD supervisor, gives me the kind of stern "settle down now" expression you might give an over-eager child when I introduce discussions of whether the course could perhaps incorporate a slightly more realistic take on where the climate is headed and what kinds of actions and ideas it should be encouraging in its students as a result.
Though this is my first time actually posting anything here, I've been reading each of these posts the day they come out and every time I tear up a little. I so deeply identify with what you say Sarah, it's not easy going back out into the world once you've started thinking about these things. It's hard to know when someone might be receptive and when (more often than not) you might just have to try and bite your tongue and blend in, like you said your discussion with Meg. I do struggle as well really trying not to convey or feel any sense of condescension or superiority whenever I am thinking or talking about the reality of collapse.... it's so hard when instinctively all I want to do sometimes is shake people. But I feel really held in the space you've made here so thank you so much.
Oh Kahlia, Thank goodness for you.
I have so much to say and I'm reflecting.
I just interviewed Christiana Figueres yesterday ...I'm processing this, too, with a similar loneliness.
Can I be of help in any way? I'm happy to offer to do a zoom chat with the group...or give free subscriptions to anyone keen to learn more? I don't want to presume they'd want to hear from me...but in case it could help.
Thanks Sarah, I really appreciate you offering. I'll pass it along if any of them seem like they might be curious, but I'm not sure if many or any of them seem like they would be in a place to be receptive to the kinds of discussion you have here and in your podcast. I think for all the students I've really gotten a sense from they still very much have that black-and-white thinking... there are two options, an acceptable, liveable world of below 2C and a dystopian hellscape. So I think for a lot of them any perspective that isn't optimism and hope for this <2C world is a vision of total despair that they immediately shut off to. I'll go on planting little seeds, and wherever I feel like there's an opportunity to guide them towards this kind of community I want to try to. It feels like that's not enough a lot of the time, but you can't force people to suddenly be open to an idea, it's such a gradual process and I suppose that's something I just have to learnt to be ok with. I think the perspective of looking at people and societies and seeing it as all just so beautiful, imperfectly, heart-achingly human is one that really helps me in these moments. We're all just bumbling through, trying to make sense of everything. It helps me to reframe the frustration when I find myself wishing people I encounter were more open to less comfortable perspectives.
I was thinking of your post from October first where you articulate your context and your experience of loneliness and helplessness. Your honesty made such a huge impression on me. I realize that my comments are unsolicited, and please know that I say this from the perspective of someone who only knows your situation from the outside and from what my imagination pieces together from what you've described (and from my experience reaching middle age after almost two decades of teaching in my own profession). I guess that I can't help but think that when we engage in this work of information sharing or of engaging in conversations with others about the soul shaking realities of our circumstances, we are engaging in something far, far bigger than ourselves. I really trust that the folks you are teaching and in whom you are planting seeds will perhaps encounter someone who will water those seeds, and another who cultivates and tends. And that there will be growth and learning and maybe even action in a way that individual can truly encounter it in their own thinking and in the context of their own life. But right now, it can feel as though we are doing so little. I can hear how much you want to give, and I hope so much that you have the opportunity to pour your heart authentically and transparently into your role as an educator soon.
Madeleine, that is a gorgeous message.
Thank you Madeleine, your responses to me posting this along with everyone elses have made me feel really heard and I appreciate that a lot. I agree as well that you do have to find a way to keep planting those seeds with the belief that your contribution to that person's journey is just a drop in an ocean you'll never be able to truly see the impact of... I think so much of being able to build that outlook for me is trying to be less attached to outcomes and see more of the reward in the process itself, which definitely feels like something that Sarah has talked about before. That idea that regardless of how things turn out, regardless of whether my students ever become more open to the ideas I'm encouraging and regardless of whatever happens in 100 years time with the climate, that we lived our values and connected with those around us and found joy in it. Easier said than done, but a goal well worth aspiring to!
yes - and Kahlia 'a drop in the ocean' can be substituted for 'a light in the dark'... Even while it may not be seen unless it happens right in front of us, that light is powerful.
So true. It’s really, really hard work. May moments of deep joy be yours.
Looking forward to that interview!
I just want to say that your tears and all of yourself that you are putting into teaching matter, Kahlia. The work with your intellect and the hard work of empathy that you are engaging in with putting your heart so much into your teaching matter. You are bringing presence into the classroom, and planting seeds that will take root. Thank you for posting your thoughts and experiences and being vulnerable. I’m so glad you feel held among what you encounter in Sarah's chapters, and people posting. May you know healing tenderness in your soul and heart as you move forward in your work and in your journey as an educator. I could feel your tiredness and sense of helplessness in your words, and I would like to say that the honesty communicated through the presence you must bring into your classroom might be as meaningful to students as what you have say. May you have more of the spaces and places you need to experience “with-ness” of people who also hunger and long for truth telling, and experience the blessing of having who you are and where you are at in your thinking and practice acknowledged and generously received.
Yes, I felt the calm, wise ...weariness, too.
Kahlia, such a poignant story. It must be so hard to be an academic or teacher at the moment. A friend teaches politics here in Australia and the students equally resistant to being challenged about the status quo, to consider the possibility that our political system is supporting our collapse,is anything other than democratic… She despairs too… I wonder if it’s too painful for these young students to discuss or think about bc they’re holding themselves together with such thin threads? I thought universities were designed to provoke thought and innovation… but hers at least seems intent on supporting the government of the day … funding is at stake…My friend was given a warning… please take heart from those here and beyond who a face the same lonely struggle. I’m finding this community a blessing.
Kahlia, so much in this comment, thank you for sharing. I too have been through the burnout phase and am having to find new and different ways of doing things. I love "the values and narratives that guide us into this future world might actually be more important than how quickly we are able to reduce our emissions." It seems like the values and narrative that created the problem prevent many of us from seeing the issues with the "solutions" - I know I had the god like egocentricity of "this is my job to fix", the delusions of our blinkered individualist, reductionist selves. It is a journey to get through to the other side through - I think it has been 15 years in the making for me and I will likely never get to a destination! Each new level of understanding opens the next one up! Glad to meet you here and read your reflections. xo
I feel like you have written this for/about me!
"that urgency and sense that each individual can have enormous rippling impacts was meant to be empowering, I can definitely see now that it was actually crippling for me and led to an eventual burnout that lasted for years. I put in tens of hours every week to leadership roles in a floundering youth climate organisation, and each time we lost a campaign or a protest got a less-than-optimal turnout I was crushed by the feeling that I was failing in my responsibility to be the one person to fix everything."
This describes the past 5-10 years of my life and I am coming to the realisation that I have in so many ways crushed the enjoyment from my own life in my attempts to be a waste warrior, climate journalist, eco mum and all the rest of it. And I have no idea how to change, how or whether it is ethical to withdraw from any of this work, and what the future holds.
But I too am grateful for this space. Thanks for your comment.
I relate to so many of the things you’ve written here. Especially,
“it's not easy going back out into the world once you've started thinking about these things”
X
I don’t know how else to say it, but out on the Canadian prairies here there’s a golden quality to the sunlight that comes to us slanted through the clouds and through the crimson and gold leaves. The size of the sky out here has to be seen to be believed. It’s all bittersweet and painfully beautiful at the same time, moreso because of the cold and the dark that are soon coming. I am reminded that the sun follows its arc through the sky, not worried or doing work that is not the sun’s to do. The moon follows and knows that its work is to reflect this light back. I take great comfort in this. What animates the seeds that are now buried but will grow; what animates the trees as they stand sleeping; what animates the geese to take wing and fly south in formation is present to me. The spirit of the land tenderly holds me. It reminds me to breathe, to pray that (I quote verbatim the wonderful Jen Willhoite here) “When I cannot say all is well, or all is known, help me say all is held, so I never believe all is lost”.
So needed to read that Madeleine
Makes me think of little house on the prairie...
I lived on a farm and growing up id run down our sparse hills envisaging i was a kid on that show...ha!
I wanted to live like that
(And still do)
I LOVE CANADA
And canadians.
I fortuitously spend oct 2, 2017, my birthday in the Rocky Mountians
I carry a piece of JASPER to this day...
LAKE LOUISE WAS the MOST spectacular place i have EVER been
Magical. Exquisite. All the things!
I dunked my head in the river at the rockies and actually could NOT speak for quite a while.
Mouth was frozen.
My friend thought i was nuts; getting my head wet is a grouding and wake up thing for me..
The weather literally changed 25 degrees celcius in 5 minutes whilst at lake louise...
Incredible
I love canada but was too old to get a work visa and stay; stupid bl..dy rules..
It IS very cold though. In the minus 30s, and the black ice thing is dangerous..
I didnt see a lot other than Red Deer, quite a struggling industrial place. My friend was struggling and she has since moved to Calgary...
But for me was still interesting and exciting...new places are..
Squirrels, bears, hikes. I LOVE ALL THAT..
( thankfully didnt see a bear ) ironic candians think we have dangerous animals..snakes sharks crocs...but you have bears!!
The houses were strangely ALL THE SAME, in size and structure, side by side...
canadians always asked me what i thought of Trump..they disliked Trump w a vengeance
Anyway, popped in to say
I LOVE WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT NATURE
The SUN, moon and things that matter
THE CHANGES, and the god presence still exists amidst our grief
we. I. Feel so disconnected from humans
And even nature.
I AM a nature girl.
if u have land right now, you are one blessed human being
Also further on i read about your neurological condition.sorry to hear!
I hope you can find some support. A craniosacral therapist ( osteopath, upledger trained ) may help
Not sure of your age but w peri and menopause our bodies do strange things w the rapid drop in oesteogen, so maybe blood tests could help...
Also burnout ( giving too much as a chaplain, maybe )
Dr Gabor Mate reports 80 percent of autoimmund diseases occur in women..
Also fibromyalgia and many other disorders mistakingly get diagnosed when it is ACTUALLY HORMONES..
Worth a check
Dr Louise Newson
Hormone specialist, menopause doctor, Sarah interviewed a while back touches on all this.
Also Sarah, have you seen the latest witch hunt on Dr Newson apparently BBC tried to discredit her clinics and her work..
Moloch. No doubt a man.
Hope you are ok.
Thanks , love to all
Struggling big w meno.
And intolerance and shit body changes.
Love to all.
Have no home base. X
Belated happy birthday Anna
THANKYOU SARAH. XO
Thank you for this. Love to you amidst all the Things.
That is stunning Madeleine. Where in Canada are you?
The Jen Willhoite quote reminds me a little of the Haval and Jonathan Lear quotes at the top of the book...
I'm in Alberta. Our current provincial government is led by right wing extremists that are doing everything they can to open the eastern slopes of our Rocky Mountains to Australian coal mining companies, even though they've been told no by provincial and federal courts three times. There are already operations set up for it in southern Alberta. We're a 3.5 hour drive away from Jasper National Park, which was razed about 1/3 to the ground by forest fires this summer. My friend lost her house. The advocacy and political activism required here is exhausting, but honestly the beauty of the spirit of the land here is profound. It really does hold a person. There's an immanence and transcendence a person feels here on the prairies and in the foothills, and a healing kind of insignificance one can feel in the Rockies.
Oh lord...Australian companies...
I was looking to head your way to hike with an Indigenous guide for a new project...If I do, I will reach out. How far are you from Banff?
We are a beautiful 4ish hours drive from Banff. Closer to Jasper but the drive to Banff is easy from here. It is so, so, beautiful, Sarah. There are no words for the glory of it, and Jasper, and Yoho, etc.
I’m so sad to read this about the Rockies. I went there when I was a teenager and being from such a flat place as Australia, the scale of those mountains blew me away. Genuine awe and wonderment. To think that they’re under threat so we can kick the can down the road a little bit longer with the fossil fuel ‘dream’ is just so so sad, but symptomatic of everything that’s so wrong with the current state of things I guess. But it’s also in a nutshell what this is all about - soaking up those moments of wonder and awe despite it all. Focusing on them but also being acutely aware of the dark side of it all. Thankyou for sharing and for reminding me of the beautiful place you live, which affected me so profoundly so long ago x
This is powerful and beautiful Madeleine. Taking cues from the sun yes!
Beautiful. The innate intelligence of life.
Yes! A person just can't help but feel gratitude and feel blessed in response to feeling that intelligence that is so much bigger than us, and yet grants us insight into its presence here, too. Goodness and the best we can offer as humans is called out of us as a response.
Yes, gratitude and awe! 💖
Madeleine, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing ❤️ I have found it deeply thought provoking and will sit with the idea of doing the work I am meant for and letting others do the work they are meant for.
That is such a beautiful image Madeleine. Thank you for sharing it. And I love the quote by Jen Willhoite ) “When I cannot say all is well, or all is known, help me say all is held, so I never believe all is lost”. 🙏
Jen's work is amazing. I find myself saying those words in my thoughts regularly.
Dear Sarah, thank you for this post and all the previous ones. I'm back in the classroom and have not been able to comment as much lately. Thank you for the shout out and, indeed, I listen to the audio recordings and appreciate it greatly as I'm not a huge fan of reading large chunks of text on the screen.
A few things popped into mind as I listened to your latest chapter. I have felt lonely too and still do at times but I've come to settle in a place where I'm okay with not talking about it with some of my closest friends. They have young children and their lives are full with daily life stuff and they seem to be in a place where they just need to focus on what is in their immediate daily experience. And this is more than fine, they are doing their life. I come back to my context of not having children and I see that I have the time and space to read, listen, learn, process and engage (within my capacity) with the metacrisis we face and I'm somewhat at peace with it. I'm not saying that people with children can't or don't engage with it. There are plenty who do, as we have seen in your community here. I did a parent education session recently at the school I work and the Q and A that followed unexpectedly went into the metacrisis field and we had a very rich discussion.
I recall our mutual connection, Tim, saying that we are not all here to learn the same lessons. And I also think that whatever lessons we are each here to learn, the learnings will come in their own time. I also remember Tim saying that we can't force change onto people and that people only change through inspiration. I think about this a lot. Perhaps what you say about being islands of calm when the shit hits the fans is like being the inspiration? It is not for me to teach the lessons...I stay in my lane doing my work and if others want to join or feel inspired, great. That's kind of where I'm at. It could change...
Thank you for all that you do! xx
Thank you Kei...Tim also said there are worlds within worlds. I think many of my perspectives around this subject probably stem from his influence (he had to sometimes bludgeon me with the message!).
Childless women...a lot of us are rising up to this subject - I think it could be The Time of Aunts!
Tim's wise words continue to guide us! Worlds within worlds...yes. And yes to The Time of Aunts! I feel really settled and at peace with being an Aunt/ what I like to call Big Mothering. xx
Nice - Big Mothering...a wide embrace
Yep! A wide embrace. 🥰🥰🥰
We probably need to have some conversations about the school system, how this plays a role in collapse & perhaps how change can happen….
I've looked into getting Zak Stein on Wild
I would love to have those conversations!
Absolutely!
Oh and yes to LOVE! Live with love and share it widely. xx
Beautiful post Kei x
🥰
"can't force change onto people and that people only change through inspiration" - brilliantly wise advice. xo
Thanks as always Sarah. Your comment, “one must check one’s smugness! I’m aware that declaring from on high that some (lesser) people are just not ready for something as big and important as collapse is possibly very arrogant and separating” is one I ponder often. It is indeed separating and I remember a conversation I had with a Snr exec a few years ago that his (our) responsibility/challenge was to value everyone equally, knowing that we were all different, with different strengths, capabilities, circumstances etc. He could not get his head around it and ultimately disagreed it was possible. For whatever reason I have always been introspective, reflective, questioning and some say courageous. I have chosen to leave secure jobs, cities, relationships when I become aware they are not meeting my needs, values, ideals… It’s often been lonely and I’ve been told I am self absorbed, too intense, too idealistic etc etc … I was also genetically gifted with an intellect and conditioned to look after myself. I am confident that no matter how little I have I will be ok. I’ve faced imminent death, disintegrated and retreated solo into the outback for months, on a personal journey, meditating, spending time with elders and returned even MORE reflective, clear sighted into this world of ideas and triviality and greed and renovations and people just getting on and doing what is expected of them, succeeding, or failing, trying to survive and without the inclination or ability or time or consciousness to consider anything more than what appears in front of them, anything more than what is affecting them right now…. And a LOT is affecting us all right now… this community recognises the root cause of our escalating and accumulating challenges… others can’t see beyond what they need to do to get by. I regard myself as very very lucky to have been gifted my genetic disposition and intellect… others have different inheritances and structural supports or barriers… is it my place to attempt to show people that what they see or think is not the complete picture, to burst their world, create in their mind the already shimmering fear they have about their lives, worth, choices? I worry that I come across as smug, arrogant, superior but I also know my warmth and openness and relatability break down barriers. I can talk to anyone… but not about what I see, think, feel… bc it is exactly those things that separate me… so I guess I resolve it by being a much better listener, empathising, connecting as much as I can… valuing the other as an equal and relating to them as they are, where they are… which, still, leaves me often lonely but also forces me to find my islands of sanity like here, other likeminded people (few) and my little garden with butterflies and birds and bees… I am finding these opportunities for connecting and reflecting in this forum so helpful… thank you. With love.
Your reflective powers are palpable.
This line - I am confident that no matter how little I have I will be ok.
... I have the same confidence, and I think it, too, comes from facing death in a few different ways in the past.
Thanks for being here and sharing your considered thoughts.
Hi Wild community,
On the Chapter ‘This is not for everyone’-
I have something to share in case it helps anyone navigating their own social circle/relationships when you are the only one seemingly collapse-aware.
I recently travelled with a friend and my selection of ‘Living Hot’ by Clive Hamilton and George Wilkenfeld at the airport bookshop was enough to tell me my friend was triggered by even this small harmless action. I was eager to read it after hearing Clive on the Wild podcast. I almost wished I had been Tom Hazard out of the novel ‘How to Stop Time’ and left the damn thing on the shelf. But I can’t deny truth and my curiosity and eagerness to be a better human and care for the Earth, so I bought it and read it on the plane. It is an excellent must-read and this is basically all I uttered to my friend as I delved into the book. I was later told on the trip to “be more positive”. The book contents had impacted my energy naturally into a reflective and despairing mode for a while. So the book got put aside until the return plane trip.
On our way home I had to drive in bad traffic while my friend let her techno-optimism viewpoints on AI and the future bubble up into our conversation. My friend pointedly said “you need to hear my points on AI” and when my softer responses on AI’s heavy dependence on electricity and water were ignored, I realised I was in a similar situation to the “BBQ conversations” Sarah has mentioned here in her chapters. I guess in that moment I was also recalling other instances this year I have experienced colleagues etc becoming more aggressive and steadfast in their cognitive dissonance- to the point they may not be humbled or awakened by reason or truth. It was that point that I felt a scary concern acknowledging the fact that not everyone will be ready when crisis and collapse hits. I continued to drive steady all the way home despite feeling heavy that my authenticity has never been enough for my ‘normal’ friends, family, and colleagues who are all not collapse-aware and barely aware of climate change. And despite my hurt in often being alone in my existentialism and all the friends who have faded out of my life, I feel the privilege of working in local government in circular economy as a Gen Z who is collapse-aware at this point in time. I am realising that you just have to keep following your heart, loving, forgiving and accepting no matter what. Even though it’s difficult when you are met with such retaliation. This chapter gave me further clarity on where to focus my attention, thank you Sarah. Radical acceptance makes sense. Unity and collective individuation makes sense. Fostering healing and resilience in bioregions/communities makes sense.
This was longer than I intended.
Cheers,
Emma
Write as long as you like, I enjoyed reading this. I'll let Clive know.
Your interview with Clive hit me with tears, I have known of the lead up to the poly-crisis since the 70's with my activist parents, my work of 30 yrs is pushing for just transition, I have always had a juggernaut of calm resilience inside my heart space, until Clive. The weeping circuit break I needed. Thank you both xos
I never say anything because I freeze I think. Or chicken out maybe? Or have no idea what to say, still getting my head around my own language around collapse. But, more and more people are asking me why I’ve changed how I respond to things, spend my money , have downsized etc. Others are bringing my choices up in conversation. I never bring it up. The young Optus guy asked me why my phone is on greyscale, which led to a great conversation .
your way of doing things - being it - seems to be working x
I’m a huge supporter and admirer of Sarah. To anyone struggling with this crisis I implore you to read ‘Not the end of the world’ by Hannah Ritchie. Read all of it , not dismiss it out of hand because her narrative is different to Sarah’s. There is a lot of talk about being kind , respectful and loving to different points of views which sometimes is not evidenced by actions. I feel reading the data and points raised in her book with a genuinely open mind might help many who are struggling with collapse. Please take this in the spirit in which it is offered. This is not a vote for inaction or denial - it’s simply a nudge towards a different analysis of the data and possibilities. It is also not a binary thing. Hannah and Sarah are on the same side - both passionately committed to a better future for all. Nigel
Hi Nigel, I haven't read Hannah's book, but your post reminds me a lot of Tim Hollo's book, "Living Democracy: the end of the world as we know it" which is socio-political take on our current times - it too explores incredible grassroots, community-led initiatives that are already taking place in the knowledge that in order to move to a new system, we need to midwife the new one while we hospice the old one. Again, all very congruent with where Sarah is heading in this book. The thing I love about Sarah's is that it is a brutally personal journey while checking in with leading thinkers on the science, the politics and the sociological aspects of collapse.
Tim is great - we have been on a panel together at Byron Writer's Festival. He lives his message.
he is a beautiful soul :)
I was literally clicking in to comment on this post with the same recommendation! I just finished Living Democracy, it's a really wonderful book.
Ooh, I'm looking forward to reading it!
Thanks Nigel. As you know, I tried to have Hannah on Wild and she declined. I'd love to see her talk with someone who questions the skew or her statistics.
Me too. It would be fabulous if she would change her mind and be interviewed by you.
Yes I am too finding myself looking at everyday things/conversations/decisions/purchases through a collapse lens. It’s all a bit scary and lonely but also very quickly puts things into perspective and highlights what is actually important and precious.
One thing I am finding from reading these chapters is that it simply puts into words how I have been feeling and viewing the world for years but didn’t really know how to make sense of my feelings. Kind of like a “aha! That’s it’s!” Kind of feeling.
Keep up the good work Sarah. It’s confronting but also a breath of fresh air all at the same time somehow x
Thank you for this Chapter of gems Sarah. Yes - Be the change we want to see in this world. - and "frantically, furiously rallying others is not the answer." As parents at some stage we learn that cajoling and convincing does not work well, and what sits well with this line of thought is the airplane oxygen mask theory. Acceptance and non judgment is important and what better way of getting others involved if they come from their own true essence of wanting change, peace etc. There's as assumption at times that we know better and we are the only ones that can fix things. “Peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others, but by simply accepting them as they are. True acceptance is always without demands and expectations.”
― Gerald G. Jampolsky,
Dianne, thank you for sharing your thoughts and the quote at the end.
Hello my friend.
I have just binged all the chapters of the book in one sitting. I had been listening week by week, dipping in and out, re-listening to some chapters, actively avoiding others (who would have thought, my processing of collapse would not be linear!) but I had this urge to put it all together in one go. And oh my god I needed it. It has been a balm for my soul (and I recommend to others who are finding it hard to hold all the parts at once). So much to say but I have to run to pick up children, but had to leave a note to say thank you. I think this book is everything you wanted to be with its clear descriptions and explanations - presented with such love and wisdom. Thank you for all your work and for being so generous with it xx
Say more when feels right.
Your footprint in this book is big xx
I like this idea Kylie… going back to chapter one and reading or listening to it all again. It’s been a lot! Challenging and complex and compassionate… all the C’s.
“It’s hard to hold this information in our souls while sitting next to someone on the couch laughing at a TikTok meme.” I don’t have this experience. There’s something about collapse awareness that makes the full spectrum of the ridiculous chaos that we call normal somehow weirdly magic. This flash in geological time of human creativity amped by ancient sunlight and technology creating such beauty and nightmares and silliness right next door to each other. It leaves me feeling a grateful kind of awe that I get to witness any of it, and perhaps why I can even admit fondness for Belconnen Mall! Xo
Oh Gillian....you are very far along this road!!! can even admit fondness for Belconnen Mall! hahaha
Not so sure about that! It really does depend on the day!
I love what you have written here
full spectrum of ridiculous chaos = weird magic; a witness with gratitude and awe
legend
In my work, we call this non-anxious loving presence for others “holding space” for a person/s. There is sometimes something very powerful about simply witnessing another’s humanity and providing acceptance and safety for that person to be human in all our messiness. In a way it strikes me that this vocation to presence and incarnation to which some feel called is a kind of holding vigil with our own selfhood for humanity. It’s beautiful, hard, messy work. Edited to add that it makes me reflect on the connection between witnessing another's humanity by sitting with them in their experience of frailty, longing, and greif, as they are confronted by things that are overwhelming, and the practice of with-ness. At it's heart it is reflecting back to someone their inherent worth in the midst of their vulnerability. I hope that makes sense.
with-ness. I love this Madeleine.
I love that, Madeleine. I feel I do a lot of "holding space" in my work with children and parents. Can I ask what your work is?
I'm an Anglican minister, but I am on a medical leave for a few months due to a post viral neurological issue. My work, though, isn't typically institutional in the sense that I've never comprehended it as a role that defends orthodoxy or to teach people about the "right" way to live, but as a vocation to relationship and to walk with people in their suffering, and to listen deeply. It is about assisting people in discovering and experiencing their beloved-ness in God's eyes and to support them in cultivating a rich spirituality, because even though life is beautiful, it's also effing hard. I actually think that we're at point in history where the church as we know it needs to crumble and die in order to rediscover what it is about and who it is for.
I'm not sure whether the neurological condition I have is temporary or permanent, though, and if it's permanent, I need to pivot professionally. I'm thinking about mediation. That's probably more of an answer than you needed, lol!
Oh Madeleine! I wish you had been my Anglican minister as a child! I'm sending you some good energy and wish that your neurological condition resolves quickly. If not, I love that you are ready and open to pivot to what serves you and those you serve.
To walk with people in their suffering and to listen deeply...what a beautiful offering you provide. From what I’ve read of your comments, I have no doubt you will find a way to embrace and pivot if needed in response to your neurological condition. Thank you for your beautiful words. Take care. Sending love. ✨
Also, I'd love to learn what you do, too.
I work as a Montessori teacher and I also dance. I’ve married my two passions and created a service called Montessori Dance through which I offer workshops for both children and educators to bring creative dance into children’s lives.
Like what you said about the church needing to crumble to rediscover what it is about and who it’s for, I think the same about the education system. It’s lost it’s ways and in many countries it is not serving the children, the teachers nor the parents.
Wonderful!
I feel the poem DESIDERATA....
Feels apt, especially now
" go placidly amidst the noise and haste,and know what peace there may be in silence....
There will always be trickery..
Listen to the dull and ignorant, they too have their story...
You are a child of the universe and the world is unfolding as it should...
Strive to be happy..."
Written in the 1800s
Dehumanisation is happening.
I dont like it.
Massive hugs to all.
You are a whizz with finding a great quote, Anna
Listen to the dull and ignorant, they too have their story... You are a child of the universe and the world is unfolding as it should... Strive to be happy..."
Haven't heard wisdom like that for years.
Thank you Sarah.
I am in Australia, camped near Armidale NSW in a van and am working on writing the hardest introduction ever to my now 20 year long project to address what I now call Earth System Destruction as an ostracised pariah.
I could see that desertification would interact with global warming and accelerate both processes in early 2004, I was sick of the rat race by then and was considering going bush for a quiet short life but I knew it would all burn.
So I wrote to the premier of NSW, got a patronising reply, met my local state MP who was very unhelpful, corrupt as it turned out.
So I enrolled in the 4 year full time bachelor of Natural Resources Degree at 39 yo to study and check my understanding and develop ideas that had occurred to me, I am a practical engineer, Boilermaker, Jack of all trades and had watched landscapes being cleared and degrading.
Graduated in 2010 with first class honors for my thesis "Developing an integrated renewable energy and water supply and carbon management system for Australia as an alternative to fossil fuelled systems"
I can send a Dropbox link if it works here.
I was driven by nightmares of the fires that happened in 2019.
My system would have provided 150% of my projected water demand in 2020, lots of details.
And would have facilitated the restoration of Ecohydrological cycles and "Air conditioned Australia " as the late great John Kaye, NSW Greens MLC put it, only he and Tony Windsor, the former federal MP for New England engaged with my work, I missed my first day of Orientation week at UNE to meet him and discuss the problems.
After I had no success in engaging anyone or institution with my project I designed and negotiated a PhD to intercept nutrients plus CO2 in wastewater ponds for return to soils which was the only "black box" in the system summarised in my profile flowchart image.
It's last working title was "Monitoring and manipulating freshwater microalgae ecosystems to facilitate Ecologically Responsible Geoengineering and address major aspects of Anthropogenic Climate Change".
But the government changed just after I started and my corrupted university (on the record) became hostile.
I did all of the core work of a triple sized "PhD Innovation" stretched to encompass a multistage plankton size grading/concentrating/ harvesting apparatus I designed, constructed and successfully tested and wrote up and handed in.
But could not do a box ticking introduction in the morass of denial I was in and worked despite that.
Destroyed all my relationships and had to go bush after the fires and nasty things happened, before and after I went bush to finish my ~32 literature review topics needed to complete my utilitarian whole Earth/human System understanding, but never really understood people.
I was diagnosed with Autism about 3 years ago.
I now have a utilitarian understanding of the way modern people are dehumanised and divided to make us subject to the state in our structurally unjust, patriarchal system of exploitation.
Not encouraging..
But I am working on the 84th version of an introduction now that identifies and attempts to dismantle the egos that confine minds.
The title of what must now be a book is " How to Restore the Quality of Our Environment, or how to salvage a viable, survivable biosphere".
After the 1965 " Restoring the Quality of Our Environment" report, my birthyear present perhaps, it clearly covered all the major problems with very clear dire warnings about the enhanced greenhouse effect.
But much of my time is consumed by survival chores, I exhausted all my resources years ago but still have a lot of tools and my microalgae apparatus.
I may as well complete my "project report" even though I doubt people will wake up as they seem unfazed by the atrocities occurring in the crucible of civilisation where this civilisation has its destructive 12,000 year old roots.
Thanks again
Bob
For Our Earth❤🌏👊💙
Finish the report...!
Has it seriously entailed 84 attempted intros?
I've had paragraphs that have entailed as many false starts. You're not alone.
Thanks for sharing Bob. You're among friends.
PS Tony Windsor, I think, is a good man. I interviewed him on Wild.
Thank you Sarah.
Yes, Tony Windsor is awesome.
Yes ~84 attempts is an estimate, I did about 30 formal attempts then started losing it.
I had handed in the core work, I monitored 3 town sewage oxidation pond systems for 14 months, Armidale, Walcha and Guyra, 3 ponds in the first two towns, Walcha only had one, on 28 day intervals, identified and measured ~130,000 microalgae, 158 species, discarded 50 species because of very low numbers, did Waterbury too but did not process that data because I had to build my filter.
When I encountered an inverse graphic biomass pyramid in most of the ponds - most of the time my originally proposed tub experiments would have been impossible due to low density of microalgae which reproduces rapidly but was being eaten by copepods etc.
They had become hostile and wanted to write me down to a Masters but I stretched it to a "PhD Innovation" and built my apparatus where I was living.
I yelled at the pro vice chancellor industrial relations when for the second time his eyes went blank halfway through me telling him the title of my PhD - he also went blank and said "long title" when I told him my honors thesis title.
One trick wonders in denial, and I was alone with my very clear understanding, I can model complex systems in my head which makes me try to avoid dreaming.
And I did not understand the emotional and cognitive limitations of most people.
I worked from home after yelling at the PVC industrial relations - a poultry expert.
And was treated with hostility by everyone.
So after I finished my ~32 literature review topics while in the bush I kept trying to introduce my massive project but had to address the elephant in the room all the academics and most other people were stuck inside.
And I was just accessing journal articles and reports and trying to understand why people were so thick or simply monsters.
I was alone in the bush by then, some close relatives tried to exploit me to erect a fence they had conned out of a wildlife charity so they could flog their block off to the highest bidder and have me commuted I suppose, I was stranded there at the top of blue mountain gorge over winter 2020, still researching and trying to engage people.
I had upset billionaires and monsters moved in across the creek where I used to live and murdered about 300 kangaroos my ex and I had fed through the drought and left 7 grievously wounded that I had to kill.
I tried to stop them, built a better 250 metre long fence then went bush after I had finished testing my filter, we had raised some of the kangaroos.
I was stuffed around by 4 different people while looking for a place to work away from people.
Now I am camped on a property near where I used to live, trying to avoid transactional enslavement by my host by doing work for nothing for my keep, I cost him nothing and am restoring a 113 year old shearing shed and doing maintenance on fences and decaying infrastructure but mostly caring for country and clearing fire hazards from habitat trees.
The fury and despair and all else in my mind are impossible to describe.
So it takes a while to get my head together some days.
My book needs several introductions - first to smash the egos and try to release minds, then an outline of my 20 year project, then "the evolution of our climate system" I have been giving drafts of that away for nearly 3 years now, then how addressing all the diverse damages coherently can leverage restorative results far greater than the sum of their parts and much faster than flat Earth spectators can imagine, apparently.
Then I will use one of my formal introductions before my PhD core chapters.
I only needed 5 literature review topics for my core PhD work.
But I did not want to submit " pearls before swine" when the swine are a major part of the problem so I must point that out up front.
My purpose is to solve a complex problem, whatever it takes our Earth is more important to me than myself, but I am only human.
My first coffee of the day has gone cold now.
I best wake up a bit more.
I might start putting some of my work on substack, I got the app yesterday when I decided to follow you.
Thank you Sarah ♥️🌏💚💙
I recall a chat a with you Bob a few years ago on Facebook I think it was. I recall getting a bit lost with your engineering ideas as my brain is not built that way. I live in southern Queensland these days and occasionally have to drive to Sydney so perhaps we'll bump into each other round Armidale. Cheers
Haha! Love this. Let all of us here know if you meet up!
You have a good memory.
It is a bit complicated to understand human infrastructure reformed to have beneficial environmental impacts and I have been working on how to explain that more clearly.
Even though our Earth System is in a very bad state and our leaders are worse than useless and it looks like the terminator movies might become a widespread reality, I might as well try to get my "Earth System Restoration" ideas out there.
I must get this app on my computer, and become familiar with it, the mobile signal is poor here but I am not far out of Armidale and perhaps we can catch up one day if you have a break from driving in Armidale.
It is a shame that warmongers seem to be running things and it seems like the majority do not care.
Most people prefer simple happy stories to facing reality.
Interesting times.
Yeah cool. So look me up on Zuckbook and send a message and we'll see what happens
Facebook crashed my phone when I tried.
Will give it another go later
SARAH - that was the sage line my brain needed - “you don’t have to”. I honestly felt a wave come over me (with a little internal ‘oh yeah - d’uh’). Being the calm island is a badge I can wear!
Also - the pool bowl image is chef’s kiss.
You're wearing the badge well!
A parent thanks you for the poetry, the honesty and the encouragement.
I’ll use my time loving radically and being as honest as I can with myself.
You're welcome. Yes, use your time radically x